Feeling Alone Community Group
A place where when you feel alone, you can retreat and perhaps find someone else who is feeling those same feelings, finding solitude and compassion.
I have been in a pretty crazy relationship for the last two years. My boyfriend would pull me out of rooms by my hair, pull chunks of my hair out, pour beer on me, kick me, hit me, and constantly put me down. I lived with him and even though he did all that to me, I never wanted to leave. He was selling drugs at the time, so he constantly had people at his house. He never made anyone leave, sometimes they would stay for days at a time (they wouldn't even take a shower). When other girls came over he would let them stay as long as they wanted and he would put me down in front of them or "punish me" in front of them, by sending me to the other room or just taking me to the other room to beat me up and make me stay in there until I could clean myself up and calm down, he would say. He flirted with the other girls and treated them better than me, I wasn't even noticed. Now he is locked up and will be for 2 years. I have been giving him money on his books and writing him, I do anything he asks me too. He has me go pay off all these things that have nothing to do with me. Its funny, but confusing that his attitude has changed completly. He always tells me sorry and how pretty I am, and how much he loves me and how he couldn't do it without me. He says that it was the drugs that made him act that way and that he will never touch me again in that way. This is his second strike, when he gets out if he gets in trouble again and gets locked up, he won't get out. He says he wants to stay away from the drugs and work a legal job and be a good person. I know that this is called jail talk, but I want to have faith in him. He has been really religious ever since he's been locked up which is the complete opposite he was before. I haven't been perfect since he's been gone, but I don't feel bad, in a way it feels good that the shoes on the other foot and he needs me and wants me, instead of it being me that wants him. I am much younger than him, I am 19 and he is 38. But I am in love with him even though he was so horrible to me. I don't want to let go of him, even though I know I should. I am all ALONE!
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I gave my 2 week notice last Friday 13th. Now to join you fine people in a life of leisure and nothing else to do but to look out for myself....is it just me or does that sound pretty boring? My goal was to live to retire and I guess having to take early retirement because of health reasons wasn't exactly the way I had planned things. I just can't stay in that building that is reeking mildew...
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I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...
I can relate to this. I am fighting to get out of a similar relationship. Please understand that I had this same question. NO. He will not change until he realizes what he is doing is wrong. Mine refuses that there is an issue on his end. Therefore, I am wasting no more of my life living like this. It is a matter of realizing your OWN SELF WORTH!!! Your worth more than he is offering you. You know it.. I know it... God knows it.
Hope this helps and good luck to you in making the proper decisions as well as finding the strength to overcome.
MJx
i hate to be brutally honest, but it IS more than likely prison talk.
if he were on the streets tomorrow, do you think hed be much different?
probably not, hes telling you these things BECAUSE youre doing whatever he wants. he needs that $$ on his books and the female attention.
if they hit you once, theyll hit you again.. and again. there are so many guys out there who wont abuse you, but if this is the person you want to be with (not sure i advise it) then more power to you. i'm just telling you theres better men out there, you know? my friend has been down for 8 years and gets out in january, ive heard alot of horror stories about men playing women until they got out. unless you have total faith in this guy (it doesnt sound like you do) then you shouldnt even bother.
if you need anybody to talk to you arent alone girl, hit me up! :)