Hey there, I've never had to write anything like this or speak to strangers to get some form of help in anyway, I'm newly diagnosed with Fibro and I honestly don't know how I'm going to manage if every day is like the two past week have been. The constant stress of life and the fact that I'm a natural worrier makes everything ten times harder. I've gotten so far into my whirpool of emotional despair that I'm struggling to believe that the pain, ache, cramps, spasms, headaches, numbness and pins and needles will ever go away or that I'll ever manage to deal with it and continue to have a relativley normal life. I'm 24 and have lost three jobs in the last year due to a medical diagnosis given in air quotation marks after having explained to me that it's considered not to be real. How can somebody tell me that the pain I feel on a daily basis at different severety levels is not real? Or it's in my head like I'm creating this thing that I can't control like I enjoy being in a constant state of exaustion, depression and pain. I'm not a miserable person, in general I used to be quite a positive upbeat naturally happy being but over the last 3/4 years it feels like I've fallen into this sinkhole of never ending pain and it's coming to a point in my life that I can't take not being understood or listened to or dismissed anymore and just left to ride out the pain lasting from one day to a week. My own body is interfering with my life in every aspect and the general answer from most people when I explain what I go through is "Ah well you've just got to suck it up and get on with it" Get on with what?! Constant pain and stress, constant worry and exaustion. I've never felt so mistunderstood and judged but supported to a point and empathised at the same time. When a friends response to you being in pain is Boohoo oh well, that's sad, it's like I want to curl up in my bed and never see the light of day again but I have two dogs a house and a very very supporting loving partner who would do anything for me that I've got to support in my own right. That's just another stress to add ontop of the pile that I cannot rely on him to live my life for me and the utter dissapointment I feel within myself because some days I can't even hang the washing out makes me feel that he'll be a lot better off without me in his life. How do you explain to someone who asks what's wrong that everything, EVERYTHING is wrong. I'm trying, really trying so hard to go down every helpful avenue of options in terms of life, personal, work, friendships, relationships and every route I go down seems to be blocked by a hurdle I cannot jump that just send me back to the start. I feel like every possiblity is a never ending roundabout that will some day fling me off into the abyss if I continue to struggle carrying on my own. I try to reason with myself and think of the rational process of oh it'll work out, it'll be okay. HOW, HOW is anything going to be okay when my hand and arm is the tempreture of a snow blizzard and is cramping while I'm writing this. I don't know my intentions of writing this or the response I will get nor do I know how this will help but it's something, after 3/4 years of pain is finally something I feel like I can get off my chest without the looks of doubt or statements of "well it's not that bad every day so you can be fine then can't you. I have so many unanswered questions and thoughts. I'm tired, physically and mentally of putting a smile of for people and answering how are you today with fine. I'm sick of pretending like this is something I'm dealing with well and managing when before today at 11 oclock this morning I didn't even know what "this" was. Finally I spoke with a doctor that brought me to tears by saying I believe you and I'm listening. For the first time in 4 years I feel like a human that has a condition instead of an attention seeker nobody believes. For anybody who has managed and dealt well with FM for however long it's effected them, I commend and envy you I really do. Wellfuckingdone for staying strong enough to say no to the dead end answers and having the emotional stamina to push and continue to push with doctors for any response apart from a shrug of the shoulders. LOVE always.
Happy (insert your holy celebration) weekend, all!So, the lawyer basically said that since I have no maiming or death (yep, the dead always call lawyers) that the hospital system is off the hook for letting me slide through so many cracks and so forth. Lesson learned. Your life is worthless if you can't prove worth. Got it.I got 2/3 way through making choc chip cookie dough before I had to ask...
wasn't sure if I could say easter and didn't wnat to insult anyone, so happy long weekend to the gang herefeel free to add positive wish tooMine is more sun please