if your wife is hitting you also she should get some help. otherwise neither one will work out being abused.

I'm Mike's wife. We met each other 4 years and 4 months ago. He grew up in a violent and abusive family. He started to swear me from the beginning such as: stupid, crazy, I will fuck your mother...I think that are 15 swearing words but it's difficult to translate. We hit each other. In the last few months I didn't hit him anymore. He punched me over my ears and my head....just Saturday he did that. It's big fat lie this:" I usually hit in response to her hitting me". I usually hit in response to him swearing me like 100 times, after I'm crying and ask him not to swearing me. He consider that it's normal to swear me and I'm to sensitive towards his swearing.
I'm telling him all the time that is he a fake men. He is very abusive with me mentally. He drives me crazy with his words.

Mike's wife

I think it is a good thing that you have recognized this behavior, that's a good first step. I would read as many books as you can, reviewed or not, and most importantly get into either anger management, or couples therapy, or both right away. Remember, this is the woman you love, right? Would you allow another man to treat her this way? She shouldn't be abusive to you either, but it is never ok, under any circumstance, to hit a woman. I hope you and your wife can work it out, good luck to you both.

The fact is he doesn't recognize that he is a physical and mentally abusive man. He is the type of person who is a angel outside and demon in the family. If you see him you never believe that he can swear anybody in his life. He reproached me from the beginning that I'm taking advantage from his money etc. The strange thing is my family and his family are two medium family. I have 3 siblings with masters degree also he has one brother with bachelor degree. I'm landscape designer and he is a software guy. He is bringing more money in family than me, but I give a lot of love, energy, loyalism etc. I like to cook a lot and I'm cooking the food after his preferences. Is true that he is helping me with the cleaning the house, laundry etc. Two weeks is very nice with me and other two weeks is like the hell for me. he can be very nice and sweet guy but I think he is nice because he is doing a lot of bad things to me. I can't trust him anymore!!!He told me that his violence and abusive behavior is my fault. I know that I'm doing mistakes and sometimes I'm an week person. He wants me to be very strong all the time and in the case I'm a weak behavior or I'm crying he is starting to be nervous, to laugh, to swear.
Everything is facade.... He borrowed a book from the library about violence and he never open it.
Now I'm very very hurt and upset!Bye!

i'm not a professional but it is clear that this is a dangerously abusive relationship; textbook. i'd suggest that you both find counselors, and you enter therapy together as a couple too. domestic violence is taken very seriously in the u.s. level of education matters not concerning the heart and health of a partnership. you are abusing eachother; and for mnemonic to BLAME his wife for his behaviors is revolting...
please, for the health of the both of you seek out help...

He just told me "go to hell" because I wrote the true here.

For the Husband - you should never be abusive and hit anyone in your family, especially your wife.
For the Wife - You shouldn't have to take the hitting but should also avoid hitting back and then next time he hits you call the police and they will lock him up for physical battery charges and spousal abuse. This is not something that goes over in our country.
I'm sorry for both of you that you are in a relationship such as that and continuing on with it with such loyalty that the wife is still cooking meals for her husband after his preferences.

I got in heated arguments and my wife and I would both swear at each other but neither of us have layed a hand on each other and we are going to be going through a divorce here soon because we just can't seem to work anything out anymore. We have 2 kids in the relationship as well.

It's so difficult to leave when you love somebody very very much. We love each other but we have no respect for us or we don't know how to respect the partner. He did and doing an amazing stuff for me but also very bad things. I don't like to swear somebody or to swear in general. When I met my husband he used to ask me to teach him how to be good. After two years I started to be mean like him, to swear like him, to argue all the time from nothing. He is 28 and I am 32. Maybe I am too mature for him...who knows!!? Anyway I am very frustrated and hurt for what I become during this relationship. I never thought in my live that I will start to swear the person who I love very much. I asked him that is normal to argue but is not normal to talk with your wife in this way or to hit her. I never heard somebody talking in this way.

i don't wish to sound cliche but none of us can change anything we don't acknowledge -- nobody can say that you two don't belong together or should seperate but if there is no respect there can't be honest love (understand that is my opinion) - i realize there are culture differnces on this topic but at no time, in any situation, no matter what you do or don't do should you be called anything deragatory or should you withstand physical abuse. protect yourself, care enough about yourself to get help. everywhere there ususally exists a hotline (battered women's); they can help you. your husband, if he does love you, will enter treatment without a moments hesitation and begin to work on his own demonds...you can't fix him and he can't expect you too...that is his job, to FIX HIMSELF -- and for you, please start asking yourself WHY you choose to accept this treatment...
it isn't the purpose of this board for anyone to 'tell you what to do' but i do not take physical violence lightly, and you shouldn't either. it is NEVER okay, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER.

We are coming from the same country. My parents, both, hit me a lot when I was young. I never felt safe when I was a kid. My husband is doing the same thing with me in this relationship. I agree with you: respect=love. I was very strong 2 years and I didn't swear my husband. I started after 2 year when we came here. I thought if we'll be here alone for our relation will be much better. But no! He started much worse than in my country. He taught me how not to respect a partner. Can you imagine to hear 4 years: you are stupid woman, you are crazy, get out, fuck your mother and other 10 bad words. I'm not feel safe to born a child, I am not safe with nothing in this relation. I'm crying every two weeks or every month because is so mean with me. He doesn't care about my feelings, my tears, my brain, .....nothing.

i suggest finding help to leave him, for now and halt the abuse, and insist he gets help for his anger and abuse issues...if he does that, and you too get help maybe in a years time you two can come back together healthily, if you still wish too.

Thanks!

We are faithing over 1 week. He swear me today because I told him to be my side regarding his parents. We went this summer at home. My father in law was upset with me and he tried to talk with my husband about me. Instead of to be side, my husband decided to tell him and find excuses about me that I am from dysfunctional family. My husband never had the courage to tell him or to stand or to fight for me. His father was a man extremely violent with his mother from the beginning. I think my husband is a immature person, without a very strong personality and he is doing with me what he saw at his father behavior. Can be true?

Sure that can be very real and true but doesn't negate that fact that your situation is dangerous for the both of you and you both need serious professional help to protect eachother...reply #11 says everything that really can be said.