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HELP! Dealing with an unsupportive Husband

deleted_user
deleted_user
I don't know what to do. I completely changed my diet and got off all meds this summer, and my fibromyalgia was doing a lot better. It seems this month it's beginning to flare up so bad again though. I try to talk with my husband, he's been there through the whole diagnosis and trying to get better thing. But he's SO insensitive. I haven't been sleeping this week, I'm just in so much pain. I know that pain keeps you from sleeping and lack of sleep causes pain, so it's a hellish cycle. I got up late tonight and went in the living room. He was awake and I asked him if he could give me a back massage because it hurts SO bad. He almost reluctantly gave me a massage, meanwhile lecturing me on how I need to stop being so stressed out and I'm the one responsible for this pain! We've been fighting so much lately, he's been so insensitive and even just flat out mean to me. He has stopped helping me out in ways I need him to because of the pain I'm in. So if I'm stressed out, it's because of the way HE'S been treating me. I hate sleeping in the same bed with him. I wish most of the time that I had never married him, but because of my faith, I'm not supposed to leave him unless he commits adultery or something. I just want to know how to deal with him, how to make my body healthier and feel better, and how to get him to be more sensitive to what I'm going through. Please help!
carolmj
carolmj
Hi, I just came from reading your few journal entries, It sounds to me as though you took on a huge undertaking, and your husband has burned out! I don't have any answers for you, but I will pray with you if you want to bring me up to date. Bless you!
deleted_user
deleted_user
This fibro is hard on our spouses,marriages and families. Does your husband share your faith? will he pray with you? I wuold think maybe some counseling would help if he will go.I would also try to educate him more about fibro by leaving some info around for him to read. Also try to vent and release at this site, he may be feeling over whelmed too. One thing about massages is for the recipient the time goes really fast for the person giving the massage a little while seems a long time. Use a timer. Often schools who are training new people will give free massages, they do this at our local college. I know my husband gets really sick of me asking him to massage my neck and shoulders.Hope things get better for you soon.
deleted_user
deleted_user
You didn't mention how old you are and how long you have been married. But I can totally relate!!!! I am 56, married 7 1/2 yrs. I have suffered with fibro at least 4 years and I too have sleep problems. Let me tell you what I deal with. He makes comments that if I conplain with aches his response is so....whats new. But what it all boils down to is he doesn't get as much sex as he wants. I never want it but when I force myself to have sex as often as I can things are alot better. We have had many disagreements and have seperated twice in our marriage. I try to suffer in slience. I so feel for you!!!!! He know fibro is real but just doesn't think its that bad. Maybe counseling for you would work. My husband will not go. My thought are with you. NEE
deleted_user
deleted_user
I kow just how you feel. I got in a huge fight w/ my husband yesterday. I am waiting here impatiently until Dec 10th to see a Rhemotologist to get some advanced tests done they think I might have lupus. I have been really depressed and stressed and my husband tells me yesterday that if I exercised I would be less stressed. Well if I was not in so much pain and exhausted I would. I am a hairstylist and stand all day too. Men are clueless and insensitive half the time. I have no advice cause not much works here but we are here for you. Good luck.

Suzanne
deleted_user
deleted_user
Thank you SO much everyone for your listening ears and wonderful advice. It's so amazing talking with people who actually "get it". Things have improved, we have still had little tiffs each day but it seems like at the end of the day he's a little more willing to listen to what I need. We are going to begin counseling soon and I think that is super needed. We're also starting to read a book called "love and respect" and I think that will be really helpful for understanding each other. Thank you again, you are all so wonderful! Hope I can be here for you when you need it.
carolmj
carolmj
That is so great that he will go to counselling and read helpful things like that. Sounds like thing are looking up for you!
deleted_user
deleted_user
i'm glad to hear you are heading in the right direction. i really feel that talking it through with a therapist is the right thing to do. my husband is somewhat supportive, but he had to learn how to be, and that's what therapy taught him. otherwise he just didnt' know how to deal with it, and frankly, neither did i. good luck with everything, i hope things work out.

sara
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