
Female Sexual Issues Support Group
Sexual dysfunction or sexual malfunction is difficulty during any stage of the sexual act (which includes desire, arousal, orgasm, and resolution) that prevents the individual or couple from enjoying sexual activity. Sexual dysfunction disorders are generally classified into four categories: sexual desire disorders, sexual arousal disorders, orgasm disorders, and sexual...

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I was dating an older guy, which I didn't see as a problem at the time. It was a 6-7 yr age difference, i am 24. I have unresolved issues relating to molestation as a child. I say this because i think it might be why the following story has such a strong effect on me.
In the past i might have fallen into the sex addict category. I always thought of being kinky and having a high sex drive as a good thing so long as it wasn't harmful to myself or my daily life. Then it started becomming too out of control. A long standing relationship i'd been in ended....and i was dating around. Not in order to have sex, because masturbation was enough for me [even if i did it too much for my own good].
I met a guy, we dated for a few weeks, became a couple...and at my express wishes did not have sex for a month. It had been about 4 months for me and i assumed our sexual problems were because of this and a few other things. He was a lot larger then any previous b/fs and i just thought i needed to get used to it. It was not enjoyable, then painful, and finnally i started having really bad urinary infections. To the point where i would need to call in sick and sit in a hot tub for hours on end in tears. I saw a doctor a few times who gave me anti-biotics. My boyfriend and I had discussed the issue several times. We agreed to be more gentil and that he wouldn't enter all the way. I started drinking because I noticed it loosened me up and it hurt less. The gentil sex wasn't stimulating for him, and he hardly ever climaxed....i felt guilty about this.
after drinking I would become more able to do more in bed or just more willing and less caring about the consequences. He would get rough and I would say ouch, or move away [he ignored what i said at times or thought i was being kinky and played into it more roughly]. then we'd start again and he'd get rough again...this would happen a few times till i just gave up so it would be over sooner. I had tearing/bleeding and multiple urinary tract infections. So eventually I just found myself trying to arrange our plans so i wouldn't be spending the night with him. The sex addict part of me didn't want to stop or end the relations even though it was hurting. I felt ashamed for being bad in bed, and thought it would be wrong to end things because I didn't want to sleep with him. We split after 6 months for many reasons, including the ones i've mentioned.
After a couple of weeks I noticed how strongly I guarded my personal space. A friend tried to voice his interest in dating me, ever since i've kept my distance from him physically and socially. When getting change at the deli i will go through any number of awkward movements to avoid touching the guy's hand when i get my change. I'm very leery of brushing hands, friendly hugs...and espcially if someone has interest in dating.
I stopped masturbating altogether for a good 3 months, and only occassionally for another 3 or 4. My friends that have noticed that i go out of my way to avoid touching even them...[in the most casual way].
Then we had a major loss in the family, my step-father died of cancer. I was sad about it, but i'm not really the crying/hugging type....so i didn't untill the funeral. I hugged sooooo many strangers, and cried in front of countless people. While it's horrible and i'd rather it had never happend... i thought that maybe i had been cured. I hugged a lot of my friends too, guys and girls. Over the next 4 months my sex drive picked up in masturbation....but i still wanted nothing to do with a partner. I've recenly started thinking of people again when i do this....but not all the time. I miss being in a relationship, but i don't miss the sex. This is the longest i've ever been single. I think a friend of mine has been interested since we met, but too scared to be direct because of the little he does know about my past. [ that i'm not interested in dating and my last one was rocky ]
Truthfully i'm glad i've taken time to be single considering these issues... and i'm not even sure i'm attracted to my friend. I'm mostly troubled by the fact that i miss being in a relationship...and loving someone. But i don't feel like i can. I worry about not wanting to sleep with future b/f's. The unrational side of me is worried it will be painful again. I know that I played the biggest part in my past, and not speaking up and not taking care of myself was my fault. But I worry that i would do that again. What if the next guy i get attatched to is larger then i'm used to as well? what if now i messed something up and sex will never be good again? how would i tell a new b/f these issues? who would want to date someone with these issues? I can't seem to imagine being intimate with anyone, not just sex. I know i need to deal with these issues before i start dating again... i guess i'm just ready to start on some levels.
I'm VERY uncomfortable with talking about these issues with a therapist. I tried talking about my childhood molestation with a female therapist in the past,...and it was just too much and too invasive for me. I had to stop because it was effecting my life negativly. I restarted eating disorder behavior again [anorexia and bulemia], and drinking. Right now i'm focused on my school work and on the heavy end of the healthy scale =] and pretty okay with it, i know that once finnals are over i will be working out again and more healthy. But when my friend very shyly mentioned something recently letting me know he was interested, a few days later i had a purging inceident and some starving.... =[
I don't feel intimdated or scared of him at all... so i don't understand where this came from. It's also confusing b/c i don't even know if i'm attracted to him. So why start starving and purging? And why can't I just figure out if i'm interested in him or not? And why can't i just get over what happend in my last relationship? I understand that it was my choice, so i made a bad one....no biggie right? =[ any sugestions?
I recently watched Black Snake Moan, the previews were AWEFUL....and i have a thing for bad movies =] anyways....it was a bit of a surprise for me how meanful it was. It helped me to think about the past from when i was a kid....so i recomend it to anyone that has been molested/rape as a child. But it did mess me up for a good week or two....so be careful as well.
In the past i might have fallen into the sex addict category. I always thought of being kinky and having a high sex drive as a good thing so long as it wasn't harmful to myself or my daily life. Then it started becomming too out of control. A long standing relationship i'd been in ended....and i was dating around. Not in order to have sex, because masturbation was enough for me [even if i did it too much for my own good].
