Fibromyalgia Support Group
You're not alone in your pain. Fibromyalgia is a condition that can be difficult to diagnose and manage. If you're trying to cope with pain throughout your body, sleep problems, general fatigue, or other common fibromyalgia symptoms, you're in the right place. The community is here for you to talk about therapies and share your challenges.
Well, here I am. A 44 year old "married" mother of one daughter - 16 years. I'm in an abusive marriage. I'm on SSDI and have had fibro for more than 10 years now.
I'm actually considering going back to work as bad as I feel because my husband has basically deprived me of any sort of life. He withholds money when my SSDI check runs out and it runs out quickly. I live in the northeast and the costs are outrageous. I am so depressed. I mentioned Christmas last night, hoping he would offer me a bit of money to shop for my daughter and some of the neices and nephews. He just said, "I don't need anything" and walked away. The only thing he helps me with are my meds. Thank God for that but hey...I have no money for groceries for the next two weeks and this happens every month.
God guys, I'm so depressed and desperate. I feel like my life is over and I don't know what to do. Last night my daughter said that she will NEVER have a marriage like ours. No kidding. The poor kid is probably ruined from seeing me cry all the time. I used to be good at holding it in and keeping a happy face on but now I'm just weak and tired.
Is there anyone out there who knows what I can do to get some cash. My husband took away my credit cards because that's the only way I was able to get through the end of the month before my next check. Now he tells me to pay them off. How can I do that??? I know it's wrong but I have nowhere else to turn. I have a SMALL part time job which is the only thing keeping me sane. Also, it's small so it doesn't make me hurt or sicker.
I also have to go for 3 epidurals in my lumbar spine in the next month or so. I asked him about coming with me and he mumbled some comment about having to be a at a meeting or something. Right, he doesn't even know the dates of my treatments.
Listen, this is just a rant so I'm not expecting any responses. I'm about to explode and need somewhere to let off steam. I'm sorry if you're actually reading this.
You know, the couple hours that I go to work at the health club (irony!!), are so wonderfully positive and life affirming. People are nice, positive and caring. They are friendly and not abusive. I don't see any of my friends anymore because I can't even afford to go out for coffee.
I am lonely, isolated and broke. Thank God I have a roof over my head. I guess I can thank my husband for that but I almost wish I was homeless yet still had my sense of self esteem and was loved (if by no one else but myself). That would be better than this. I'm crying again. Damn.
The thing that kills me most is my daughter's comment that she would NEVER have a marriage like this. How sad it is to know what we have shown her.
Every morning, my husband kisses her goodbye and tells her he loves her and he walks right past me without even a glance. Not to sound conceited, but I have taken good care of myself in spite of being sick and I look pretty good for my age. I have people tell me I am beautiful and I try to keep up my appearance and maintain my weight and even that doesn't help.
At this point, I just have to find a job. That's the only thing I'm focused on and then I can at least try to enjoy my life a bit and be able to buy groceries and see my friends.
Thanks for reading this (you poor soul) if you did. I DO appreciate anyone who would even take the time to do it.
THanks for letting me simply vent. It DOES help.
Hugs to all you poor sufferers.....
Morus
I'm actually considering going back to work as bad as I feel because my husband has basically deprived me of any sort of life. He withholds money when my SSDI check runs out and it runs out quickly. I live in the northeast and the costs are outrageous. I am so depressed. I mentioned Christmas last night, hoping he would offer me a bit of money to shop for my daughter and some of the neices and nephews. He just said, "I don't need anything" and walked away. The only thing he helps me with are my meds. Thank God for that but hey...I have no money for groceries for the next two weeks and this happens every month.
God guys, I'm so depressed and desperate. I feel like my life is over and I don't know what to do. Last night my daughter said that she will NEVER have a marriage like ours. No kidding. The poor kid is probably ruined from seeing me cry all the time. I used to be good at holding it in and keeping a happy face on but now I'm just weak and tired.
Is there anyone out there who knows what I can do to get some cash. My husband took away my credit cards because that's the only way I was able to get through the end of the month before my next check. Now he tells me to pay them off. How can I do that??? I know it's wrong but I have nowhere else to turn. I have a SMALL part time job which is the only thing keeping me sane. Also, it's small so it doesn't make me hurt or sicker.
I also have to go for 3 epidurals in my lumbar spine in the next month or so. I asked him about coming with me and he mumbled some comment about having to be a at a meeting or something. Right, he doesn't even know the dates of my treatments.
Listen, this is just a rant so I'm not expecting any responses. I'm about to explode and need somewhere to let off steam. I'm sorry if you're actually reading this.
