Fibromyalgia Support Group
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When I came to mom and dads to visit in June my mom was wicked bad and my dad asked me to stay. I agreed to do six weeks with them and 1 week at home. Very hard as mom was combative and argumentive and didnt get that I couldnt do the stress thing. 2 weeks later she died and I felt horrible that I even had thought about not doing it. My family decided without asking me that since I no longer worked (I live on disability) that I would be the perfect caregiver for my dad. Its been 6 months now and besides my daughter who lives in town I get no help - physically, emotionally or monetarily. I do this for 8 weeks and then home long enough to do the rouond of doctors and 6 month check on tumor.
My father is loosing it and is nasty to me most of the time. Trying to get money out of him even for household necessities is impossible let alone even trying to explain that I think I deserve a bit of cash for all this (sorry if that sounds selfish - I aint asking for much and he can afford alot more than I am asking for)
For the 2nd time since October I find myself flaring and unlike when I am home I just cant camp out on the couch and ignore the world. The basement flooded this week. I bagged up everything that was ruined but could not, or would not, drag it upstairs to the trash. Informed my brother he could do it. He stops by today tells me to put one bag out a week so dad doesnt get over charged for more trash and then leaves. Not before informing me tho that he and bitch sil will be here for Thanksgiving with the boys (who never visit poppa and only call when they want money) He will bring the relish and I am expected to cook up the rest of it.
This is the first major holiday that we have done since mom passed away. I want to participate don't get me wrong but it pisses me off that once again I am expected to do all the work. These people don't come around much - bro comes every 3 weeks or so and SIL and nephews havent been up here in months but they can judge me for asking for money or because my ass is on the couch at 2 pm.
I took my youngest shopping in the city two weekends ago and was told when I got back at 8 pm that I could pack my fucking bags since I abandon him for the day. I almost did. My oldest asked me if I would go shopping with her this weekend for her birthday. I handed her the money and told her I doubted I could get away with it again. I dont or didnt have much of a life before mom died. I have 0 life now and what I do have has me so stressed out that back to back flares doesnt surprise me.
No need to respond to this its just a rant I needed to get out.
Peace & Love to all
Raven
My father is loosing it and is nasty to me most of the time. Trying to get money out of him even for household necessities is impossible let alone even trying to explain that I think I deserve a bit of cash for all this (sorry if that sounds selfish - I aint asking for much and he can afford alot more than I am asking for)
For the 2nd time since October I find myself flaring and unlike when I am home I just cant camp out on the couch and ignore the world. The basement flooded this week. I bagged up everything that was ruined but could not, or would not, drag it upstairs to the trash. Informed my brother he could do it. He stops by today tells me to put one bag out a week so dad doesnt get over charged for more trash and then leaves. Not before informing me tho that he and bitch sil will be here for Thanksgiving with the boys (who never visit poppa and only call when they want money) He will bring the relish and I am expected to cook up the rest of it.
This is the first major holiday that we have done since mom passed away. I want to participate don't get me wrong but it pisses me off that once again I am expected to do all the work. These people don't come around much - bro comes every 3 weeks or so and SIL and nephews havent been up here in months but they can judge me for asking for money or because my ass is on the couch at 2 pm.
I took my youngest shopping in the city two weekends ago and was told when I got back at 8 pm that I could pack my fucking bags since I abandon him for the day. I almost did. My oldest asked me if I would go shopping with her this weekend for her birthday. I handed her the money and told her I doubted I could get away with it again. I dont or didnt have much of a life before mom died. I have 0 life now and what I do have has me so stressed out that back to back flares doesnt surprise me.
No need to respond to this its just a rant I needed to get out.
Peace & Love to all
Raven
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I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
Learn to say no, please. For your own sanity.
My dad on the other hand has alot of animosity towards me. He didnt want another child and sure as hell didnt want a daughter. Thats what he got tho and unfortunatly for him not the daughter he wanted. He had visions of frilly dresses and parties and dances. What he got was tomboy, lesbian and a daughter that tho she graduated from college with honors decided to dance in high claass establishments instead of becoming god knows what with business degree. I tried the 9 to 5 and hated it. Was never forgiven for any of it. I used to think I didnt care but now that I have been living with him for most of the last 6 months I find that I would really like him to know me as I am not that bad of a person. Screw my past it has nothing to do with the present besides it made me who I am today which I dont happen to think is all bad.
100 years of family therapy couldnt fix this and I don't know why I cant walk away from it. I hate myself for both - wanting to walk away and not being able to.
hugs
we use to help mom when she was alive
I've been where you are now.
Out of 6 kids I was the only one that would go to my mom's and bandage her foot every night when she got ulcers on them from diabetes, had to fill up needles with her insulin because, she couldn't see to do it. Fill up her pill case and tried to do all her paperwork and stuff.
My bother and I were there and she asked me to get the bag of trash and put it out, I looked at her and said he is sitting right there, have him to do it, and he said no she ask you to do it, and he left and I did it.
Toward the end, she had her leg amputated, and that is when it really got rough, I still had to take her to all Dr's appts. and she couldn't go to the store anymore, and she was like most all elderly ppl. if it is on sale, you have to buy at least 5.
So, I was doing it all, and where was her washer and dryer of course in the basement, so that was added on me too. I could go on and on but, I just wanted to let you know that if you don't stand up now to your siblings, you will be in a lot worse shape.
That's where I think I got the bulging disc in my back from pushing the wheel chair and carrying all the groceries in by myself. My husband seen how bad it was getting to me, so he started going with me so I wouldn't have to push the wheelchair and carry all the groceries in.
My brothers would pass her house and not even stop to see if she needed a loaf of bread
What are you going to do when he can't take care of his self at all, they will expect you to do it.
I'm telling you from experience that as long as you do it, and not say anything they will not help you.
My Mom is gone now, but, I didn't blame her, I blame my siblings for not trying to help me.
I hope and pray that you can get some help from them.
Tell them if they can't help you then he is going to have to hire someone to help.
God Bless You for what you are doing, but, you need some help.
Tell them if they want to celebrate, it is up to THEM to decide on the fixings and take care of the festivities.
Tell them that since it is YOUR responsibiity during the rest of the year, to be chief cook and bottle washer, housekeeper and caregiver,
They can take care of Thanksgiving and Christmas. If they refuse, then say, well, there it is, no Thanksgiving or Christmas at all.
If they pout, fuss, fume, stamp their feet, so be it.. if dad gets upset, tell him that you have to care for yourself as well.
Remember, you have to take care of yourself first..
We have done this with my mother-in-law because none of her children want to take care of her. Long story, and not important to this situation. Bottom line is that hospice care workers can do everything you are doing and they will bill medicare for the expense if you get a doctor's note.