Oh Boni I feel your pain I dont know what to say except you gotta tell your niece the truth that you just cant do it.Im sorry hon you tried so hard.Gentle hugs to you

You know the truth always works best if you ask me. I would tell your sister that you can't handle it anymore and you will continue to watch them until she can find other arrangements. I would mention how much you love the girls and will miss them but you just can't do it anymore. This disease kicks our butts.

I'm sorry.....MSBoni.....So sorry. I know this is difficult for you but you have to remember that YOU are the important part of the equation. You mentioned that you took the job without much thought. I can't even imagine taking care of kids this age. I would be strung out by the end of the day, just like you. I DO work, but only a couple/few hours a day and it's very flexible.

Think of it this way, what if something happens to these kids because you are totally wiped out. Say you sit down and fall asleep and they get into something dangerous.

Think of yourself(and your illness) but also think of THEM!!! You have explained how much this hurts you to have to back out. I would tell your niece exactly what you've said about how bad you feel about this.

Tell her that you don't want to have to do this but you feel it's best for you AND her children. I know it won't be easy but make sure she understands that you're doing it for her kids too!!!

You are hurting yourself and making life miserable for yourself so that you can't enjoy anything else. That's not good for ANYONE involved...even your hubby!!!

So, explain how you love the girls, explain why you DON'T WANT to have to do this and that you are VERY SORRY. IS it possible that you can help her locate someone else to care for the kids? Maybe a referral to a friend or something? Just a thought. But this is obviously too much for you.

Time to let go and take care of number one!!!

Hugs and love and let us know how things work out!!

Morus

and the truth will set you free
tell her the truth if she's anykind of family she should understand

ty for you replies...I have talked to her...and at first she thought that maybe she would quit her job and open her own day care once she looked around and found them all full !!...great idea right ?/..not really because then she still has to hire someone to come in then and watch ALL the kids while she is in school...

am just kinda feeling trapped...pressured...I mean i would Not ever want her to quit school ...but really the work thing could go cause she ie easily paying that money right back OUT to child care...I have the kids 8 hours a day Mon-fri...my husband is getting upset cause I am getting to tired to do all the OTHER things I need to keep up with...so I am pleaseing no one here...STRESSED !!......

Well, if you are pleasing no one you have to decide your priorities....is it your niece, your needs, your husband's getting upset about things??? I would say...and this just mho...but your needs come first....and your husband (if his gripes are reasonable) maybe second.....your niece unfortunately would then be last on the list. You need to take care of YOU or you won't be any good to ANYONE around you.

Again, just mho....

hugs and let us know what you finally do...

hang in there...and don't stress yourself TOO much. Just think it through so that you are taken care of....

Morus

you are all so very right...and i will be seeing her tonight at this big dinner...and i will simply put it out there...she knows I love her girls...and that this is really stressing me...so, I will tell her to get her name on some good lists...will sit til she gets in...but not to much longer...this is a small community...like maybe 15000...so was surprised when she could find no one...i mean we have a kazillion day care centers here !!...Thank you for makeing me Ok about this !!

Boni,

Can a compromise be made where you could watch her children maybe 2-3 days a week and another family member handle the other few days?

I know small children can be a handful, especially when we have to deal with FM. I hope you can come up with a solution that works best for all of you.

You've gotten advice, and I think you've decided to tell your niece tonight, so I only have one thing to add; When you tell her you'll sit 'a little longer', I'd give her a specific amount of time..1 week, 2 weeks, and make it clear that you will be unable to do it after that. If you leave it open-ended, time can drag on and on, with you get more stressed and run down every day. In a town that size, it shouldn't be a problem if she really tries. hugs

Hi, Msboni...maybe you can offer to help out when/if the kids get sick and cannot go to day care and for short times so your sister can get a break?

Like the others said, the truth will set you free...

Hi Boni

Your neice loves and trust you so tell her the truth. She will understand. You can't help her if you get sick so give yourself a break. Maybe when you get on your feet you can "oversee" someone else watching the girls without you actually doing the work. That way the girls are safe and you won't run yourself into the ground. Hugs to you! Cat

Oh Darling, I agree with Melinda, you have to tell your neice that it is not that you do not want to do it or that there is any problem with them,but you just are not physically able to do it anymore. It will be hard to do, but in the end you will be healthier for it.

BONI, I KNOW YOU LOVE HER BUT YOU KNOW YOU HAVE TO TELL HER THE TRUTH. YOU WILL ALWAYS FEEL GUILTY IF YOU MAKE UP SOMETHING. THIS IS THE BEST ADVICE I CAN GIVE YOU...LOVE...HELEN

Dear Boni,

I know what I am about to say may sound really harsh and uncaring. But it isn't true I promise. But she is the mother of those two girls. She has to take responsibility for those two girls. If she has to quit school or get a job or rearrange her scedule or find someone to watch her kids..those are her responsibilities not yours. Yes you love her and her kids dearly. We all know that and so does she. We know you wouldn't be asking advice unless you were realy in bad shape physically and I am sure emotionally as well. Like people said before. Be honest with her, give her a time limit, help her find a babysitter if you can (maybe in your church or something), be there if you can if the babysitter is sick. But everyone is right, you have to take care of yourself and your marriage. And your niece will have to know that this isnt out of meaness , that she will have to step up to the plate and do what needs to be done to make sure her daughters are safe and taken care of when she isnt there. As parents we all face times where we have to make tough decisions between our children and something we need or want even if it is the betterment for all in the end like schooling. I had to quit school so I could take care of my daughter. And well, my health got so bad by the time I did. I didn't have anyone to help and my family stepped in and took my daughter because of my health. There is talk of adoption but I am hoping I can turn it around. I am doing soo soo much better now. And I am hoping to get my daughter back. (there is just a really long story there that I can't go into that stems from way back into my past.) Anyway, as parents we all have to do what is necessary to take care of our kids. And we also have to remember when we don't take care of ourselves we cant take care of anyone else be it our husbands our kids our nieces etc. She is your sister. She loves you. She may get upset at first. But if she sees what this is doing to your body and heart. And when she sees you trying to help her get help so she doesnt have to quit school. She will eventually get over her upsetness. (don't think that is even a word lol)...Anyway I wish you the best of luck and I am here if you need me. She is going to be ok. And so are you, if you don't look out for yourself, who will? You must take care of yourself. This isnt a matter of selfishiness. This is a matter of your SURVIVAL!!! It is your life!! Take care of it!! We love you and are here for you. Please keep us posted.

Big Hugs,
TINK

Just tell her as you did us. Give her a month or so to find other child care. Little ones that age wear you out totally. Plus there has to be a lot of lifting. Be true to you! Good luck, sue