it remains yet to be seen how i will feel afterwards, but despite the fact that i did not sleep well at all last night i woke up at 9am as opposed to my usual 2pm and have stayed up and actually was feeling like hey i'm gonna make it to the gym and then thought - hey why not try a run? i just have to be prepared and have to accept that if i have to walk i have to walk. there are plenty of very fit ppl who don't run at all - i have to break out of nmy rigid exercise mindset. but i know it will feel so good to move again. on a negative note, i lost my job that was gonna give me health insurance due to lateness mostly due to difficulty getting moving and prob also cuz i revealed some health probs and i think they assumed it would just get worse. on a positive note, i am still picking up shifts at the deli/meat market where i worked for years and actually prefer to work there at this point and kno if i have to call at the last minute and say i'll be 15 mins late it will be ok - i've known the boss for about 15 yrs he's almost like family. pluss the staff is way cooler. and i make more money!! so i still have some things to deal wiht - most importantly health ins and health care. but i called my psychiatrist last night to see if my neurologist called him yet (he wanted to speak to him befoer doing anything new w/ meds and i think its kinda necessary at this point as my mood is disastrous) and he was reall y understanding and supportive about the whole fibro thing. he asked what exactly the prob was n i said i wasn't totally sure yet but had been tested for everything under the sun and it was startin to look like fibro but i had to see a rheumy. he started tlkin bout exercising and stretching and eating properly. so he seems to know the disease, which was VERY encouragin to hear. so thats my news today - a little but lookin up maybe in some ways. even tho my bf dumped me :( b/c i am too negative and if i can't love myself how can someone love me. if only knew who i really was and how much this all had changed me in the past few months. but everything for the best i suppose. and if he won't hold me down at my worst he sure as hell doesn't deserve me at my best!! thanks all for your support. hope everyone has great holidays. i for one am gonna consider today a hell of a holiday if i can make it thru a run!! yeah for relatively pain free and energetic days!!!!
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