IT IS NOT IN OUR HEAD_ IT IS NOT CAUSED BY STRESS _IT IS NOT CAUSED BY DEPRESSION__YOU ARE NOT ALONE AND MY HUSBAND DOES NOT UNDERSTAND EITHER>>> HANG IN THERE__AND WE ARE HERE FOR YOU_______

Hello Shadee,

Welcome to the group! Just like Faith said, it\'s not caused by depression, stress or any other of those crazy factors. And you aren\'t alone.

Have you tried to get your hubby to read some of the info on the net about fibromyalgia? Have you been officially dx\'d? You say there is a shortage of docs where you are. What do you do for your pain? Do you get any treatment for it what so ever?

We are here for you to vent, offer you support when you do vent. Hang in there, we are all here to help. Just tell us what you need. Any questions, always ask. We\'ll answer.

Hugs,
Tommie

That\'s right-vent and we\'ll listen, ask for support and we will gladly give it. We have to stick together. Sometimes I feel like this site and my \"friends\" are all I have. And sometimes, it\'s true.
I spend so much time \"faking\" my way around life, that I think my husband and son think I\'m OK. I just talked to my husband about this tonite. It\'s a no win situation, at least for me it is. I think that we, as women, NEED to feel NEEDED. We NEED to be the caretakers and nurturers. Therefore, as we try to keep up with all of that, we mislead those closest to us into thinking that all is well. I believe it is THIS very behavior that enables others to believe it is ALL IN OUR HEADS!! So what is the answer? Well, I told my husband that from here on out (New Year\'s Resolution, I suppose) I am going to do what I can, try not to push myself, and I\'m going to say OUT LOUD, \"I am really hurting today\" or \"I am really very tired today, but I am doing ___________ because I love you so much and want to be able to do my part.\" I am going to let them know. Maybe that will prevent, at least some, of the adverse thinking.
It\'s hard no matter how you slice it. But, we can only do what we can do and those who love us are just going to have to deal with it. Ya know, another thought, if THEY got sick, or when they do actually, WE TAKE CARE OF THEM BECAUSE WE LOVE THEM!! (And we all know what babies men are when they are sick...UGH) So, it\'s a 2-way street, that\'s my point.
Take Care of You

Thank you all so much. Yes I have been diagonosed. I remember the day like it was yesterday went to general doc and he sent me to a rhumatologist that is who diagnosed me. He put me on Noproxen ( which does nothing what so ever for the pain) and anitriptoline for the sleep. TOld me i also had a Vitamin D deficancey so put me on high dose of Calcium. And sent me to a physical therepist. Ok so here is the kicker it has been a year and i have been sufforing see hubby won;t ler me get the meds anymore or even go to the doc to say the meds are not working. So I have been in constant pain and try to hide it so i don\'t seem like a baby ( he makes me feel like i am a baby.) I still try to do my physical therepy stretches at home but it hurts really bad to do so.

That is absolutely unacceptable!! You are going to HAVE to stand up for yourself here. This is no matter to \"lie down\" for. You have to be able to go to the doc, and you NEED the meds. We have to figure out a way for you to stand up for your needs. How can I help?

I don\' know hope i have tried and tried to tell him that I AM HURTING and i need the meds and it don\'t work oh he will by me Noproxen from Walmart so have to take 8 of them to get anykindd of reliaf.I am just so confused I love him but he does not understand me what so ever.He does not understand what i go threw he think that if i am having a good day and not walking around like a 100 yr old woman then all is good and i have to keep him thinking that so i am not classified as a hypocondriat what everone has been say about me all my life.Yeah i had a hard life (don\'t even get me started on that) all i need is for one the pain to stop and two someone to understand what i go threw

