I see our counselor tomorrow with my guy of two years. I am terrified because I am realizing I am just not a very sexual person and he is very sexual. Obviously this doesn't make good for a relationship, yet I love him sooooo much. It's going to suck because I am making the commitment to work on this, but I don't want to betray myself and my patterns. I would rather be doing anything with him than having sex. Even fishing and I don't fish. This sucks so bad that it's putting me into an insane place that I don't want to go to. I guess I don't have much confidence in this working and I'm in deep pain. I just can't be saying yes anymore when I want to say no. It hurts me and I can't violate myself anymore! UUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
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