I don't think he stopped loving you. I think he was just horny and someone else gave him what he wanted and he fell in love with them. Sex is very improtant to a man I think. When a woman is a very willing partner it will make a man love her more. He probably just started the affair to get his sexual relief and after time he fell in love with her because she took care of his needs. He probably didn't start out thinking he was going to fall in love with her. What he done was wrong but the strong desire for sexual fulfillment makes a person make bad choices,

I am one of those men who's wife has removed sex from his life. I have never cheated on my wife and probably won't. I will stop short of condoning what your husband did to you but I understand why he had an affair. I think that some women and men for that matter do not realize what they are doing to their mate when they cut them off. In my case I was angry at my partner for doing this to me then I began to blame myself thinking that maybe I just was not pleasing her enough. Now I have gotten to the point where I just don't care any more. I now live in the basement and sleep in the extra bedroom. I don't try to talk to her about it because all that happens is that she gets angry and starts on about something else. We really live in separate worlds within the same four walls.

I realize that you did not take sex away from your husband to be mean but you must have realized that something was wrong. Taking sex away from someone that you love is a sure way to destroy that love. Please seek some help, not for your ex but for yourself and for your future.

men love sex bottom line Hun. he couldnt get it from you so he went somewhere else. Sorry to say it like that.

During those 9 years of marriage, did you take care of him sexually (in ways other than intercourse) as much as he needed, or did you think that he should adjust his needs to yours and that if he loved you, he would continue on that way throughout the entire marriage?
He did try to improve the marriage by getting those tapes.
You could have talked to a doctor about the situation, even when you were pregnant.
On your profile page, you say that your argued about it all the time. You could have suggested counseling at any point in the marriage, too.
I don't mean to be harsh, but it sounds like you didn't consider his needs going unmet to be a significant problem within the marriage as long as he was willing to live with it, even though he would have liked more.
Do you think that you kind of minimized the problem and/or his unhappiness because you didn't want to change, yourself?
Good luck to you!!! My exhusband divorced me after 29 years of marriage and it was possible the most painful thing I have ever gone through in my life!!!
Take care!!!!

i am in a similar situation although i am not married.

sex is a very powerful if not the most powerful instinct a man has. no one gets married for sex so his love was probably sincere. would he have stayed in the marriage if you hadnt cut him off?

I don't mean this as insulting, but I find it hard to believe in this day and age that woman don't understand that sex is a physiological need - like food, water, etc. (see Maslow). Men (and I'm generalizing a bit) NEED sex frequently. I can tell you that after two days without sex, I'm very aggressive and moody. It can make me irrational as well.

I can tell you the answer to your question - YES. I am in that very situation today.. I love my wife, but my sexual needs are not being met... I've shared with her on multiple occasions that I'm not happy (see 20 year itch thread).

I'm not condoning his behavior. What he did was wrong, but you neglected him as well. Did you ever suggest counseling..? You played a part in the failed relationship as well, but the way he treated you was clearly wrong. I hope he's providing, financially and emotionally, for your kids. I say this often, but please resist the temptation to bash him in front of and to your kids. They will remember which parent did this when they're adults..

I am in the very same situation as yours but I am still married. We have no sex life at all. We sleep in the same bed but with different blankets. It has been like this for the past 3 years. I know it is mainly my falt and we argue over this time and time again. I don't think that he (mine and maybe your ex) realizes that we are going through a time in our lives that we just need them there for support and not for sex. My husband doesn't realize that. I try to explain this to him but he doesn't want to hear it. He also bought porn for both of use to watch but it doesn't do anything for me !!!! I can some what understand what you went through because he just recently started to go out and know I am having a very deep feeling that he might be cheating on me but he says that he would never do that. All I cansay is just see your doctor and tell him/her what your problem is and maybe they can help you and point you in the right direction. Something that I can;t do!!!

to Suzzie. I am not sure what you are waiting for? Do you plan to wait until he does make a move and have an affair. It sounds like you want to keep it together but on your terms (no sex) I kind of doubt if that will work and if it does I can tell you from experience your husband will be a miserable man. 'Please get some help soon. You marriage is doomed" Even if you continue to live tgether you will both be very unhappy.

to Williamj I know that I I am working on it. It is a hard topic to talk to your Dr. about! I try to talk to my husband but it doesn't come out right. I kinda think he might be having an affair but I don't have no proof. He goes out every Wednesday to "hang with his friends from work" kinda thing and leaves me home. I get so fustruated when he goes. On our Aniversary he went out to hand with his friends and left me home!!!!!

To SussieM Have you thought about counciling. You both need to get help. He needs to see your side and you need to see his. You can not just ignore this thing. It will not go away as long as you stay married. I would not be accusing him of having an affair but I think that the anniversery thing sounds a little like payback. Not a good sign.

To williamJ: I would try counciling but the thing is that we both have lng days except when he is of during the week. I work full-time and go to school full-time. I try to spend all my free time with him especially on Wednesdays when I get off of school early. The reason why I think what I think is because he goes out at 9:30 p.m. and doesn't come home until 2 or 3 the next morning. He don't want me to go with him either. I don't know weather he is or not. There is also another thing about the phone situation- he has been talking to this lady who he works with and when we got our bill in he has talked more to her then me I asked him about this and he said that it was someone ealse. I found out that it is this lady that is having "problems" in her marrage and he says that they are just talking about it. He also started not to spend that much time with me either. I just don't know what to do about this. He has told me that we should go to counciling but there is ntime for it. He works weekends and I work during the days and go to scholl full-time. Can any one give any advise on what to do or what to say to him about this matter?????? He also doesn't like to talk about this kind of stuff with me either. I try to talk to him and he makes it seem like he is to busy for me when I am home. I try and try. It is also very hard on our marriage because his mother and brother lives with us and he never really gave me the chance to hear what I have to say about anything. We ahve had this problem in the past when they both lived with use before and all his mom and I did was fight and I know that it most likely will end up in the same situation!!!!! Please some opne give me some advise on this matter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!