You know, the couple hours that I go to work at the health club (irony!!), are so wonderfully positive and life affirming. People are nice, positive and caring. They are friendly and not abusive. I don't see any of my friends anymore because I can't even afford to go out for coffee.
I am lonely, isolated and broke. Thank God I have a roof over my head. I guess I can thank my husband for that but I almost wish I was homeless yet still had my sense of self esteem and was loved (if by no one else but myself). That would be better than this. I'm crying again. Damn.
The thing that kills me most is my daughter's comment that she would NEVER have a marriage like this. How sad it is to know what we have shown her.
Every morning, my husband kisses her goodbye and tells her he loves her and he walks right past me without even a glance. Not to sound conceited, but I have taken good care of myself in spite of being sick and I look pretty good for my age. I have people tell me I am beautiful and I try to keep up my appearance and maintain my weight and even that doesn't help.
At this point, I just have to find a job. That's the only thing I'm focused on and then I can at least try to enjoy my life a bit and be able to buy groceries and see my friends.
Thanks for reading this (you poor soul) if you did. I DO appreciate anyone who would even take the time to do it.
THanks for letting me simply vent. It DOES help.
Hugs to all you poor sufferers.....
Morus
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I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
Hugs,
staci
Now I'm laughing.
Anyway....I'm as stuck as can be. Mom put ALL her money into this house for us. He doesn't even appreciate it. He complains about EVERYTHING. It's a beautiful house but all he does is nitpick and complain and he HATES my mother now.
Lovely, huh?????
ugh.
Hugs Cindy
14&12 when their dad left,and for a while I was the bullseye for their anger about our family falling apart.I was the N.A.T.(nearest available target) so I took it. Now they know that how their dad treated them and me is no way to have a marriage, they know that that is not love. So don't be afraid of what your daughter is learning...show her the love you have for her and she will always remember it and will one day understand what love is.
As far as food for your family , I had to swallow my pride and go to the food bank, the first time was awful..I was so embarrassed , I had never had to do anything like that.
But that is why they are there, to help when it is needed..and it took four years but the day I walked in there and wrote out a check for $400.00 was one of the best days of my life. I know I did not receive that amount of food from them,but in my heart I knew some other mother some where was crying...worrying where the next meal would come from.
My X had a very good job and was bringing home $120,000.00 a year , from there I plummeted to less than $10,000.00..I had not worked in ten years ,was homeschooling the boys and had a boarding and training facility for horses.The boys had to adjust to going to school , something they had never done ,I eventually lost the farm and all my horses.Learning to let go taught me that it left my hands free to grab on to someting else.There is hope..never ever give up.There are resources to help you ,seek them out , that is what they are there for.If you are able to work full time, go for it while you can.Your condition may never worsen, and then again it may. I worked as long as I absolutely could and it was as big a help to my self-esteem as the money was to our well being.Lean on us all you need..that is why we are here , we all have broad shoulders.
I wish for you the best and hope that you are able to find some help.
There are so many things I want to say to you but I don't know where to begin except that maybe being in the marriage you are in- makes your fibro worse. I know stress makes me hurt all over...some days to the point I can barely walk.
I'm so sorry you aren't feeling well and you are in such a difficult situation.
I'm sending you hugs, much love and much needed strength your way from the midwest. You will be in my thoughts and constant prayers.
You vent anytime you want/need and I'm here for you.
Find bbjjbb and panjano- they are wonderful and only a couple of the amazing people here at DS.
XOXO
~S
You are ALL so wonderful and caring. Just knowing that someone else out there cares is a BIG THING right now.
Dixie, I admire you for what you went through. I really do. Actually, my goal, if I can accomplish it is to get back to my former career and to make enough money to buy him out of the house. But it will take a while. Since my mom redid the house and added on her apartment, the value has increased by 3 times at least. In the northeast, this house goes for quite a bit and to give him his "portion" will be a stretch. At this point, HE pays the mortgage and most of the bills and I do the groceries, my meds and fulfill ALL my daughter's needs.
He is making about 100,000 right now and he has so much money stashed away but is impossible to get him to fork over a dime. He even bought my daughter a BRAND NEW car for her 16th birthday. She doesn't even drive yet.
Anyway, I'm at it again. I'll stop. I am on a very intensive job search right now in an attempt to regain some freedom, peace and self-esteem. I hate even saying that because all of that should be "in me" without a job/money, but I am not that strong. I'm just not.
Thanks again to all of you. You guys are really wonderful and so caring I can say enough.
Thank you SOOOO much for everything you're giving. Especially, just your time!!! ; )
Morus
Morus.