I am in a very screwed up relationship. From the moment we met, we connected, and next thing I was pregnant! My boyfriend who i was madly in love with was going thru his own personal demons... jail, alcoholism not to mention 3 other children from 3 other women, but he talked me into continuing the relationship for the child on the way. In the course of 9 months, he kicked me out on my butt 3 times, taking all the money out of my wallet, leaving me with nothing and taking my dog. I pawned everything i owned for gas money to get to my family (5 hours away). He spent all our money on booze, and the nights he would come home would call me every name in the book while i sat and cried. there was no food to eat in the house (i didnt gain any weight until my 7th month!!), no gas in the car... and i found that he was calling other women to go to the bar with him. every time i got back to my family and my support he'd call me telling me he'd made a mistake, and how much he loved me, and i ate it up hook line and sinker. the 3rd time he kicked me out I was gone 3 months.. I had my beautiful baby boy in december, and he called again to be a part of our lives. I have uprooted myself yet again and moved back to idaho to be with him and give him a chance with his 4th child. Every weekend, i have to be around his other kids' moms, and know that he was their for their pregnancies. I drove myself to the hospital, i had a stranger holding my hand during birth. I have never been so alone and will never be able to look upon my pregnancy in a good way. The only good thing about all of it was my baby. He's wonderful. My boyfriend told me that he put my thru all that because he was used to women treating him like shit, and every weekend i see those women who treated him so wrong, and they are horrible people. Rude, inconsiderate and bad mothers.. i hold my tongue and wonder what i did that was so wrong, i waited while he was in jail, i never asked him for money, i loved his other kid as my own. He was there for them to take away their pain, and i was alone. he now says he's working to prove to me that he loves me, but i can never look past what he put me thru. The biggest things in this world are the begginning and ending of life, and he let me down so horribly during the biggest thing i had ever gone thru. I have days where i want to move on, and try to make this work, and i have days where he should jump off a cliff. I try to talk to him about how broken i feel, and he gets angry, says that i am sabotaging us. how do i get over the pain and hurt? I wonder if he's worth loving..
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