Just the other night my husband and kiddos left to do some shopping, and my hubby asked if I felt like driving, would I? I thought this was a strange request, because he always drives, and when we got in, I said "oh, this is so weird I haven't driven anywhere in so long". My hubby looked at me in a very tender way and said, "I know". it hit me suddenly that he just wanted to see back in the world, doing the normal things that I used to do. It made me sad that I have stayed so isolated lately, and yet I was happy that he is sensitive enough to see this about me and our life. I've read so many things on here recently, and realized that I really have been hiding out. My husband is laid off temporarily (I hope and wish and beg and make peace offerings with ALL the Gods lol!) and so I can get away without having to go out into public much, and it really hadn't bothered me until I realized that I am hiding. I'm hiding the suitcases under my eyes, my weight gain (menopause and meds.), my fibro fog, my being off balance and clumsy, the horrible hot flashes (meno again) that are aggravated by the embarrassment of sweating like that in public, the fact that by the time I've showered and dressed, I'm too tired to do what I was going to do, having to explain why it took me 5 mins. to uncurl myself out of a chair, because I sat there too long, the list goes on and on. I'm really hiding. It's so sad. Do some of you find yourselves doing this too? Because I don't really feel depressed, I feel anxious because hubby is the only bread-winner in our family, and his job is REALLY important, but other than that, I find that most of the time, this is just easier. If I want to stay in my soft PJ's that don't annoy my skin (this is one of my most hated fibro symptoms-sensitivity to EVERYTHING), I do. If I want to watch movies or TV, I do, read a book, do a crossword, play a comp. game, clean bathroom slowly but surely at 3am, because I napped all day, I do. This life isn't so bad. Being a bit more lazy isn't so bad when you have fibro, but am I missing out? is the world so important? Does it matter? Am I worrying about something I need not worry about? lol! What do you all think? -T
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