I am sorry, Did he go to the rheumy with you when you got dxed so he could hear the dr say Fibro and how there isnt a cure or a miracle?

I'm glad you found us. Feel free to vent anytime!
An allergy comment would hurt my feelings too!

This morning my husband told me that I would earn an award for drama - I finally asked if he was serious - because he better not be!

The furture is scary, but it has been easier to cope with this group of people and their shared experiences.

Take care and many hugs

I think as much as they want to understand us....they just can't comprehend what is going on. They just want the person back whom they married. I am glad that this site is here also. It keeps me sane when everything going on with me is insane.

Ob1,
I am so glad you found us too! WHAT a blessing to have this board! There are some beautiful people on here....
YOU are not alone, we are all here with you on this journey...
It is not an easy road. I am thinking of you all and praying for each person on this post-

He didn't come with me to the many doctor appointments. It is not his fault. I just went alone. I screwed up there.

It's not too late for that!

or a good heart to heart

Just wanted to let you know that I understand.

Sorry your husband doesn't understand this.

I wouldn't rule out allergies playing a role though.

I found out I'm allergic to eggs and milk back in september. It does make a difference when I avoid these foods as to how I feel.

I recommend that everyone get the blood test for food allergies and the other allergy tests.

I'm doing xolair shots for bad allergies and asthma and I'm slowly seeing an improvement.

I think just about everything affects our fibro in one way or another.

Sending Hugs & Prayers that you feel better soon.
Mary

I guess it is a guy thing, like you said, he just wants to fix it. That is how I view illness too. The problem with chronic illness, there just isn't any easy fix. but I am still looking for a way to fix it!
I know you are just looking for some compassionate understanding, but maybe you can have him research it, and find out for himself about FMS, that might be a better approach.
Hope everything works out!
Jon

I am very lucky to have a very understanding wife. Maybe compassionate is a better word. She is almost never sick, and really can't comprehend someone that hurts all the time. I don't comprehend it sometimes...or even most of the time, so how can I expect her too.

She has not actually said it, but I am sure she would like to fix me if she could, this affects both of us in very real ways. She wants to go motorcycle riding, and I either don't feel well, or took a med and do not think I can safely ride the bike. Or she wants to go into the mountains to hike, and I hurt too much...we are both in this, and she didn't sign on for it in the beginning. She has told me she has had to go through her own grieving process over the illness, because it does affect her. Things just aren't like she thought they would be.

I have given her things to read, but she loses interest so that doesn't work well. We talk about it a lot, but sometimes I think I talk about it too much, looking at it from her perspective, she has to get tired of hearing "i'm hurting right now" or "I feel so tired..." or all the other things I say. They are very real to me, and very hard for me to not talk about, but I am sure it gets old for her.

There are no easy answers to relationships when one has fibro. Relationships are a challenge when there is no illness involved, so no wonder it gets more complicated when one is sick.

I have been in counseling for some time, and my counselor has fibro. My wife had one session with her (counselor) without me, and that did help. She is more understanding and tolerant since then.

But there still are ups and downs, and I imagine thats something normal that we both will have to live with.

Good luck.

One more thing, many of us on here have food and or chemical sensitivities/allergies. I can make myself really sick, really in a flare by eating wrong or being around the wrong chemicals. I can not "fix" myself by eating right, but I can certainly hurt myself by not eating right.

For a lot of us, sugar, starches and refined or processed foods take their toll.

Everyone is different, but it may be something to consider.

I was "blessed" (sarcasm intended) with Fibro AND RA...yeah, real fun! And we can throw in OA and peripheral neuropathy to the mix - my husband is a very understanding, patient and wonderful guy, but I really think he sometimes doesn't get it either - he says he does, but occasionally he comes out with a comment that makes me just shake my head and think - ????

I am still able to work full time - I work M-F noon-8 pm. When I stroll in at 9 pm I'm very tired. Weekends are no picnic either. I take my methotrexate injection on friday night (so the side effects don't bother me during work) so Saturday is pretty much shot. Sunday is better.

Have you tried giving your husband a copy of the Spoon Theory by Christine Miserandino? You can google it or check out her website - But You Don't Look Sick. It's in there also. It's written for lupus, but just tell him to substitute fibro, and it's still the same. Some of my family and friends found it informative and said "I didn't know that's how you feel."

Good luck, he'll eventually "get it"....

Ob1pooky, I hear you. Took my DH a couple years to realize I wasn't faking, doing it for attention, or just "psycho", and then he flipped out b/c he couldn't fix it....

Take the hubby to the doc with you and ask the doc to explain it to him. It helped me get my DH on the same page I was on.

Don't despair. I bet when the hubby said that about allergies, he was doing 2 things. One was, trying to relate your pain to something he does know. Two was, hoping for a quick fix. My DH once compared my FM to how he felt after his appendectomy. As if! HE got pain pills!

Hugs,
Leo

Thanks again for your comments! It is soooo nice to hear from other people who understand what I am going through. Maybe I won't be all that alone.

I can see both sides of this. It's odd, but on the rare days that I feel good and don't have the pain, fog, etc., I can't imagine the pain either, and have actually wondered if it's "all in my head." of course, it always comes back to kick me in the butt.

My husband is great! Less than 30 days after we got married, I was DX with stage 3C ovarian cancer. That next year was a nightmare for both of us, but he was my guardian angel. A year after, before I had even gotten all my hair back, I got the fibro DX. I kept thinking it was bone pain from the chemo and hoping it would go away. That was twelve years ago and the cancer is gone, thank God, but the pain remains. I hate it when people ask me how I'm feeling and I am faced with the choice of lying or sounding like a whiner. Sometimes I try to put myself in my husband's place and wonder if I could be as understanding and patient as he is.