Im sorry to be down but just need to vent I guess. We belong to a church and my husband is the preacher of the spanish part, he and the kids go all the time to church functions, I dont allways go because of the fibro, then I feel guilty cuz I cant, then I hate being inside, but what am I to do go out crying and just say oh I cant stand the pain but the loneliness is just as bad. I have a great husband, but this disease really does put you in an all alone category, I hang out with my mother, and she hears me and probably wished she didnt have to all day . I cant help the pain or the fatigue or the depression. I am being treated. however I guess I never had to be sick like this. Its like no matter how you say it, they will never get it. Heck even the Drs dont get it. And it seems like some Drs are so insensitve, there are times I wonder why I am alive anymore, I seem, to be very useless, and I was allways the one everyone depended on...I dont mean to be such a downer, but there are rare occasions I have to be real w/myselft and just say it. I do have faith. But somethings like this are worse than death itselft. I mean I dont want to die, but sometimes it hurts so bad and i feel so crappy I also dont want to live.. And I am the one that has to counsel people. their problems are so easy for me to solve. its mine that I cant.You guys and God are my only real outlet...I guess its just a rainy day in my head, Im hurting really bad, weather chg again and just tired..Its like being in a bad movie and its never over...Tks for being a shoulder...sometime I need to be weak....I just cant show it too much here, cuz I dont think they blv me, and it just make s it worse...then not only the physical hurts but the emotions make it even worse..I know there are others out there that feel the same.. I guess sometimes its time to blow it all out and just let it out and cry...I dont think I would have made it this far w/o this group...Tks
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