I could use some help. I am a very dangerous person to myself. When things are going really well in my life I have a need to be destructive to myself and my partner. I think it is because I feel like I don't deserve to be happy but would like to have more input about that. I also think it is because I want that other shoes to drop. All my life I have had that dam shoe hanging there. I am so tired of the drama and pain that this behavior brings. I just don't know how to change and stop. All my life I have this drama and kaos. If it was not with my parents and my brother growing up it was with my ex husband and his drugs and drinking. I have a chance to have a semi normal life here with this wonderful man and I keep causing problems and pushing him away. I just don't understand why
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