I had planed on keeping quiet for a few days as the steroids have driven me way over bitch mode but if I don't get this out I am gonna do something I will regret.

That ass brother of mine was up here today, wanting to know why I got 1500. He didnt like dads answer. He says his boys have their noses out of joint because dad doesnt give them money. Um my mom has been gone for 6 months, I saw JR at the wake and he has called twice - both times for money. Brandon hasnt been up since August. Gee why would dad want to give money to people that can't be bothered with him on his 61st wedding anniversary, his dead wifes 83rd birthday or Thanksgiving. Not to mention never showing up to even ask if there is something they could do to help out or just spend time with the man. Dad told him so also. That pissed the jerk off so he tells my dad that my daughter Melissa is a pot smoker. I overheard it. I went balistic. Told him off, told him was none of his fcking business what my kid did or didnt do - She has a straight A average in nursing school while JR cant hold or even get a job. Then came the insults and accusations aimed at me.

I was dx'd 4 years ago with FM and a non operable, benign brain tumor. I fought a hard fight with SS to get a whopping 727 a month on disability. My dad gives me 200 a month. He also gives this to bro and my kids. Stupid said today that I have just sat on my ass for the last 10 years and expected mom and dad to support me. Funny how would he know. Up until 2002 I had a job - was manager of video store but then it became to hard on my legs to be on them all day, I still did free lance graphic work tho to make ends meet. How dare he sit there today in judgment. Told me yes how convient it is that I can blame my laziness on some made up disease. Also told me the only reason I even offered to stay with dad was so that I could milk him dry. If this were true I would have alot more money in my bank account than I do. I still come in under 1K a month & 727 of that is what the Fed. Gov. gives me. He couldnt put dad in a home for that amount. He blames me because dad wont change his robe or shower. Gee there is only so much I can do and if you are so worried about it get your ass up here and help him shower. He claims I have never asked.

This man and I have a terrible history together. One of physical and sexual abuse. Something snapped tho today in me, he can dog me all he wants but leave my kids alone.

I told him fine then you have your butt up here Monday night to feed dad as I will be going back to St Louis. He told me he could do a better job and I suggested he prove it then. Dad says that if I leave he will sell the house and move to the vets home. I don't want that. He wants to die here and somehow, someway I will find way to honor this.

So according to my worthless sibling, I don't have fibro nor a brain tumor. I sit around all day getting stoned with my daughter while dad sits in crappy underwear and a dirty robe.

Gee what a life this would be if it truly did play out like that. Instead my stress level is way over 10 as is my pain and I want to cut so bad I can taste it (Am not suicidal am a recovering self injurer) but hopefully will win that fight in the end as don't really need any more scars.

Thanks for letting me vent

Love & Peace
Raven