I am one of those men. I no I do not think that it is fair but what can I do about it. I have tried talking to her and she just calls me a jerk and that I should get over it. She thinks that sex is all about her and dosen't give a damn about the way I feel. I have not had an affair yet but I am sure that if the opprotunity presents it'self I will probably go for it and then I will feel like the two timing jerk that I am. Someone tell me what should I do.

No, I don't think its fair, but lots of things in life aren't fair. Sometimes we just have to deal with what's not fair and try to get through it.

My advice to William is... well, let me just start by saying that I don't think lack of sex is the number 1 issue in your marriage. I hope I'm not overstepping here because I don't know you, but from what you've said it seems like you are feeling invalidated. That you think your partner doesn't care about what you are feeling and thinking. If I were you, before you take the drastic measure of having an affair, I would have a conversation with your partner about that. Don't even mention sex. Its not about sex. Just tell her that you are feeling invalidated in your relationship because she seems to not care about your feelings. Then segway into that you want to talk about sex, still remembering that this is a conversation about the two of you not being able to communicate and not about sex.

Also remember she's probably only acting this way because of her own insecurities about sex. She probably feels like she's letting you down. Or, at worst, she probably feels like you just don't understand what she's going through. I know its hard. And I wish you luck.

*hugs*

I don't think it is fair to make a man go without. Even if you have no libido, there are things you can do to make him feel loved and wanted. There is nothing worse in a marriage or more hurtful to a person than to not feel loved and wanted. On either side.

It is not fair. There are things you can do to give him relief other than intercourse if that is out of the question. Most men ahve a strong sex desire and need sex more than you think. If you make him do without he feels rejected, unwanted and dirty. Men need to feel wanted to just like a woman does. Some men are strong enough not to have an affair, but very few. You are placing him in a situation to where if a woman comes on to him it is going to be very hard for him to say no even though he loves you. I've always heard that if there is no food on the table everytime he comes home and his neighbor is having steaks every night and invites him to join her, he is finally going to join her.

Depends on the situation I think. There were some pretty heavy-duty trust issues between me and my ex, I still think I was right to insist he work on those before we tried having sex again. Just to be devil's advocate.
But obviously every situation is different, that wouldn't be the right advice for everyone.

If your partner wants sexual satisfaction at a time when you don't, and there's a healthy kind of love between the two of you, then you would want to take care of your partner!!
(Speaking in the general, generic sense here, not specific to you and your partner.)

I think its tragic regardless of whether its the husband or wife. A healthy sexual relationship is imperative to a healthy marriage, unless both parties agree to a different course of action. If one person has been injured, then - to me - the "for better or worse" clause kicks in and you suck up your karma. But if one person one days says to the other, "no more for me" that's a problem that deals with either physical or psychological issues that in fairness to both sides, needs to be discussed.

Let me ask Janeyjane this - would you be ok if your husband said, in effect, "ok, I respect your desire not to have sex anymore. Do you mind if I get that elsewhere"? If so, then at least you're being fair about it. If not, then you are saying, "you should want what I want or at least be ok enough to shut down your sexual desire for the rest of your life".

If my wife or girlfriend told me that, I'd say, "let's get into therapy, please!" If she said, "no" I'd say, "we are not going to make it". You're 36. Assuming your husband is around the same age, he has decades of healthy sex ahead of him. To deprive a spouse that? I vote, unfair and, moreover, unworkable longterm.

i was only asking others what they thought,i dont belive that they should be made to go without forever either, i sometimes dont feel like sex , and we can go without for weeks, the longest has been months, (ive not been well this yr either) BUT no matter how i feel and how long i havent been in the mood and wanted sex, i always make the effort to have sex with my husband because i do believe it is unfair to make them go without, i wouldnt do it if ifelt eh yuk,i really dont want to, and my husb says also he wouldnt want me to unless i really wanted,to. i think if it got to the stage if i never wanted to again, i would let him be free to either find someone else for sex or end the relationship, whatever seemed fairer at thetime. i go through stages where i dont want to have it, but find it is only coz i havent done it for a while, the longer you leave it ,the more you dont want it, and the more you have it the more you want it =if you know what i mean . i belive sex is an important part of the relationship, if there is a serious problem then i wuld get counsselling for us both

I hope you find a solution, Janey. One thing you might consider, I see from your profile that you are on a couple of meds. I'm not familiar with them, but I do know that some psychotherapeutic drugs as well as others can affect the libido. You might look into that to see if there is a pharmacological element involved in your lack of desire. Just a thought. Good luck.

just an update here, friday night i actually thought, ive had enough ofthis no sex, no passion etc etc and i thought, its about time i made the effort, so i did, and my partner and i had a totally , unexpected enjoyable passionate night !!! see all it takes is a bit of support from others and a bit of effort and bingo !!!
thanks guys

So glad to hear that janeyjane. I hope williamj's wife has a similar epiphany.