OK, well we can \"fix\" one problem RIGHT NOW: You are no longer alone and I DO understand what you go through-as do many others in this community. As long as you keep talking, we will keep lifting you up. We will offer support, guidance, advice whether you want it or not, and whatever else you need-EXCEPT FOR- your docs and your meds. You are gonna have to fight that fight-and you\'ve GOT to fight it. Quit faking your way through and STAND UP for YOUR needs. What are his reasons for not getting you the meds? docs? Why, because he thinks you are a hypochondriac? Tell him you would like for him to come to a doctor appt. with you so that the doctor can explain FMS to him. I\'m pretty straight forward, so take my words as spoken, ok? It does not sound like your husband has any respect for you whatsoever. It does not sound like he even cares that you are in pain!!!!!!! You\'ve got to make your own decisions on that, but the first step is to love yourself enough to take a stand with him. Take a step forward-FOR YOU!!!!! Sounds like you are back peddling, to me. Do you have any family closeby, supportive family? Or supportive friends? How about a church? I know there must be one of those nearby. Call someone. Tell someone that you need help! Asking for help is an empowering thing, not the other way around. However YOU CHOOSE to do it, you\'ve got to DO something. And, you need to do it quickly. How long are you willing to endure the pain for the sake of silence?

I am so sorry that at your age you have this awful illness. I\'m pretty sure my son has it..he hasnt been officially diagnosed yet but i have it and i know more than the dr\'s do anyway. He\'s only 30. Too bad you two couldnt hook up...lol...just a joke..at least you two would understand each other! yes its really heartbreaking to watch someone as young as you and my son suffer with this. It\'s so hurtful when the spouse or bf doesnt understand...I cant convey how much that hurts so i understand totally. I wish you good luck in your relationship. Have you tried printing out some information for him? love and peace lorial

I think one very hard aspect for me is the kids. I have 3 teenagers. 18 son who should be out this year, a 16 girl who is on the right path but still needs that little nudge. My youngest who is 15 turning 16 in March is the hard one because she has no clue yet. The stress of the kids and my family and work, is what ultimatly pulls me off work because I shoulders hurt so much I can\'t think straight. Hang in there. My new years resolution is to organize the HE** out of my house and like to simplify everything for me and my husband. From bills, to cleanins schedules. this to make life easier for us and everyone dealing with me.

Hi Shadee. I know what u r going through. I live in Illinois, not far from Iowa and can tell you most drs. around here r clueless when it comes to fibro. I do have a rheumo I seen how thats learning more and listens to me and has not once said or made me feel like this is all in my head. Ive been battling this for over 20 years and am just 37. I have 4 kids and 2 part time jobs and let me tell u i have missed alot of work due to severe pain. Hang in there, everyone here is supportive and wonderful. Feel free to email me.

Funny this rheumo put you on naproxen. Thats an anti-inflammatory and its proven that this is not helped by anti-inflammatory drugs. Sounds like you need to find a good doctor and your husband needs to become more educated. For 8 years I was told I was depressed and that was causing this pain even though anti-depressants didn\'t help my pain. The anti-depressants helped the depression I initially had tho, but I wasn\'t depressed till I started feeling sick. Here\'s some websites that may help you and especially help him understand this illness.

http://fibrohugs.com/
http://www.med.umich.edu/opm/newspage/2006/fibromyalgia.htm
http://www.fibromyalgiatreatment.com/books&vids.htm
http://www.fmscommunity.org/

Hope this helps,

San

Ok, (forgive me for my previous post, i have had fibro for a over 10 years not 20, my fingers do not always work like they should) had the pain since 1992, diagnosed in 1994...

