Holidays normally throw me into a flare and I'm going to do the best I can to not encourage that to happen this year.

I can remember taking myself to the emergency room on the morning of December 26 from pure pain evolving from sheer exhaustion.

Whose expectations was I trying to accomplish? My own, make everything "perfect" - well, you know,we can't always (hardly ever sometimes) be perfect, so, it's going to be a laid back holiday with good things on good days and peace on not so good days. I'm not going to allow myself to get stressed out by it this year.

Your depression has probably been kept bottled up for so long, you just "exploded" which I think is normal. Let 'em know when you need a break, they will eventually "get it" most of the time.

im never perfect and dont plan to be. im even looking forward to my grand daughters first christmass. my husband and kids are great, they understand i get down and hurt. just not how bad it gets. i am taking it one day at a time but its still too much. i wish there was somethng i could try to make things better. thats al.

Oh boy do I know what your talking about!!! We all want that "Norman Rockwell" Christmas. And it's just not gonna happen. What I have done for a couple of years is this.

IF IT GETS DONE, IT GETS DONE! IF IT DOESN'T GET DONE...OH WELL!! OR DO IT YOURSELF!!!

Now I'll have to refer back to this! My mother, my sister and her husband (who don't really get along...another story) and my husband and I get together. Every other year it's at OUR house. Well it's our turn... I get stressed, grouchy, stressed, shaky, panicky... etc...
This year I'm going to try to do better!!!! I get so grouchy with my husband, that it makes us fight!! And it really isn't worth it!!! The only time I see my sister is Christmas...and I live with my husband all year long!!

And I'm gonna do better this year! I'm gonna do better this year! I'm gonna do better this year! I'm gonna do better this year!

And I'm gonna say...it's just NOT worth it!!!

Norman Rockwell I'm not!!!

Cindy

lol at Norman Rockwell I'm not!!! i dont even try to be that good. i do what i can and the heck with the rest. i just wish i could feel normal for an hour or two. i have so much to be thankfull for. i wish i could enjoy it with out all the baggage of feeling as i do.

A lot of the time I think to myself that I wouldn't be too upset if I got hit by a bus today. If it has been 2 weeks and the meds still aren't helping talk with your doctor. There are medications that you can take that work faster while the other ones are going into full effect. The best advice I was ever given was to just never stop trying! Don't give up even though I know you don't feel like you can take anymore. In the scriptures it says that "and it came to pass" not to stay. Looking back on my life I know it is true.

If taking it a day at a time is too hard, take it hour by hour or even minute by minute. I have had to do this many times. Just worry about what the next hour holds.

LADYPB, THAT IS HALF THE REASON YOU MAY FEEL SO PRESSURED WITH DEPRESSION. I AM SO SORRY YOU HAVE TO FEEL THE WAY YOU DO. BUT I HAVE FOUND OUT THE HARD WAY SWEET HEART YOU NEED SOMEONE TO VENT AT OR REALLY TALK TO TO LET IT OUT. SO SWEETHEART ITS GOOD THAT YOU ARE HERE CAUSE YOU NEED TO GET IT OUT. ITS GOING TO MAKE YOU FEEL WORSE BY HOLDING ALL THAT IN TO YOURSELF.
LOVE TRISH

Sorry you are having a rough time.It seems you are in a real flare up at moment. I think it is good you let your husband know how you feel. Hiding it only causes problems. You vent away here anytime you wish and don't feel bad about telling how you really feel. Holidays do tend to make things worse. Just do what you can. marilyn

I can totally relate to what you're going thru. I've been feeling the same way. I think it's the cold weather is really getting to me. I feel like I'm in a constant flare. Thanksgiving almost did me in and all I had to do was show up a people's home and it still was too much and I couldn't move for 2 days. I must be getting worse. The amount of meds I take for pain would kill a horse and I'm still in pain. I think it's getting out of my routine that gets to me. I need to rest so much, move so much, eat at certain times, etc.. and I pay for it when I push myself even a little. I feel a bit of a scrouge this year. I'm going to do one day for each step. One day tree, one day store for presents (lots of gift cards) and gift bags instead of rapping. I usually have X-mas dinner at my house, but this year we're going out, just can't do it. I love seeing my family, don't get me wrong, it just has to be in shorter amounts of time with resting inbetween. I've often thought of giving up, that it's too much, but I just could never do that to my family or myself. I always think there might be a cure tomorrow or the next day or year. Accepting this disease is very hard, but it can be done. I'm still working on it. When I do and I know what to expect and accept I'm going to hurt and I'll just do what I can I'm better. When I feel sorry for myself that I can't do what I use to I feel worse. It sucks, I know, but what else do you do. Find a good doc, good meds, healthy lifestyle and never give up hope...Love and Hugs, Kris

for one thing, this is not something we can keep to ourselves...we need help, A good support system...and a full Understanding that those around us are going to get frustrated with us at times...hell WE get frustrated with us at times...just do as much as you can and let the reat go...if it is worth it to occasionally do more then do it, just be prepared for the after affect...and do not allow feelings of guilt to push you...you will only make yourself worse...slow and steady and I can stay on top most of the time...and when I cannot I ask for the help I need to get things done...you seem a bit in denial...like what you are REALLY suffering from is Weakness...thats not true, come to terms with the fact that until they find out what the hell is going on with us we are going to have to live this way...and those that are around you must understand that as well...I pray that you find what is going to help you thru this...Bonnie

i just wanted to thank all of you who replied. it sure helps to know im not the only one having trouble this time of year. i am seeing a therapist on wed. to talk about all this crap we all indure. love and hugs to all cindy

I've gone through years of this. I used to think it was partly from my x having bipolar disorder and how he was depressed it would depress me. Now I know it was my own issues as well. I've been treated for depression for about 20 years now. I take Zoloft. Basically what I try and do is find what about Christmas I like and focus on that. I'm now alone for the first time in many years but I'm trying to not let it get me down. I'm going to make baby items for a local group and I decorated my spare bedroom in Christmas things.

I'm also spending a few days this holiday with a friend.

Try and focus on you for a few days - just do what makes you feel good - go to a spa - read a good book, swim, what ever brings you happiness. Get those brain chemicals flowing. Try not to stress. If you can't do something for others don't sweat it. Remember it's more about remembering God and others than it is in doing everything just perfect. Remember you at this time to. Get your rest! Cat

I know this season has that effect on a lot of people. Please talk to your doctor about your meds. If your meds haven't been working the last 2 weeks, there's something else going on. Be honest with him. Maybe your methadone needs to be upped. Maybe your cymbalta needs to upped, switched.

I know that sometimes the crap is just that...crap. But sometimes, getting out of pain can put it all into perspective. Maybe you need something for breakthru pain. Just trying to offer the advice that I can. Bless you honey.

Oh, and just to be clear, yeah, I get depressed this time of year too. It's just crappy to me. I would be here forever if I explained all the reasons I believe it is, but just trust me, I am glad when Christmas is over.

I don't even celebrate the holiday and I find I more depressed! My theroy is the darn commericals all we see are tender moments and happy family gaterings/dinner/reunions. They make me miss what I don't have...I have a great family don't get me wrong...again I think the commericals make me more emotional...yes I am crazy!! maybe you could tell your family the best present would be a massage for the party/dinner and a massage for the day after. and hey ask them to do the planning and cooking cleaning as your present so you can sit and enjoy??!!