Hi, Girlneedshelp!!!
The short answer is, when he asks you if you want to sit on his big sausage, is 'Nope.'
He's acting extremely selfish and uncaring. If you have talked to him at length about this, and nothing has changed, save your breath. Unless it's something new that you have to say. Why SHOULD he change? He keeps getting his way.
If it was me, when he wanted sex, I'd say 'I need sex too, and it hurts me that you are unwilling to give me the same pleasure that you want. The way you feel right now is just how I feel when I want sex and you refuse to satisfy me at those times.
Love and sex are 2 way streets and I'm no longer willing to have it any other way. When you show me that you love me by satisfying me, then I will love to and be more than happy to show you the same.'
And I wouldn't do this in an angry way, either. Just calmly and matter of factly.
And I would refuse to discuss it any further, if he started to argue about it. I'd tell him that what you have just said is what you need and have a right to expect and that he should let you know if and when he changes his mind about his part in your pleasure and that you want him to do it lovingly and not in a resentful way, as though he's doing you a favor.
And I wouldn't have sex with him unless he did so.
I was in your situation at one time and sex was not just unsatisfying; it was an experience that left me sad and hurt. Even as it was happening. That is NOT what sex is supposed to be.
Good luck!!! I hope things get better for you soon!! True intimacy is what marriage is all about.

I know just how you feel.My husband is a horrible lover.I have tried over and over again to get him to do the things i like but he just won't.I have tried everything I know to get him to change.

I'm with you! Its not that i dont get the oral or anything! its that he is just lazy in bed i guess!! I hate the way he goes about things! my hubby wants to wait till i'm a sleep to want any sex, so there for he wants to wake me up! I wont let him most of the time. I'm here if you need to talk.

I am a man and I think Carla is right on. Next time he ask if you want to sit on his big sausage tell him no, that he is going to have tto please you first and then he can put the bread in the oven.

Yikes! that's the whole problem, I do say no, not until you get with the program and he just says, "OK fine." goes to sleep and that's it. It's just frustrating. he always wins at battle of the wills. Thanks for the support everyone.

Hi, Girlneedshelp!!!
Well, in light of your second post, I think that you should go into marital counseling. There's something else going on here. Deeper issues. 'Battles of wills' are never good in a marriage.
Good luck!!! I hope you guys work your problems out!!!
Take care!!!

Unlike old dogs, your hubby can learn new tricks. Find a time, not at night in bed, but during a walk or dinner together, where you can look him in the eyes and tell him you're unhappy. Tell him its not just about romance, its about fulfilling your needs as a woman and that his lovemaking is not satisfying to you. I HATE guys like this because it makes all of us look like louts. I LOVE sex and finding ways to get my partner bouncing off the walls makes my whole week! Ask him if there is anything you can do to make HIS experience better. I'm hoping that he will see that the door swings both ways. Good luck to you, Girl. Write anytime. yo' buddy.

I ended my 5 year marriage and my 17 year relationship with my ex because rarely wanted to have sex and when we did, it totally sucked. No oral, no foreplay, just "pull your pants down" - honestly - that's what he would say. I also had repeated serious discussions with him explaining how important this issue was for me. It was the realization that he just didn't care enough about my needs/feelings to make any attempt to fulfill me that finally led to me leaving. Of course, as a woman I dealt w/ feelings of being shallow and a slut for leaving over sex.

I have had a really hard time because he was my best friend. It was hard to walk away and it's been even harder to really let go.

However, like Carla said, marriage is about intimacy. A marriage therapist said to me "the only thing you get from your husband/wife that you can't get anywhere else is physical intimacy". I decided that I didn't want to live that way anymore.

On the bright side, I'm having the best sex of my life with my new boyfriend.

I'm not saying leave, just sharing my story.

I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL!!! its like because we want the sex we have to do all the work! thats not fair! but i found a little loop hole recently... i told him all the naughty things i wanted to do with him... he said, "not tonight im to tired.." so i left it at that...

untill the lights went off... and i got into bed naked! i mean come one now.. what guy is just going to sleep with a women next to him naked and horney...

and might i say my plan worked wonders! the sex was GREAT!

I know the feeling when i first started with my bf he was grat at making love but now its been over 2 years making love is just sex and its as soon as he can get it over with, no kissing or touching and if i want to make love i have to suck him off to get him hard. Its really starting to hurt my feelings but i love him so much and would do anything for him

good lordery all your comments are like looking in a mirror. i have some coments to add to a few of yours. joybells, change him i wish we could!!!! i guess we just keep trying but truthly i don't feel we can. mama05, well not from where i stand. we sleep naked everynight we lay and watch tv naked as i'm rubbing/strking all over him. i get turned down all the time or he falls asleep, i fell to get out of haveing sex. i seriously know he's not normal. he's also very arregant know's he's got a awsome body and most of all the most beautiful dick i have ever seen any where even pornos, it's so perfict it makes me get goose boomps just thinking about the way it looks. i want to touch,rub suck it etc..... constantly. i think that's most of the problum he's never had to do anything, just show his dick and you go crazy. so i guess because it's always been this way with all the women he's been with it's about him, him, him. it's gotten a little better over the last 15 yrs. toots my god sweetie i know just how you feel. it's like if you realy love me show me, kiss me make love to me it should be a natural feeling , and when they don't give you that love makeing you want and crave a pice of your heart deterates everyday. i ask myself why do i settle for this? is it because we keep hopeing will get that lovemakeing we want and desire so much from them? boy i wish someone could help me figure all this crap out!!!! good luck to everyone. 500SL