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I had planed on keeping quiet for a few days as the steroids have driven me way over bitch mode but if I don't get this out I am gonna do something I will regret.
That ass brother of mine was up here today, wanting to know why I got 1500. He didnt like dads answer. He says his boys have their noses out of joint because dad doesnt give them money. Um my mom has been gone for 6 months, I saw JR at the wake and he has called twice - both times for money. Brandon hasnt been up since August. Gee why would dad want to give money to people that can't be bothered with him on his 61st wedding anniversary, his dead wifes 83rd birthday or Thanksgiving. Not to mention never showing up to even ask if there is something they could do to help out or just spend time with the man. Dad told him so also. That pissed the jerk off so he tells my dad that my daughter Melissa is a pot smoker. I overheard it. I went balistic. Told him off, told him was none of his fcking business what my kid did or didnt do - She has a straight A average in nursing school while JR cant hold or even get a job. Then came the insults and accusations aimed at me.
I was dx'd 4 years ago with FM and a non operable, benign brain tumor. I fought a hard fight with SS to get a whopping 727 a month on disability. My dad gives me 200 a month. He also gives this to bro and my kids. Stupid said today that I have just sat on my ass for the last 10 years and expected mom and dad to support me. Funny how would he know. Up until 2002 I had a job - was manager of video store but then it became to hard on my legs to be on them all day, I still did free lance graphic work tho to make ends meet. How dare he sit there today in judgment. Told me yes how convient it is that I can blame my laziness on some made up disease. Also told me the only reason I even offered to stay with dad was so that I could milk him dry. If this were true I would have alot more money in my bank account than I do. I still come in under 1K a month & 727 of that is what the Fed. Gov. gives me. He couldnt put dad in a home for that amount. He blames me because dad wont change his robe or shower. Gee there is only so much I can do and if you are so worried about it get your ass up here and help him shower. He claims I have never asked.
This man and I have a terrible history together. One of physical and sexual abuse. Something snapped tho today in me, he can dog me all he wants but leave my kids alone.
I told him fine then you have your butt up here Monday night to feed dad as I will be going back to St Louis. He told me he could do a better job and I suggested he prove it then. Dad says that if I leave he will sell the house and move to the vets home. I don't want that. He wants to die here and somehow, someway I will find way to honor this.
So according to my worthless sibling, I don't have fibro nor a brain tumor. I sit around all day getting stoned with my daughter while dad sits in crappy underwear and a dirty robe.
Gee what a life this would be if it truly did play out like that. Instead my stress level is way over 10 as is my pain and I want to cut so bad I can taste it (Am not suicidal am a recovering self injurer) but hopefully will win that fight in the end as don't really need any more scars.
Thanks for letting me vent
Love & Peace
Raven
That ass brother of mine was up here today, wanting to know why I got 1500. He didnt like dads answer. He says his boys have their noses out of joint because dad doesnt give them money. Um my mom has been gone for 6 months, I saw JR at the wake and he has called twice - both times for money. Brandon hasnt been up since August. Gee why would dad want to give money to people that can't be bothered with him on his 61st wedding anniversary, his dead wifes 83rd birthday or Thanksgiving. Not to mention never showing up to even ask if there is something they could do to help out or just spend time with the man. Dad told him so also. That pissed the jerk off so he tells my dad that my daughter Melissa is a pot smoker. I overheard it. I went balistic. Told him off, told him was none of his fcking business what my kid did or didnt do - She has a straight A average in nursing school while JR cant hold or even get a job. Then came the insults and accusations aimed at me.
I was dx'd 4 years ago with FM and a non operable, benign brain tumor. I fought a hard fight with SS to get a whopping 727 a month on disability. My dad gives me 200 a month. He also gives this to bro and my kids. Stupid said today that I have just sat on my ass for the last 10 years and expected mom and dad to support me. Funny how would he know. Up until 2002 I had a job - was manager of video store but then it became to hard on my legs to be on them all day, I still did free lance graphic work tho to make ends meet. How dare he sit there today in judgment. Told me yes how convient it is that I can blame my laziness on some made up disease. Also told me the only reason I even offered to stay with dad was so that I could milk him dry. If this were true I would have alot more money in my bank account than I do. I still come in under 1K a month & 727 of that is what the Fed. Gov. gives me. He couldnt put dad in a home for that amount. He blames me because dad wont change his robe or shower. Gee there is only so much I can do and if you are so worried about it get your ass up here and help him shower. He claims I have never asked.
