I have been in a pretty crazy relationship for the last two years. My boyfriend would pull me out of rooms by my hair, pull chunks of my hair out, pour beer on me, kick me, hit me, and constantly put me down. I lived with him and even though he did all that to me, I never wanted to leave. He was selling drugs at the time, so he constantly had people at his house. He never made anyone leave, sometimes they would stay for days at a time (they wouldn't even take a shower). When other girls came over he would let them stay as long as they wanted and he would put me down in front of them or "punish me" in front of them, by sending me to the other room or just taking me to the other room to beat me up and make me stay in there until I could clean myself up and calm down, he would say. He flirted with the other girls and treated them better than me, I wasn't even noticed. Now he is locked up and will be for 2 years. I have been giving him money on his books and writing him, I do anything he asks me too. He has me go pay off all these things that have nothing to do with me. Its funny, but confusing that his attitude has changed completly. He always tells me sorry and how pretty I am, and how much he loves me and how he couldn't do it without me. He says that it was the drugs that made him act that way and that he will never touch me again in that way. This is his second strike, when he gets out if he gets in trouble again and gets locked up, he won't get out. He says he wants to stay away from the drugs and work a legal job and be a good person. I know that this is called jail talk, but I want to have faith in him. He has been really religious ever since he's been locked up which is the complete opposite he was before. I haven't been perfect since he's been gone, but I don't feel bad, in a way it feels good that the shoes on the other foot and he needs me and wants me, instead of it being me that wants him. I am much younger than him, I am 19 and he is 38. But I am in love with him even though he was so horrible to me. I don't want to let go of him, even though I know I should. I am all ALONE!
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