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I am at a lost and don't know what to do. My daughter Nikki has been so hurt over the last few months so bad from all the kids at school about her weight but the last week has been terrible. She is only 10 years old and a really smart kid.
In the last week she has been hurt 3 times by (adults)...family members and the next door neighbor. Nikki is about 10 lbs over weight and we live in CA so it's really bad if you have a pound or two that you need to lose. The other night she was asked to dinner next door with her friend and I said yes. When it came time for them to eat she made Nikki's food and only gave her a very little bit of food and told her she was gaining to much weight and need to watch what she was putting in her mouth. That embrassed Nikki and made her feel like dirt. They have teenage kids that lease her all the time.
Then this weekend she spent the night at my mom's house. Her cousin also spent the night and when his mom (my SIL)came to pick her son up in the morning she asked Nikki if she was drinking juice and Nikki said yes, my SIL lost it and told Nikki she can't do that because it's bad for her and will put weight on her really fast. Then when I got there my mother told us she needed to talk to both of us so we sat down where my mom proceeded to tell us that Nikki had terrible table manners and ate like her father shoving food in like men do and she needs to learn how to eat like a lady because she is getting older.
My daughter is so unhappy with herself and thinks she is so ugly she can't even look in the mirror at herself. This morning she went to get ready for school and put on her favorite jeans and they were to tight. She feel on the floor and started sobbing so hard, God I felt bad for her. She is trying so hard to lose weight but it's just not happening and she won't let me say a word to anyone. I can't stand looking at her sad little face anymore.
She tells me she hates her life and doesn't understand why God put her here with a sick mom and a fat gut.
I told her I wanted to take her to see a therapist and she said she won't talk to them she will only talk to me. She also has the worst time sleeping and I find her sitting at the end of my bed all the time just watching me. She stresses about everything and I don't know what to do. She is my only kid and all I want to do is beat the hell out of every body and tell them...are you blind don't you see how much you are hurting my child you dumb S%$TS...
Any advice would be so helpful...
Hugs, V
In the last week she has been hurt 3 times by (adults)...family members and the next door neighbor. Nikki is about 10 lbs over weight and we live in CA so it's really bad if you have a pound or two that you need to lose. The other night she was asked to dinner next door with her friend and I said yes. When it came time for them to eat she made Nikki's food and only gave her a very little bit of food and told her she was gaining to much weight and need to watch what she was putting in her mouth. That embrassed Nikki and made her feel like dirt. They have teenage kids that lease her all the time.
Then this weekend she spent the night at my mom's house. Her cousin also spent the night and when his mom (my SIL)came to pick her son up in the morning she asked Nikki if she was drinking juice and Nikki said yes, my SIL lost it and told Nikki she can't do that because it's bad for her and will put weight on her really fast. Then when I got there my mother told us she needed to talk to both of us so we sat down where my mom proceeded to tell us that Nikki had terrible table manners and ate like her father shoving food in like men do and she needs to learn how to eat like a lady because she is getting older.
My daughter is so unhappy with herself and thinks she is so ugly she can't even look in the mirror at herself. This morning she went to get ready for school and put on her favorite jeans and they were to tight. She feel on the floor and started sobbing so hard, God I felt bad for her. She is trying so hard to lose weight but it's just not happening and she won't let me say a word to anyone. I can't stand looking at her sad little face anymore.
She tells me she hates her life and doesn't understand why God put her here with a sick mom and a fat gut.
I told her I wanted to take her to see a therapist and she said she won't talk to them she will only talk to me. She also has the worst time sleeping and I find her sitting at the end of my bed all the time just watching me. She stresses about everything and I don't know what to do. She is my only kid and all I want to do is beat the hell out of every body and tell them...are you blind don't you see how much you are hurting my child you dumb S%$TS...
Any advice would be so helpful...
Hugs, V
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I wasn't overweight until I was in my 20's and so thankful for that. Kids are so cruel. I was never one to judge on anything like that, only how they treated me.
Are you two able to go to the pool once or twice a week? What about getting her the Wii Fit for both of you? Is she into riding bikes? Smoothies are a fun thing to make and you can add skim milk, fresh fruit, Splenda etc.
Dove has some great campaigns out on being yourself, the stereotypes of the media, real life "models" etc. They have some self-esteem tools on their site too that may help. One thing you can do is tell her to stick up for herself and in a firm voice say "it's really none of your business and I'm dealing with it my own way, thank you!"
http://www.dove.us/#/cfrb/
Nik doesn't like anyone bring up the fact that I am sick or that I had cancer, it scares her to death. I know my mom was just trying to help but Nikki just got so overwhelmed with the whole thing.
I have bought her the Wii fit and we are going to start walking the dogs every night. The problem is Nik can eat like an adult. She walks to school everyday and plays all day long so it's not the exercise it's the food she puts in her mouth. She always says but mom it's so good I can't help it then crys after she eats it. I am just at a lose as to what to do with her!!!
Also the only nutritional thing to maybe watch is her sugar in-take. If she has trouble sleeping, then her carb cravings are gonna be through the roof and that will help her too. But in no way should she be on a diet at her age. She'll have her adult life to worry about that (as most of us know). She's a kid and everyone should let her be a kid.
Just my opinion, but as a Mom I know EXACTLY what your going through.
Best of luck,
Bobbi
If I were in your position, I would let every adult that she has to deal with that they are NOT to say a word about her weight...encourage her by all means. And you need to teach her that what really matters is what other people of you but what you think of yourself.
I am saying this for the umpteenth time but god bless all you dealing with kids and fibro. I don't know how you do it.
have you had her tested for thyroid issues (T3, T4) and insulin resistance (Adiponectin and resistin)?
It would be good to make sure she is not having these issues and if she is to get treated.
