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This post is about our son and is quite a long rant.
He's acting out terribly, smoking pot and cigarettes and skipping school. His marks are kerapy and he's failing all his classes. He doesn't care. Now his excuse is he's failing, so why bother wasting his time going to school for the rest of the year? He's given up on himself. He's defiant, beligerant, angry, obnoxious, uncaring and deliberately hurtful. There's days where I cannot do anything (good or bad) with him due to fatigue and pain.
The way I found out that he was smoking pot was when his he and his friend were smoking it in the basement, at 5:00 pm while I was HOME and his dad was just coming in the door! His room was downstairs (decided to give him that privilege at the end of summer) and has since had to move back upstairs due to this, his attitude and sneaking out (duh, didn't put screen back on window).
He's seeing a counsellor and a home liason counsellor. I believe he has ODD/ADD, maybe bipolar and a drug addiction. I'm not a doctor but he exhibits all these symptoms. We're waiting for an appt to get a Drug Toxicology screening done as well as a certain psychologist appts.
I get so mad. I want to send him somewhere else and in fact, tried to have him committed (threatened suicide in joke one night after threatening to "run away") or taken by Social Services due to his behavior. My hubby has high BP and had a brain bleed stroke 4 years ago, so can't be under this constant stress. He sounded so depressed on the way to work this morning. Our son doesn't follow rules or respect us. He not only crossed the line, he's jumped over it, kicking us on the way over!
He was grounded this weekend for skipping school but decided to let him out twice for a cigarette. When we asked him where he got the money for smokes, he tried to lie, then admitted he went down main street picking up butts. ~sigh~
He's not sleeping. It's a constant battle with him to get him to stay in bed and last night, stayed up all night. We can't be awake 24/7 to make sure he goes to bed and sleeps.
He was so angry last night, threw my hubby's headphones down when we told him it was time to start homework. Then, instead of doing homework, he threw a glass on the wall, breaking it. Hubby went into the room because we wasn't sure exactly what noise that was and he didn't say anything. My hubby could have tore his foot up, requiring us to drive 30 mins to the emergency room, getting stitches and losing much needed work.
His daily antics are draining, often lasting 2 to 3 hours at a time and sends my FM into overload. We don't have much family out here, and the ones that are, refuse to have anything to do with him due to things that happened while he was with them. His older sister said she would take him just to "smack some sense" into him.
I feel like a prisoner....both with FM and with him. I can't go anywhere because I can't trust him, can't relax and can't get relief from stress. Thank god for my hubby because he keeps me sane.
He's acting out terribly, smoking pot and cigarettes and skipping school. His marks are kerapy and he's failing all his classes. He doesn't care. Now his excuse is he's failing, so why bother wasting his time going to school for the rest of the year? He's given up on himself. He's defiant, beligerant, angry, obnoxious, uncaring and deliberately hurtful. There's days where I cannot do anything (good or bad) with him due to fatigue and pain.
The way I found out that he was smoking pot was when his he and his friend were smoking it in the basement, at 5:00 pm while I was HOME and his dad was just coming in the door! His room was downstairs (decided to give him that privilege at the end of summer) and has since had to move back upstairs due to this, his attitude and sneaking out (duh, didn't put screen back on window).
He's seeing a counsellor and a home liason counsellor. I believe he has ODD/ADD, maybe bipolar and a drug addiction. I'm not a doctor but he exhibits all these symptoms. We're waiting for an appt to get a Drug Toxicology screening done as well as a certain psychologist appts.
I get so mad. I want to send him somewhere else and in fact, tried to have him committed (threatened suicide in joke one night after threatening to "run away") or taken by Social Services due to his behavior. My hubby has high BP and had a brain bleed stroke 4 years ago, so can't be under this constant stress. He sounded so depressed on the way to work this morning. Our son doesn't follow rules or respect us. He not only crossed the line, he's jumped over it, kicking us on the way over!
He was grounded this weekend for skipping school but decided to let him out twice for a cigarette. When we asked him where he got the money for smokes, he tried to lie, then admitted he went down main street picking up butts. ~sigh~
He's not sleeping. It's a constant battle with him to get him to stay in bed and last night, stayed up all night. We can't be awake 24/7 to make sure he goes to bed and sleeps.
He was so angry last night, threw my hubby's headphones down when we told him it was time to start homework. Then, instead of doing homework, he threw a glass on the wall, breaking it. Hubby went into the room because we wasn't sure exactly what noise that was and he didn't say anything. My hubby could have tore his foot up, requiring us to drive 30 mins to the emergency room, getting stitches and losing much needed work.
His daily antics are draining, often lasting 2 to 3 hours at a time and sends my FM into overload. We don't have much family out here, and the ones that are, refuse to have anything to do with him due to things that happened while he was with them. His older sister said she would take him just to "smack some sense" into him.
I feel like a prisoner....both with FM and with him. I can't go anywhere because I can't trust him, can't relax and can't get relief from stress. Thank god for my hubby because he keeps me sane.
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
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I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...
I'm sorry you'v got all this piled up on your plate. And I agree, your boy needs some serious help! I don't have much advice cuz I don't know what *I* would do in such a situation & it seems you are quite beyond the talking phase. :(
Just wanted to warn ya tho, putting the screen in won't mean he stays in... it never kept my brothers in at night. Drove my folks nuts!
