I\'ve posted before about my mother and her \"craziness\". I\'ve finally spoken to her again after three months of silence. I feel very angry at myself for needing her in my life. But my therapist says I bonded with her as my attachment figure when I was a child. That bond is very strong, regardless of how she treats/treated me. I feel stupid for ever trusting her after the things she\'s done to me and my siblings. I feel angry at her for not taking responsibility for her actions. Most of all I\'m angry that I feel that I \"need\" her in my life. I\'m trying to make it a more superficial relationship, rather than talking to her every day like I used to before my father died and she made that terribly insensitive joke about it. But the truth is for some twisted reason, after all she\'s done to me, I do need her in my life - at least to a degree. I\'m just trying to make it less of an important relationship than it was before Dad died. I don\'t even know if I\'m making sense. I\'m so damn angry at her for what she did when I was a child. My husband doesn\'t understand me wanting a relationship with her or ever coming close to forgiving her. Turns out, (this came out through my therapy sessions), that my life was so unstable, abusive, and unpredictable as a child that I\'ve been stuffing my intense emotions down for 41 years!! And the only way to get past it is to experience those feelings now...little by little. And I gotta say, that\'s scares me to DEATH!! I think that\'s why I was in the mood I was in last Sunday. (The day after my therapy session.) Well, thanks for being hear to listen. As always, until next time...
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