I don't know really how to start without going back to wear I was in my relationship with my husband back in I think year of 1999 or 2000. We were not yet engaged or married, but it all started on Christmas back at his sisters house with inlaws. I got my feelings hurt over something petty she said and did, and she got upset, I pouted most of the day. She never apologized. I did on our wedding day (back in 2001, so a year later). Before that I took Easter baskets to her kids to make it up to her in my way. I tried and my husband tried at first, then we didn't really talk with her or her family for a year or so. Well, since time has passed, his sister and I have become okay with each other really since I had my baby (he's over a year old now). She's helped us out with watching him, not asked for any money, only favors for her which is fine and we appreciate it. Just for info, his mom and dad have harped on all three of us about how things needed to be better between us and they were all upset over their son (my husband) and their daughter (his sister) no longer having a relationship at all...and of course, even though it was not verbally said, I feel they blame me for it. They have always been those parents that like to interfere trying to make things better, which they usually end up making things worse!

Well, in the past, I have had post pardum, problems getting along with his family (mostly mom in the last year or so). and I've stood up to her a few times..maybe not in the best way. But, sometimes my fuse is very short around his family because I feel like I need to defend myself, because he doesn't do it (only when I'm not around) so it's hard for me to even know or feel like he does. He just sits there usually when his mom makes a flippant comment, or his dad makes comments to me about personal things (like shopping...we are in debt and I sometimes shop too much out of stress relief). I saw a counselor about this and my easily angered temper this past year since I had the baby.

What I am asking is about what happened a week or so ago. His parents came down, to celebrate his birthday and see their grandson (my son) and his mom watched him a lot for us. Well, I had a good weekend, and day, then that evening they all wanted to go to dinner. They always want to go to one particular restaurant that I don't care for because they always mess up the order or food, and it's not good. So, I told my husband to suggest the other place. I had been out shopping looking for a dress for a party we will go to around Christmas. When I got home, his dad asked, "where's all your bags?"... I said, "they are in the car.."...he said, "you didn't need anything right, but you wanted to buy them?...and he sarcastically said it, as my husband would later tell me, he was joking. I didn't take it as a joke and it offended me very much. Then, his dad said, well, we wanted to go to bla bla restaurant, but my husband told him chilis so that's where we are going. He was acting annoyed and rude about it. I said, well, that's probably because of me, but I don't mind going to the other one because I can just get a simple salad etc. He was adamant and insisted, no we already made a decision and that's where we are going. Well, I got ready quickly, and was annoyed at him. We got to the restaurant, and his sister and her daughter made a comment they were not feeling well...a cold etc. My son has been off and on sick for 3 weeks...not sure if teething or what it is maybe weather change. Well, she said, I'll take him (because my son was acting up) and I said, no, I don't want him to get sick again if you aren't feeling well. Well, she rolled her eyes bigtime! Then, I said, I'm sorry I just don't want to get him sick again. She said, Hey, it's your son that got us sick (because she had watched him for us recently). I IMMEDIATELY got defensive, and said I don't think so and she said I do, and I said no he didn't, and she went back at me, and it was a bad argument at the table. I was rude but so was she...well, his dad said, girls lets not do this it doesn't matter who got him sick etc. There was silence at the table with us rest of the way eating, and I just left immediately after I finished to go home to put my son to bed. His parents got home, and I didn't speak to them. Well, they apparently (while I was upstairs avoiding them) grilled my husband and just said all kind of things like, we won't be back, we can't take this anymore, why did "she" being me, do that...not even admitting what his sister did was wrong. They always BLAME ME! He came up to our room, crying, asking why I did that,etc, making me feel bad, I ran downstairs yelling, how is this all my fault? Why am I always the villain and always wrong? How can you make your son cry like this? His mom said hey you did this etc. His dad defended the situation, saying, no you did the wrong thing. You shouldn't have blew up at his sister like that etc. I was so angry, I said, I'm through, just through with everything...and ran upstairs. (keep in mind my son is asleep 6 feet from my room upstairs)....my mother in law goes upstairs to talk to me. She tells me that she's never had anyone talk to her the way I have. Then she tells me I"m an "I" person, I'm selfish, I'm shallow, then kept yelling, saying "let me finish" when I tried to talk, and I said, "don't yell, my son's asleep...she said, oh, that's not what this is about, she said, don't tell me not to yell. What did I do to you? Why do you this? We are going to leave tonight walk out that door and never come back,....I said, "fine, that will be your decision"..she said, "no, you did this, this is your decision"..I said, you just gave your son a guilt trip...which she did, and that's what she always does to get her way!! Anyway, she said that I didn't give a new york minute about her and his dad...I said, if that is true, why was I trying to get you to spend time with me, go out to lunch etc or shop, and you never want to go? You just want to watch my son while I go out? I said, why am i wrong? Her daughter did things to, then somehow, it all got turned into about me and her..and I ended up with her saying, I had to drag the "im sorry" out of me, and we ended up somehow making up hugging, and she apologized for not wanting to spend time with me etc. She also said, she thought when they left I would call my mom and tell her how horrible they were...that I judged them and they didn't judge me. (I think that's partly true being I feel she's judging me, but I think she and his dad are because the house isn't always clean enough, garage is messy, etc, and they think being a housewife (taking care of our busy son, is a walk in the park while my husband works...etc). I also I think she was a little tipsy from wine that night (his mom always seems to be). Well, the next morning, I apologized to his dad, he never did to me.....he said, someone needs to make things better between us girls. Basically, he was saying I needed to apologize to his sister. That night, she had emailed us asking for some chairs we borrowed from her back. I brought them back, apologized to her to her face and said I appreciated all she did. And, that her dad upset me. Well, seemed things were fine.

HERE'S THE BIG QUESTION...I am suppose to go up to see his family (stay with them for days) with our son and my husband to see his mom. I can't seem to get past all the things she said to me. What do I do? Do I go, take a chance on being annoyed, or being fake, or write her a letter telling her how I feel? I am asking because if I call her she'll just get into tears or yell, or not let me say a word at all. I don't know what to do or how to make this better...my husband and I have a lot on us trying to sell our home for his job, which the market is not good. And, my son has been sick off and on, and we have some debt issues, and now his parents..well, he doesn't really want to talk to them or me about it, and says he's in the middle. I don't really agree though, because I think he should support me, although, I admit, I shouldn't have blew up in the restaurant, but I am just sick off their flippant and rude comments and I finally, finally stood up to his sister once...and it felt good! But, I didn't mean to upset everyone. Please help with any advice...
thanks.