Hey all,I'm new to the group,thank you for having me. As you can see by the discussion topic,I can't deal with my dad anymore and I don't know what else to do. Little background about me:in my 30s,lived in Texas until a year ago when I got a really bad bacterial infection in my kidneys and stomach,so I had to move back home to my parent's due to medical debt. I have no kids,but I have a dog whom I love more than almost anything in the world and he is dying from cancer of the spleen. I struggled with eating disorders for most of my adult life. I don't drink,but I'm a pill junkie. I'm hoping to go back to school soon to study forensic science. Above all of that,I am angry with my dad and I have let that fester for too long. I'm now seeing a psychiatrist,but something about being able to say all this without anyone actually looking at me is comforting.
When I was a kid,I got along wonderfully with my dad. He taught me about music,college football and helped me learn math. I went to college at his alma mater so I could make him proud. My parents were paying out of state tuition and it was stressful,but they made it work. However,in the spring of my freshman year,my brother was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor due to a degenerative neurological disease. I didn't want to put any more stress on them so I returned home to attend an instate university. After 2 years,I made the mistake of "taking a semester off"--for 9 years. I lived at home with my parents,Mom was a flight attendant,Dad is an independent contractor. Things were fine until I turned 21 and the conflicts with my dad began. Nothing big at first,just maybe conflicting personalities and his anger issues. Swearing at everything,throwing things,picking fights,all stuff I had been used to my whole life. Then one afternoon in November after a family vacation to Hawaii,he and I got into a spat over something trivial and he called me a fucking bitch to my face. "What did you say?" I asked. He moved directly into my face and shouted "You. Fucking. Bitch". I left to stay with a friend because I was so upset. I couldn't believe a father could say that to his own daughter. Shortly after that,I heard him yelling at my mom over the phone to get her worthless fucking kids and get out of his house. I prayed that their marriage was over. They went to counseling and reconciled. It was a temporary fix for my dad because he never thinks he is wrong. He doesn't apologize for his actions and every argument he has with anyone in the family is not his fault. He's in his own world and everyone else is supposed to be okay with his behavior. He trashes the house and never picks up after himself,leaves dishes in the sink for someone else to put in the dishwasher,puts his trash on the counter right above the can,has never once run a vacuum cleaner or put on a load of laundry. They have dachshunds who are pretty disobedient and poop in the house sometimes; I have watched him step over it so someone else has to pick it up. He's a hoarder and has bought so much crap that we can't use the basement,garage and 3 extra bedrooms. If,on the off chance he tries to find something by himself rather than scream at my mom,he leaves the mess he made for someone else to put away. He treats my mom like a maid and is so disrespectful to her,it makes me sick. He yells at the news on tv and says "suck a d***" or calls someone a c**t right in front of her and to him,his behavior is perfectly acceptable. Four weeks ago,we had an argument after he screamed "God d**n it,I was calling you and you didn't fu**ing hear me". I lost my mind and told him if he can't speak to me like a grown man,don't say anything at all. And he has not said a word to me since. My mom has told him to grow up and apologize,but he refuses and tells her what a bitch he thinks I am. I can't take it anymore. I know I have a moral obligation to love my father,but I simply don't like him. Mom has also told him he is wrecking his relationship with with his daughter (me),and he doesn't care. He won't change. I don't even think there's anything that can be done because something this broken cannot be fixed. He's going to end up old,angry and alone,but I think he's willing to accept that rather than say he's sorry for anything. I know the difference between forgiving someone or condoning their behavior,but I don't think I can do either one anymore. My mom has sat there hugging me while she's just bawling and says she's sorry for staying with him and putting up with his behavior. My mom is the most important person in my life. She's beautiful,kind,caring,supportive,soft spoken and more loving than anyone I have ever seen. She deserves to be happy and treated like a queen,not to spend her life cleaning up the wreckage my dad leaves.
I've asked God for a number of things in my life and He has blessed me with a lot of them. The only things I would ever ask of Him now is to please guide my mom to the life she deserves and help me not be like my dad.
Thank you for listening.