Hi. Well for those of you who havent figured it out yet I am the accused 'scammer.' I wanted to wait until all was calm and no,not to start up more stuff, but to give you my side.

When I came here I was so relieved that I finally had a place where nobody would think I was crazy for being in pain all of the time.

I doubt any of you have missed the recent posts. I have been accused of using janecarter in a most vile manner.

I found in her a soul-mate of a friend, if you will. She was the answer to my prayers. I poured my heart out to her. And she to me. I told her as much as I could think of about me. I thought, I am so glad I met her, Im not alone anymore.

I told her about my internet getting shut off but I also told everyone else who reads my journals. She paid that for me. She sent me a check for 100.00 as well. She said," I dont want you to go without." I cried. I thought, oh thank you Lord God. You have helped me through one of your children. See, Ive been struggling with my faith in God and I thought for sure this was His way of saying HE hears me.

I got the check on wed. or thurs. of lask week. Because it was an out-of-state check, it didnt clear until fri.

As you all know jane put up her post on Sat. She put my hugs in there about my phone and about me saying I would call her from a payphone. The hug about my phone bill was only because she asked me what was going on. I only told her the exact amount because I wanted her to see why I was having an issue. I refused to pay 78.00 when my phone bill has always be 52.00 give or take. I did tell her I would go to a payphone and call her later on Fri. I ended up not doing that. I admit it. It was 48 degrees that night, I was exausted, and my 3 kid were cranky and hungry.

I woke up at about 1 or 2 am on Sat. and got on DS. I had a message from a friend asking me what was up with jane, because she had left a nasty comment on my journal. I was talking in my journal about all the financial crap I was going through and how I was so relieved to have had a friend help me out. I had never mentioned her name because I thought she wouldnt want me to. So there was this comment tearing into me. Of course my first thoughts were confusion, hurt and then anger. So yes I did send her messages asking her what her ___ problem was and why in the___would she say something like that.

The only explination I ever got from her was the hug I sent her about calling her from a payphone. She erased my hug asking her why she was doing this and what did I do to her.

Then because I was so damn angry and hurt I sent her one last message telling her what I spent the money on. I thought ok, she'll understand when I tell her, right? No. She sent my pictures of my family back to me.

I want you all to know that I am not your enemy. I did not come here to find people to take advantage of.

I want to thank those of you who had the foresight to go right away and look at hugs from me to her. You who did look saw that the last time I sent her a hug was less than 24 hours before she posted. I didnt disappear. I didnt run and hide.

I am still confused as to what transpired between fri, afternoon and Sat. day morning. I am still confused what I did to her but whatever it was, I guess it was tragic enough that she felt I deserved to be blasted.

Im so sorry to my friends who got in the middle for my sake. Perhaps I shouldve spoke up sooner? I dont know. I do not claim perfection and though I struggle in my faith right now I know that I am and will always be one of billions whom He shed His blood for and I honestly hope that all of you find peace and friendships in one another.

These are all the words I have to say. Im sorry that I wasnt given the benifit of doubt. Im sorry that I didnt react the way some thought I should. Im sorry that I did not know how to respond to any of you. I am sorry for the problems I have caused you janecarter. I never used you or meant you harm in any way. I have roof over my head this month because of your generosity and I have my pain meds because of your generosity. My daughter had a presnt on her birthday because of your generosity. I will always be grateful for the help you gave me and I am sorry that you didnt know me well enough to know that I would never have hurt you intentionally, for any reason. You were like a bigs sis or like my mother I lost so many years ago.

God Bless You All,

Brandy Bradley