I met a guy, we dated for a few weeks, became a couple...and at my express wishes did not have sex for a month. It had been about 4 months for me and i assumed our sexual problems were because of this and a few other things. He was a lot larger then any previous b/fs and i just thought i needed to get used to it. It was not enjoyable, then painful, and finnally i started having really bad urinary infections. To the point where i would need to call in sick and sit in a hot tub for hours on end in tears. I saw a doctor a few times who gave me anti-biotics. My boyfriend and I had discussed the issue several times. We agreed to be more gentil and that he wouldn't enter all the way. I started drinking because I noticed it loosened me up and it hurt less. The gentil sex wasn't stimulating for him, and he hardly ever climaxed....i felt guilty about this.
after drinking I would become more able to do more in bed or just more willing and less caring about the consequences. He would get rough and I would say ouch, or move away [he ignored what i said at times or thought i was being kinky and played into it more roughly]. then we'd start again and he'd get rough again...this would happen a few times till i just gave up so it would be over sooner. I had tearing/bleeding and multiple urinary tract infections. So eventually I just found myself trying to arrange our plans so i wouldn't be spending the night with him. The sex addict part of me didn't want to stop or end the relations even though it was hurting. I felt ashamed for being bad in bed, and thought it would be wrong to end things because I didn't want to sleep with him. We split after 6 months for many reasons, including the ones i've mentioned.
After a couple of weeks I noticed how strongly I guarded my personal space. A friend tried to voice his interest in dating me, ever since i've kept my distance from him physically and socially. When getting change at the deli i will go through any number of awkward movements to avoid touching the guy's hand when i get my change. I'm very leery of brushing hands, friendly hugs...and espcially if someone has interest in dating.
I stopped masturbating altogether for a good 3 months, and only occassionally for another 3 or 4. My friends that have noticed that i go out of my way to avoid touching even them...[in the most casual way].
Then we had a major loss in the family, my step-father died of cancer. I was sad about it, but i'm not really the crying/hugging type....so i didn't untill the funeral. I hugged sooooo many strangers, and cried in front of countless people. While it's horrible and i'd rather it had never happend... i thought that maybe i had been cured. I hugged a lot of my friends too, guys and girls. Over the next 4 months my sex drive picked up in masturbation....but i still wanted nothing to do with a partner. I've recenly started thinking of people again when i do this....but not all the time. I miss being in a relationship, but i don't miss the sex. This is the longest i've ever been single. I think a friend of mine has been interested since we met, but too scared to be direct because of the little he does know about my past. [ that i'm not interested in dating and my last one was rocky ]
Truthfully i'm glad i've taken time to be single considering these issues... and i'm not even sure i'm attracted to my friend. I'm mostly troubled by the fact that i miss being in a relationship...and loving someone. But i don't feel like i can. I worry about not wanting to sleep with future b/f's. The unrational side of me is worried it will be painful again. I know that I played the biggest part in my past, and not speaking up and not taking care of myself was my fault. But I worry that i would do that again. What if the next guy i get attatched to is larger then i'm used to as well? what if now i messed something up and sex will never be good again? how would i tell a new b/f these issues? who would want to date someone with these issues? I can't seem to imagine being intimate with anyone, not just sex. I know i need to deal with these issues before i start dating again... i guess i'm just ready to start on some levels.
I'm VERY uncomfortable with talking about these issues with a therapist. I tried talking about my childhood molestation with a female therapist in the past,...and it was just too much and too invasive for me. I had to stop because it was effecting my life negativly. I restarted eating disorder behavior again [anorexia and bulemia], and drinking. Right now i'm focused on my school work and on the heavy end of the healthy scale =] and pretty okay with it, i know that once finnals are over i will be working out again and more healthy. But when my friend very shyly mentioned something recently letting me know he was interested, a few days later i had a purging inceident and some starving.... =[
I don't feel intimdated or scared of him at all... so i don't understand where this came from. It's also confusing b/c i don't even know if i'm attracted to him. So why start starving and purging? And why can't I just figure out if i'm interested in him or not? And why can't i just get over what happend in my last relationship? I understand that it was my choice, so i made a bad one....no biggie right? =[ any sugestions?
I recently watched Black Snake Moan, the previews were AWEFUL....and i have a thing for bad movies =] anyways....it was a bit of a surprise for me how meanful it was. It helped me to think about the past from when i was a kid....so i recomend it to anyone that has been molested/rape as a child. But it did mess me up for a good week or two....so be careful as well.
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Honey, I'm afraid that you will most likely not lick this problem unless you get some good therapy!!!
I was molested from the time I was 5 until I was 15, with intercourse starting at about 11 or 12, and it was a case of incest, as well.
The first time I tried therapy, I couldn't even talk about it until I excused myself and went down to the bathroom and puked.
I've been to 4 counselors at least and it was only with one very good one that I finally managed to heal from what had happened to me in the past.
You can choose not to go, and it will not be fun at first if and when you do choose to go, but it may be the only way that you can ever get out of the spot that you're in.
Good luck with whatever course of action you take. I DO know a lot of what you are going through and it is very hard. (I had an eating disorder, too; bulimia. It would come and go. The times when it came were always times of high stress.)
Take care and good luck!!!
and replying to this insanely long winded message!
i waited so long to say anything that now i'm just peeling out long winded stories all over the place...
your reply really helped, and i'm working my way up to going back to see someone.