PLEASE take hopes advise. And please do not ever worry about who thinks what of you. Everytime my mother hears me complain or sees me taking forever to get out of the chair with her speachless response,,, do u think for one minute that I care what she is thinking? He*l no! If they want to think this is all in my head or that im a hypocondriac let em, i could care less. No one has ever asked what my dr. says at my apts. no one ever asks how I feel, my dr. knows what is wrong with me, he knows this is not all in my head, my chiro knows this is not all in my head. But I can tell you one thing, no one is ever going to keep me from my meds, narcotics or not! I was a huge anti med person, esp. narcotics. Not anymore, hun,, that is the only thing that gets me thru my day. I have been told by more than 1 dr. I will never be pain free, im not asking to be pain free, im asking to be able to tolerate my pain and be able to function. Right now thats not happening. Please tell your husband that he needs to either go with u to the dr. or get the heck out of ur way, bcause u r going! Trust me, naprosen will do nothing for u. There is no anti inflamatory that will help fibro, not even a little. I could list over 20 meds ive tried, and not worked. Everyone is different, some things that worked for you may not work for me, and vica versa. It may take 2 years to find different meds that work. I am not a medical expert, im telling you what ive experienced. HUN, u have to ask yourself how much longer do u want to live like this? in pain with no dr apts, and no meds to help u. I can just about promise u that nothing over the counter is going to help u. I even went the all natural route for over a year. After many many many hundreds of dollars and absolutely no relief i gave up on the all natural meds. I could have gone on one heck of a vacation with all that money i wasted, and taken my kiddos. Please tell your husband that u r going to see your dr and u will take your med even if its a narcotic and he can deal with it or not.

Can i ask y he will not allow u to take anything other than naprosen?
I am so sorry u are going thru this? where are u from?
please dont take my message to u as rude or comeing down on u, please stand up and take care of yourself. if mammas not happy and healthy, the kids cant be either.
sending huge but gentle hugs your way

well said hope. I am so so glad sha came here. It always seems everyone else can put my words in writing better than me. Its gotta be the fibro fog. lol

Well thank you everyone for understand what i am going threw it helps alot. WEll my hubby will not let me go to doctor because one he says everyone has aches and pains and tylenol will help and that i don\'t get enough excersise so that is why i wake up hurting and two he says we do not have the money for me to go to doc or get meds. He also did not believe it when I was diagnosed with a seizer disorder (and he even saw me have several seziers) he said it was stress. Maybe so. I know I can not live like this anymore with not only the pain but with a husband who basicall showes me he does not care what so ever.Now mind you 3 yrs ago he cheated on me and i had a choice to leave him and I did kick him out (well called the police cause he threatend to kill me) and they made him leave but for my childrens sake I took him back. I want to leave now but there are so many things holding me back. One my kids they need there dad. and two i have been a stay at home mom for 5 years and I have NOTHING.So I am stuck I just don\'t know what to do anymore.

You really are in a difficult place...no doubt about it!! BUT, you are gonna have to pull up your bootstraps (not literally) and figure some things out. This is what women do, and yes, even women suffering greatly from FMS. It\'s like this, you don\'t have a choice anymore. Yes, your kids need a dad-BUT-do they need to see their Dad continuously disrespect and act so unlovingly toward their Mom-NO!! Yes, having been a stay at home mom for the past 5 years, would make it extremely hard to think about severing the relationship due to finances. However, don\'t you have friends or family that can help you get on your \"feet\"? There is a wealth of assistance available to you. Do you know that what is happening is FULL BLOWN emotional abuse? Not just you, but your kids too!!! Because they see it, and would be my guess they probably get a little of that from dear ol\' dad themselves. There are organizations (i\'ll find you the website) that assist \"battered\" women and sista-YOU ARE BEING BATTERED EMOTIONALLY! (Emotional is worse than the physical, in my opinion, and from my experience.)
You need to get out a pen and paper and draw a line down the middle vertically. On one side write \"PROS\" and on the other \"CONS\" then start listing them. The pros and cons of ending this brutal relationship.
******I am not trying to tell you what to do. It\'s my compassion-and sometimes it overfloweth...*********
IS there ANY chance of getting him to read some material on FMS? In your mind, is there any chance of him changing soon? Think of everyone you know, no matter where they live, and make a list. Put their phone # and address with it. Just have it, in case you need it. Start keeping a journal and write about all of the stuff you write about on here. That way when you start \"feeling sorry\" for him you can refresh your memory of what you\'ve been battling all this time.
I\'ll find that website for you shortly.
Take Care of You