Ever consider writing to Dr Phil? (just wonderin')
so have aconferance with him once you have contacted any help angencies...and let him know what his options really are...this is NO reflection on you as a parent...so please do not go that route...you will only allow him to continue acting out if you do not put responsability on his shoulders...How old is he ??
I will pray that you find the strength to help him to help himself...
Bonnie
i did go through the same exact problem years ago about 10 years ago to be exact. my son was doing pot ended up getting suspended and kicked out of school. i was alone my husband at the time was kicked out cause he was analcoholic so he was living with his parents. so at least you have each other to deal with this i had to do it alone.anyway do all you can to get him the help now the school at this point will help you social services might i really don't know the school or counselors will all advise you on how to handle this. i didn't hande it very well i was on my own and deling also with fibro at the time too.my son ended up going on heroin and it got so bad i had to have him arrested and then things fell into place after that. he was given the ultimatum either jail or rehab so he picked rehab he is now in the navy married and has a daughter so things did work out for the better. but get all the help you can from the counselors at school they will help you and advise you.how old is he anyway if it is add or bipolar once he gets on meds maybe things will turn around. my sons problem was the fact that his father was an alcoholic and was never ever home and never got any attention from his father.at least thats how i see it. because he basically came from a loving mother and grandparents.
anyway i will pray for you dear father please help carrie to deal with this problem and please help her and he husband to find out how to help their son. hold them close your prcious heart and all that they must endure to get their son back on track. i ask this in jesus name amen
love trish
Thanks msboni for your reply. He's just turned 14. The "intervention" came the other day with a meeting of 4 teachers, the principal, the school liason counsellor and myself. We talked about his strengths and weaknesses, then brought him in. He didn't take it that serious and doesn't understand the seriousness of his behavior. One night, after the suicide threat, running away from home (1st time), disobeying our rules/curfew, beligerant etc., I called the parent crisis line (no longer in service), the mobile crisis unit (they only intervene in extreme cases), the hospital (they were full), Social Services (they're only open during the weekdays, day hours) and as a last resort, 911. The officer said "I know what my daddy would do, take me out to the back of the woodshed". I said "then what?". He was on the phone to Social Services and said that they don't consider our home a threatening situation where they'd need to intervene and take him out of the house. I told him, give me a minute and I might just give you one!
I did, and do take his threat of suicide very seriously. He's always had that dark personality, fascinated with death and deceased relatives. I got him to the doctor and have another appt for him to see if he needs medication for depression. I hope he can open up to someone and get the help he needs.
He's very smart and manipulative but his "downfall" is that he is a bad liar and feels the need to "confess" things. I'm still undecided if that's because he has a conscience somewhere or if it's just to taunt me and "show me" just how bad he is. I do make him accountable for everything he does and don't allow him to use anyone as an excuse. He tries.
Part of ODD is the defiance, blame and violent behavor (hitting things, breaking things etc.) and he has violent highs and lows the last 4 months, probably due to drug use.
I'm soooooo taking a "crash and burn" day today!
Both my hubby and my families have practicing alcoholics and have not been there for our son.
It's hard because he has a wonderful sense of humor and compassion but hasn't used them the last 4 months. Every now and then I see a glimpse but it's a stretch.
There are days where i just want to give up on him, and let him fail, go to jail whatever, because it's so draining and heartbreaking. I've cried and cried over him and am so scared for him but he has to want to do these things for himself. Luckily, we haven't lost the line of communication.
Your message could have been written, word for my daughter about my 14-yr old grandson. My daughter has tried everything..put him in a counseling center for a week, actually had him arrested once, has him in therapy, pu him in juvenile mdetenion for two nights, sent him to his aunt out of state (she kept him 4 days, gave up)..the system has not been any help, and she has called the school, Social Services, parent hot line, no help anywhere. There are good programs for teens out there but they are VERY expensive, snd she csn't afford it. So don't feel like you are the only parent going thru this. I think kids today are in a lot of trouble, and the help they need in not readily available. I have been doing some research, thinging it might be bi-polar, he fits some of the symptons, not all. What I found that does fit, perfectly is something called Oppositional Defiant Disorder, which becomes worse if untreated and becomes .....I think Defiant contact Disoder is the name. There is some information on DS in the mental health community. Please read it, it sounds like what your son and my grandson are both dealing with. Also, you will find other parents there who are suffering as you are. I am here anytime you want to talk. Loving hugs.
PS: You can visit over there at mental helth, but don't spend too much time, we need you here!
I have been told by counsellors that ADD is the "diagnosis of the day". I replied "what if your son or family member truly needed medication or treatment, wouldn't you do everything possible to help them?" That usually shuts them up. I initially came to DS and joined the ADD/ADHD and ODD boards to get some help and solutions for our son. Luckily, I found this section too. :)
I am going to private message you only because this will turn into an entire page if i post it all here.
Hang in there. I think part of the problem is that the medical community is not helping you now, they are dragging their feet and not getting him in soon enough is not your fault.
Check your messages hun.
Hi marilyn, We are waiting for the psychiatrist appt. I told our son it's no longer "up to him" whether he goes on meds, sees counsellors or gets drug tested. Thanks for your reply and suggestions.
dreemweaver, I'll check my messages after this. Thanks!