Let me start by saying Please forgive me for using cuss words but right now, they are getting my point across. Well here, it is the day before I am to leave to go to Chicago. To see my sisters and my cousin that is dieing of cancer. He has been given days to live. Therefore, I want to see before the funeral. However, it is strange because I have crying for no reason for the past two weeks. Just all of a sudden, the tears just start rolling down my face. This even happens while I am sleeping. I wake up and tears are just falling. Is this crap normal? Because if it is I WANT IT TO STOP! I have never been the type to just cry for no apparent reason. I really need some help. I feel like I am about to crack. I am really considering putting myself into a mental facility. Because this is not me. Well at least not the me that I remember. I still have not gotten used to this. I hate being a prisoner in my own home. I have lost all of my friends and even some family too. Why does FMS play such a game with your body and mind? I hate feeling Crazier than what I already am. Well since I finally realized that I am not hearing voices in my head, it is really my neighbors talking shit about me I have really felt like shit. God I hope they find a cure for this soon. I hate feeling as if I am losing my mind. I cannot remember shit; I keep losing my balance, and I HURT LIKE ALL HELL! Most days I am so DAMN Tired I cannot see straight. OH YEAH DID I MENTION I HURT LIKE ALL HELL! I feel like everyday I am losing myself. I am no longer an independent person. I hate this shit I MISS MY FREEDOM!!!!! I want to feel normal again!! Does anyone have any advice? Please help me I just do not want to live like this anymore. I actually asked my mom to run me over with her car. Most days I just want to die. I use to love living life well on most days. However, I never just wanted to lie dawn and just call it quits. Not like, I have in the last year. I stop going to see my Psychologist because all she did was prescribe pills. I am tired of taking meds. I am 31 and I feel like I am 95 years old. What can do? I do have one bit of good news, It is now official my Rheumatologist finally said that I have FMS. Can somebody help me I new to this?
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