Second I do not know you and you may already do this, but go through pantry and make sure it is stocked with fresh fruits and veggies(raisens,etc). My kids love frozen smooties (frozen strawberries, spinich, apples and a tablespoon of B sugar).
Third get your daughter into and activity she is good and likes to do by people who accept her. It will help her self esteem and gain friendships, from the sounds of it she really needs. Bullies don't like to pick on groups..they are cowards and like those alone.
Fourth I would find someone who is not a complete rear end to take your daughter to a shopping trip..or movie ..or concert. Then you give all those @$$holes a good chewing out. Say you know your kids are lucky enough to have healthy parents. While I may not be healthy I am hear to tell you I have raised my daughter with more manners than any of you have in a finger tip. If you want respect, accpetance and love then you need to SHOW these qualities to others. Since you have hurt my daughter and pissed me off with your utter lack of these qualities I felt it necessary to tell all of you off. GROW UP and be desent human beings. If you can not say anything nice to my daughter then shut the (#$& up.
Yeah I think that about covers it. So sorry you are surrounded by jerks!!!
Best wishes to you
EP
As much as she doesn't want to go to a therapist, I would suggest you go together, to reassure her, and help her manage her fears. It might also help her gain some confidence and how to answer some of these negative people.
The other thing to remember is, the less sleep we have, the more our body puts on weight.
Sounds like she's active, so as long as she's eating pretty healthy and not having fatty and sugary snacks, she will more than likely grow out of it as has been said before.
I really feel for both of you - words really do hurt, probably more than the old sticks and stones. I think Carrie has some great suggestions too.
Best wishes.
Sounds to me like she is using food as a way to fill a void/fear inside of herself. Maybe there are kid books out there that will show recipes on super healthy but fun foods that you guys can prepare meals together.
I think its great that you guys walk every night. SUPER!!!!!!
I used to do that also...
Swimming is fantastic as well which is what I do too.
Once you get into a schedule, she will start seeing pounds drop which in turn will improve her self esteem.
Also kids and adults get caught up in how models look on tv and in magazines. Those photos are touched up even when they are supposedly perfect. No one looks like that in real life, and even if they did, everyone alive has insecurities scars moles etc.
Open communication about her fears about your health, or boys or whatever she is going through should be encouraged.
Maybe you can go to the park with her or to a really cool place to hang out where she wont feel on the spot and she can learn how to express her feelings instead of pushing them down...
My mother called me "fat" when a number two pencil was bigger than me. Some people push off their evil/psychosis onto others bec it makes them feel better at the time. Since that feeling is short lived, they constantly find people to make fun of or to verbally abuse.
I also agree about what was said about her not getting good sleep. Dr Oz mentioned that not long ago, about how non restorative sleep increases certain food cravings.
I also think therapy would be wonderful someone who is an expert in this field. I wonder if your daughter thinks that a therapist is someone who will be sitting behind a desk with a white lab coat on, pointing a pencil and judging her. She needs to know that, that is NOT the case whatsoever.
There are many counselors out there who can not only relate but were in the same boat growing up as well.
hugs
Hey V,
Tell them all to back the f**k up! Shes your daughter and shes a great girl! Most girls her age gain a few pounds, until they start getting taller, then everything falls into place.
Just by seeing her in pictures you can tell shes a pretty little girl.
I wouldn't worry about them. I feel bad for Nikki that they treat her like that. Tell your SIL its none of her business what Nik drinks, juice is much better than soda for cryin out loud!. You are ill, and sometimes just can't sit down to eat with the family. I can't do it at times either. I would pull my mother to the side and tell her she is hurting Niks feelings about table manners. Shes only 10 yrs old, kids that age aren't the best at the table!
Just know I am with you, if you want a partner to kick some ass!..if they keep it up, tell them Nikki won't be visiting them. The last thing she needs at her age is her Aunt picking on her weight. Shame on that woman!
I'm here of you need me! Love you!!
Their holier than thou attitudes and actions are an injustice for your still growing and developing child!
What is 10 extra pounds?? MY GOSH, these people have NO heart, NOR do they realize that children usually outgrow this!
Shame on anyone who does this to your child or any other child for that matter!
I feel for you and your daughter...
It is time to confront and put these people in their place.
honestly....give me their phone numbers...I have a few choice words I wanna say right now.
We are on your side hon...
take care,
hugs
During that time, I told her that she'd all of a sudden grow 2-3 inches, and the weight would redistribute. She did, and it is.
In the mean time, I'd suggest giving her unconditional acceptance. Don't monitor her food, IMO that'll lead to either her hiding what she's eating, or becoming overly occupied with what she's putting in her mouth.
But do have good choices available in the house for her. Is there something healthy that she thinks is a treat? Watermelon maybe? Or popsicles (ok, not exactly healthy, but fun for the kids and low in calories).
Going thru puberty feeling lousy about yourself is a tough way to do it; going thru it with family and friends (and adults! shame on them!) telling her she's not up to par, is ridiculous, and more than a 10 year old girl should have to bear.
Best of luck, I hope you both find some peace.
Table manners Are Important, but make it Fun to learn them...easily done..she doesn't need to be all prissy to have good table manners...
If it is only 10 Pounds she has extra, there won't even be an Issue come Puberty...now, if it were 25+, there might be cause to start showing Concern, and getting her more Active...
Next time someone says something so Completely Stupid either TO your Daughter, or in front of her about her, Look at your Little girl, and say "This is a Perfect Example of how NOT to Speak to People" Shameing your SIL or Anyone else...
10 Pounds !! WoW...
Hug ur Little girl...tell her Everyday how Beautiful she is, Not Only on the Outside, but on the Inside where it REALLY matters !!