This man and I have a terrible history together. One of physical and sexual abuse. Something snapped tho today in me, he can dog me all he wants but leave my kids alone.
I told him fine then you have your butt up here Monday night to feed dad as I will be going back to St Louis. He told me he could do a better job and I suggested he prove it then. Dad says that if I leave he will sell the house and move to the vets home. I don't want that. He wants to die here and somehow, someway I will find way to honor this.
So according to my worthless sibling, I don't have fibro nor a brain tumor. I sit around all day getting stoned with my daughter while dad sits in crappy underwear and a dirty robe.
Gee what a life this would be if it truly did play out like that. Instead my stress level is way over 10 as is my pain and I want to cut so bad I can taste it (Am not suicidal am a recovering self injurer) but hopefully will win that fight in the end as don't really need any more scars.
Thanks for letting me vent
Love & Peace
Raven
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You have to pull away from him, and let it go. I know, it's easy for me to say, and I can't even do it with the people in my family who have hurt me. But he honestly has no control over you or your dad. You just continue to do what you have. Take care of and love your dad. That's all he needs. And as to money, it's none of his damn business if your dad gives you every last dime he has! That's HIS money to spend as HE wants!!!
Bless you Raven, for doing something so hard. I know, I did it as well, and was also punished for not doing it as "well" as other family members thought I could. Just had to say, screw them and their opinions!
Obviously your bro is just out to get what he can from your Dad! So sorry you have to deal with this bully, that is what he is after all.
If you don't mind a suggestion, would it be possible for you to move in with your Dad or vice versa?? I don't know all your circumstances, but wondered if this could be a temporary option that you may not have considered is all. Never think you are worthless Raven, you are not. If anyone is worthless it has got to be your nasty bro. Would like to add a very much deserved WELL DONE to your daughter for her achievements in Nursing School. Stay strong Raven, warm thoughts and hugs to you, your daughter and your Dad, Owlxx
Thanks ladies. The damm steroids have me crying which I hate. But its not as bad as cutting I guess in the long run.
I know in my heart I am not worthless but I sure do feel like it this afternoon.
You are going WAY out of your way to care for and honor your father. I don't know many people that would go the length you have gone to care for a family member.
I really hope you will avoid your brother at all costs. Don't accept his phone calls either. His accusations are too stupid to entertain and fighting with him wreaks havoc with your health.
Do something nice for yourself. I hope you will be able to find peace. Breathe deep. Love and a gentle hug, sue
What you did was a lot nicer that what I would have done and you are an angel in your dads eye that's why he is there for you. You have been there, your so called ass of a brother hasn't done squat and you father see's it. You should not give your brother the power to hurt you like this. He knows it's killing you and he already has hurt you way enough Raven DO NOT give him that smile that he can walk away knowing he did it again.
Just stay calm and tell yourself anything he says doesn't matter and it doesn't. You getting all worked up about it helps him feel better about hurting you. With what I know about you Raven he hurt you bad as a kid and giving him that power back again is doing nothing but making him feel good about himself.
You and your brother shouldn't fight in front of your dad. These are his later years and I'll tell you something that comes from my heart, If you just smile and pretent that what ever he says means nothing he will loss his mind. Now the tables will be turned and he will see red.
Now wouldn't that make you feel better. Knowing you ticked off your brother who made your life hell. After he leaves take a ride and scream your head off but when he's there you need to put on that beautiful smile and pretend you don't have a care in the world.
Need help torturing him message me...we can work on it together.
Love and hugs,
Veronica
so sorry.
I am so very sorry that this has happened,I have no doubt you feel like someone has kicked you in the teeth.Your brother boasting about what a better job he coud do well he has know clue.This is very tragic.Im so sorry.
Lots of love
Melinda