Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
http://dailystrength.org/c/Family_Issues/forum/3426777-issues
my mother still doesnt date. She doesnt really have any friends, and has made enemies with most of the family. other then me, and her sister. I hate that, because Im almost exactly the same way.
We still live in Florida. she found another job after being fired. I still work at the same company. 2 years, 2 months now. I still dont have a vehicle. Ive been looking since age 19 and still dont have one. I cant even explain it. Its just a mistake. I dont know if Ive always been like this, but I just cant make decisions. Its like if I tell someone that Ill do anything they want, they always decide on doing something that benefits them, instead of us; together. Thats always been the way my life is, I just cant find people who dont take advantage of me. It sucks too, because I cant do it alone.
Im still wanting to move out, though I still dont know anyone. Ive narrowed my options this time (2009) to either military service, or obtaining a CDL and driving trucks. Ive been driving 2 years now, without any accidents, missed payments, or even being stopped at all. Ive been working two years. With the economy the way it is, both of these jobs will give me enough to buy a small 1 bedroom house out right with cash, and give me medical benefits. Its the best I can do.
Im still worried about my mother. She used her unemployment close to the last 2 weeks. I dont know how she did it, but I was ready to just walk away homeless. she always does stuff liek that. she just doesnt prepare. I want to move back to the North. probably IN. or PA. Her sister lives in IN. and I kind of want her to be closer to her sister, to make leaving easier. I figure Ill just have to leave one day without notice. Ive tried leaving before. things happen, like she has no money. She cant put a down payment on another appartment, she cant buy food. So I help, and then Im half funds, and Its to risky to leave, so I stay. Only contracts for appartments here are for 1 year. they wont even do 6 months... anywhere! Thats why in June when my lease ends. Im leaving.
I worry shell be homeless, or shell be suicidal.
my mother still doesnt date. She doesnt really have any friends, and has made enemies with most of the family. other then me, and her sister. I hate that, because Im almost exactly the same way.
We still live in Florida. she found another job after being fired. I still work at the same company. 2 years, 2 months now. I still dont have a vehicle. Ive been looking since age 19 and still dont have one. I cant even explain it. Its just a mistake. I dont know if Ive always been like this, but I just cant make decisions. Its like if I tell someone that Ill do anything they want, they always decide on doing something that benefits them, instead of us; together. Thats always been the way my life is, I just cant find people who dont take advantage of me. It sucks too, because I cant do it alone.
Im still wanting to move out, though I still dont know anyone. Ive narrowed my options this time (2009) to either military service, or obtaining a CDL and driving trucks. Ive been driving 2 years now, without any accidents, missed payments, or even being stopped at all. Ive been working two years. With the economy the way it is, both of these jobs will give me enough to buy a small 1 bedroom house out right with cash, and give me medical benefits. Its the best I can do.
Im still worried about my mother. She used her unemployment close to the last 2 weeks. I dont know how she did it, but I was ready to just walk away homeless. she always does stuff liek that. she just doesnt prepare. I want to move back to the North. probably IN. or PA. Her sister lives in IN. and I kind of want her to be closer to her sister, to make leaving easier. I figure Ill just have to leave one day without notice. Ive tried leaving before. things happen, like she has no money. She cant put a down payment on another appartment, she cant buy food. So I help, and then Im half funds, and Its to risky to leave, so I stay. Only contracts for appartments here are for 1 year. they wont even do 6 months... anywhere! Thats why in June when my lease ends. Im leaving.
I worry shell be homeless, or shell be suicidal.
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I gave my 2 week notice last Friday 13th. Now to join you fine people in a life of leisure and nothing else to do but to look out for myself....is it just me or does that sound pretty boring? My goal was to live to retire and I guess having to take early retirement because of health reasons wasn't exactly the way I had planned things. I just can't stay in that building that is reeking mildew...
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I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...
Have you ever heard of al-anon? Usually to qualify one should know of someone who is or has been in your past drinking or druging.
I think a program like this will help you tremendously. It will help you learn to take care of you and you alone. You will always love your mother but you can`t control what she does so you have to learn to detatch yourself from her actions.
Perhaps you need a plan of action, either start goin to therapy or trying al-anon before you make the big break.
But, Remember this... We are NOT victims, we all volunteer. Your mother has serious problems and she is going to have to get resourceful and get her crap together or she will be out on the street.
Perhaps that will be her "bottom" and she will learn what she is doing is not working. She has to pay the consequences otherwise she will not change. You need to get out of the caretaker role and let her fall. Move away and start living your own life. It is isn't fair to either yourself or to your mother.
Good Luck
May I suggest that you get a plan of action together without telling her or anyone else who may tell her. When the time arrives, you can tell her you love her and always will but her continuous poor choices are what is bringing her down - and bringing you down as well. For your own sanity you are choosing to move out on your own. Tell her you need some time alone and that when you feel it is right you will contact her. Then ignore any dramatics she may employ to manipulate you and just leave.
As for the military, I have been in the military and it may be a good choice for you. However, it comes with it's own set of expectations. You are serving the country and so your life is largely dictated by the needs of the military - you have little choice as to your job, your assignment, even your time off. On the other hand it can be a relief to have all your decisions made for you while you pull yourself together. I was in the Air Force and I chose that branch after a great deal of research. I joined because I could not finish paying my way through college and they offered an education - a wonderful benefit. I met a lot of women who joined up to get away from their home circumstances. It was a wonderfully positive experience for me and I am a better person today for having served.
One last word on the military - they make it easy for you to have a dependent (mother, father, child, spouse) and if your mother knows this she could plague you with requests to be taken in and cared for. I've seen that situation turn into misery for several people. There is no easy way to treat a manipulative mother except to force her through tough love to grow up and earn respect for herself. Good luck and I'll be praying for you!