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Cleaning house

deleted_user
deleted_user
Shoot me please

my mother came to visit

I have fibro but i'm having an RA flare right now too soooo ouchies...

My mother brought my auntie with her and promptly left wasn't here even 5 minutes

My house is a mess

fudge a duck didn't she phone me when she got home about my messy house bla bla bla bla...
tried to shame me told me there is no way my 10 year old made that mess....

HELL YES SHE DID!!!!!
I call her destructo for a reason....

I'm so sick of this shit from her
my auntie understands she has fibro too

how do you explain to someone they are being stupid... i'm so tired of being the bad guy... i've never been able to make her happy and i've never done anything right

now sore and flaring i have to scrub my house down so she won't come over to clean up..(she throws things out)*(sometimes important things)
then pats herself on the back and makes me feel inadiquate ..

it's getting to the point i'm gonna ban ALL visits from anyone... i really hate having anyone in my home now. i never invite anyone in...
it's my mess and noone elses business

I really mean it i absolutly hate having anyone in my home it's become a phobia for me..
thanks mom
deleted_user
deleted_user
If you were my baby girl i would sit right down in the middle of ur mess......look you square in the eye and say....How ya doin girl !!

No way would I ever make a fuss over someones mess...

I think we shouls all band together and go over to each others house and clean...like we used to when we were teens......anyone else ever do that ??

Do not feel so bad hon...my house is a mess and hell yea I made it that way...I have plenty of energy to mess it up....just no energy to clean it up...and my hubby helps mess it up too....but he is to damn busy to clean it up...so come on over to my house....and we can sit in a comfortable mess and have us a sip..

Bonnie
deleted_user
deleted_user
You're right, it's YOUR business, noone else's. I suggest you tell your mother so. In a loving way, of course, i.e. "Mom, I truly love you and I know you want the best for me and my family, but you are causing me stress, and therefore more pain. I do what I can, when I can. I do not need to be made to feel that my best is not good enough. I am considering banning everyone from my home. I don't want to do that, but I can not and will not continue in the present vien. Please visit ME and not my house". If that doesn't work, don't let her come over unless you invite her for a set time and day. On the practical side, your daughter is old enough to help, and she should. DO NOT let your mother clean for you..that perpetuates her opinion that you aren't doing enough on your own, and reinforces the idea that the condition of your house is her business. I hope you can resolve this. Please try not to stress over it. I had this same problem, only in my case it was my kids who remembered how clean my house used to be, and thought it still should be. I made the rules clear, and now it's not an issue. Good luck, hugs
deleted_user
deleted_user
Now that all sounds like a good plan bonnie.I have the same problem my self when the occasional person drops in.I don't like it when people comment but never think to be helpful or try to understand. I send out no invites. Let it roll of your back hon. I know with her being your mom it makes everything harder. so sorry.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Oh, I feel your pain! I try to not have anyone over to my house nowadays, and I really, REALLY hate surprise visits from anyone. I used to have someone clean my house for me every other week, but that was before I was paying all the extra medical bills and paying for 2 extra babies, both of whom are almost always sick.
I'm sorry you're feeling so bad, and I would not worry about this anymore. I say lay down on the couch with a cup of hot tea & watch some mindless TV. :)
Hugs, Shelli
deleted_user
deleted_user
WOW. I really do not know what to say. My mom was a die hard clean house mom but she also was a roll up your sleeves and get to work type of gal.Whenever one of us was sick or had a surgery she would come and do dishes, sweep the floor, wash the clothes and hang them out. She never threw things out. I really miss her and would give anything just to have her back. She had seven kids and we had a clean house. I have a clean house too. I always feel guilty if people come and I feel my house is not up to my standards and people see it. We are judged by the homes we keep. One of my biggest problems is getting rid of stuff, someone might need it someday. I am lucky I have a husband that really helps out and is very understanding. He works full time, so I often deal with guilt if I ask him to do things, and he just does not clean the way I do so I try not to complain. Yesterday he did the dishes, he did not clean out the sinks, or wipe the counter and stove top oh well he tries. I would say let your mom come over and clean until her heart is content, make sure you are not home and leave her a list. HAHA
deleted_user
deleted_user
I'm so thankful my mother use to come over and help me clean my appt. Now i've had to move in with my brother and his family until i get ss now i don't feel guilty about my 70 yr old mother cleaning my house i feel guilty about intruding on my brother . We can't win!!!!!
mynameisD
mynameisD
It sounds like your mom may not know what to do for you so she cleans to make herself busy and to help you out. Maybe you should just sit down and talk honestly with her about all the things that she does that annoy you. It is worth a try.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Besides the whole fact that she should understand that you are sick...I mean C'mon...geeeez......i love my baby girl so much i would clean her house even in a flare if she needed my help.....tho i will not clean my own when in a flare....lol....I must like her more then I like myself !!
CarrieinSK
CarrieinSK
I second ladybughug's advice. She needs to be told...today!
deleted_user
deleted_user
aahhhh, mothers mothers mothers... you gotta love em (or kill em). Life is hard enough without this crap isn't it? I do agree with death, maybe this is her only way of showing you that she cares (in a round about and upside down way). I say, make sure your important stuff is out of the way and let her clean if she want's to, maybe she can come over once a week and do it for you? If that makes her happy, then you'll just have to bear the thought of a clean house each week, lol.

Seriously though, you need to talk to her, or get your Aunt to, it sounds like your Aunt is more in line with how you are feeling. She might listen too from her sister??
deleted_user
deleted_user
Man that is tough. I come from a family that never visits unless they call and plan it first. Bless them for that.

It sounds like your Mom is trying to shame you by coming by without calling first. In my area that is considered rude but in other parts of the country it's commonplace.

One of the things my Mom likes to do is clean and organize. She came and helped me move recently and she was a big help. I am not organized at all.

Maybe turn this around and ask her if she would help you with the housework and organizing? She might want to help but doesn't know how to come out and ask.

I personally would put down boundaries on any drop by visits. I would just ask her if she could call first and see if you are up to a visit that day. I don't like unexpected guests and it makes me anxious too.

I personally go to visit my friends not their homes. I also make arrangements first.

Don't take it too hard because even the cleanest people can get caught off guard!
Hugs, Keleee :)
deleted_user
deleted_user
mom is a different kind of person guys..
she says to me it doesn't matter and she loves me
then the next breath reprimands me for everything tells me off in front of my kids..
dear lord in heaven she looks at me like she looks at my father with utter contempt and a look of disgust on her face i don't even think she knows she's doing it.
it's almost like she's 2 different people and i'm really tired of catering to her..
deleted_user
deleted_user
well...am just very sorry to hear that...tuff enuff just to get thru a day and then to have the one person you should be able to rely on for help anywhereanytime4anything reprimand you like a child in fron of your children....well......am just sorry to hear it is all
deleted_user
deleted_user
One thing comes across very clear to me, you LOVE your mom more than words can say. Only people that we love can cause us such pain. I am willing to bet she calls or talks to you nearly every day. Maybe she needs a support group. Hang in there.
deleted_user
deleted_user
you are right about that
i take so much from my mom and rarely ever complain and yes we talk almost everyday

i just wish she would stop i'm not a bad person i'm not my father


anyway it felt good to vent thanks guys
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