Family Issues Support Group

Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.

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MIL and Christmas

deleted_user
deleted_user
At the beginning of October I emailed my family members to ask if they'd like to go in on an expensive gift for my husband. One or two replied and said sure. My MIL did not reply. I called her more recently and asked her if she'd like to help, she says "Yeah that's what we were planning on doing." Then I email her and ask her how much she's able to give. She says "Let me know when you get it and if you're satisfied and I'll send a check." That isn't an answer. So I write back and say I just need an amount so I can plan more efficiently, she writes back the exact same thing as last time. Then I again ask for a specific amount and let her know she doesn't have to give me the money right away if that is the issue. She doesn't reply for weeks, last night she emailed back and said "Sorry we won't be able to help because our gifts have already been decided on."

WHAT!?!?! I am so frustrated. I'd like to say something about her LYING to me but will that rock the boat? She was under no obligation to help but her own word of saying yes.

Help...
deleted_user
deleted_user
what ever you do... DON'T say anything at all about it... she is baiting you.. take the high road on this one!!!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Have you had any problems with the MIL in the past? Is that just her personality to be inconsiderate and not reliable or do you think she is pissed about something? Either way, that was very inconsiderate on her part to leave you hanging. I guess having issues with my own mil is that sometimes I have to pick my battles. If this is the way she is then I would just let it go and chalk it up. If this is a first experience of rudeness from her - definately - call her on it - but be nice. If you live nearby, bring over some cookies to her house, alone, and just be nice to her and have a chat about what happened. If you don't live near her - maybe a phone call. Just not email. Its too impersonal. If she gets nasty then your husband will need to have a chat with mommy. Hopefully you were still able to get that gift for him.
deleted_user
deleted_user
What is the high end gift?
deleted_user
deleted_user
its a musical gift. i bought it! he is totally going to love it and i know he will appreciate those people who helped get him the gift. I'm not always into group gifts but this one will work because we will all get credit and it won't just be from me. For me this will show that the family cares about his passions.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Hi, in my experience I know you love your husband and just wanted to give him a special gift for Xmas and what better way to do that then to give him one that was from most of his relatives. That is awesome.

But, I'm not sure, because I'm not a mother in-law yet, but I don't know if I would want my daughter in-law initiating this idea of a big family gift and as his mother going along with it. It seems a little controlling and I'm not sure but are you giving everyone a say in what it is you are purchasing. I know you mean well, but I would not want to participate in this, unless it was something he always wanted, and then I would probably participate.

Sorry, your MIL probably felt this way and didn't want to say no at first, cause they want to be included in this at some level, but then just can't commit because they don't know what it is.

Hope that makes sense.
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