I am so sorry to hear about your struggle with your mom. I feel that maybe you should talk to someone, a counselor at school perhaps. What she is doing is at least emotional abuse; certain fights are to be expected between mothers and daughters during the teenage years, but it sounds like you have a mess to deal with. Seek help, if nothing else you can learn it's not all your fault, you know? Keep strong, and please, get to a counselor to help defend against these feelings of pain and wanting to cut yourself, okay? Keep me posted, let me know how you're doing!
Lots of love
Mahadra

if there was ever anything you did that made her mistrust you then you need you need to show her that you can bve trusted i get her point a little bit there is alot of crime and abuse out there on the streets she is protecting you but you need to let her know you feel it is the wrong way and ask her if you can stay out till 7pm and let her know you will call her every hour to let her know you are okay and let her where you are and maybe she will agree with you do that and then let me know what she says

My mum and i used to be like that. May sound silly but an open line of communication is the key. If your mum is anything like mine used to be - communication is FRIGGEN hard, but you need to force it upon her. Back when we had such an uhealthy relationship, everytime i tried to tell her how i was feeling she would say i was just being dramatic, but one day i just let it all out. I was in hysterics, i told her how she made me feel like a worthless piece of shit, how i cut myself sometimes because at least that would take the pain away from how she made me feel, i told her that i needed her, and it was killing me knowing she didn't love me like she should. Anyway, we have a really great relationship now, it took alot of work to get her to start listening to me, and loosen her leash, but we needed to work together and find a compromise that worked for us. My mum is now my best friend in the world. She's amazing. Parent's sometimes dont' understand how words that they may think are nothing major, can really really hurt us, and taht we often concentrate on the negatives, so whilst my mum sometimes used to say nice things, i could never forget the hurtful things..and it was like the positives never came. She needs to understand that at this young age we are so tender, and we really strive for acceptance from our parents and need to feel they're proud of us.

I'd suggest writting your mum a letter, doesn't matter how long winded it is, doesn't need to be a work of art, just spill everything you're feeling onto the paper and keep writting till you have nothing more to say. Be careful though, i know your feeling hurt, but don't tell her you hate her or anything like that, don't just spill words of anger because anger doesn't get us anywhere. Dig deeper, and speak your emotions, your hurt. Remember that in this life, family is the most precious gift we are given, if we turn our backs on them, we have nothing. Your mum needs your help to get through this problem with you, i'm sure she wants nothing more than to have a healthy relationship with you and though it will take work, it will make your life soooo much better knowing your mum is always there for you.

I hope something i said might help you and your mum a little bit?

Love and best. xox

ps - in your letter you might want to suggest that if you both don't feel you can work this out together, maybe you should attend councelling sessions together? Psychologists etc sometimes can be the most amazing tool for healing as they are emotionally removed from the situation and can therefore shine realistic light on the situation, because our judgements are often clouded by emotions. Anyway, good luck again xx

hey thanks guys for ya advice i've talked ta the school counselor bt she didnt reali help the the letter thing my mum wont waste her time reading it either if shes at home shes working duin somethin to keep herself ocupid or then she's at work and the mistrust i was late from the school gate by 5 minutes cause i had to go to my locker but i dont think that probably made this worse bt thanks so much xox

Hey Sandii, I'm so sorry to hear about the problems you're having. I hope you find the strength to work through it - you deserve to be happy!! When I was a teenager, my mum was EXACTLY like yours by the sounds of things (and she was the same to my brothers). I tried to get the lines of communication open and use the school counsellor, and it didn't work much for me.... but keep trying!

Do you have any close friends that you can talk to about the problem - on an ongoing basis? Have you tried writing it all down in a journal on a regular basis? I know this doesn't change the way your mum reacts, but getting it out and off your chest can really make a difference.

Think of it this way - you only have a couple more years at school. Can you tough it out until you leave home? Sometimes, when things got really bad for me, the knowledge that in less than a year or two I would out of my so-called "home" was a real comfort.

Stay strong, kia kaha as we say in NZ. :)

A word of caution: spilling your guts to someone about all the negative they bring to your life or the distress they cause can have a reverse effect (reply #3). My wife and I sat down with my mother one night to discuss her hurtful treatment towards us and her constant selfishness and lack of consideration of us and our feelings. She seemed to handle it well, but later, my mom told my other siblings we verbally attacked her, and we basically haven't spoken a word in 3 years. In retrospect though...we would have done the same thing over again. We knew the content of what we had to tell her was maybe embaressing or hurtful words to hear, so we approached every item in a delicate manner. There was no yelling, we were as sensitive as we could be....and it still backfired. Good luck with whatever you choose.

i think im just guna ride this out and wait til the day i get married and al that shit cause til then im guna feel like i betrayd her by talkin on this