Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
Last spring I married the love of my life. He was from FL and I was from MA - we met online. In January I had moved to be with him(away from my family, friends, and childhood home). Thus, everyone in my life hates him. My husband does not and cannot work - he has serious health issues that leave him pretty much disabled, but he doesn't get SSI benefits. He's been fighting for them, but so far, no luck.
His mother and grandmother run his life and are very possessive of my husband, going so far to tell me that they love him more than I do. They pay for his medication and treatments (when they aren't spending it on trips to Vegas, Hawaii or strange knicknacks or hobbies. Note: I don't blame them for that since its their life - but they would rather go to Hawaii then pay for my husband(their son/grandson) to go to the chiropractor so he's constantly starting then stopping treatment when they blow the money elsewhere.)
After a few months, I was worn out - I hadn't been able to find a new job, there were piles of debt and the only reason we weren't homeless is because his grandmother gave us her house to live in (she hasn't lived there for 10 years. The woman lies to the government and her insurance company about this so that she gets more money every month and gets my husband's brother a deal on his car insurance). My husband and I were fighting a lot and I didn't really understand his illness. I am 22 and I didn't understand that when he said he couldn't do something, he REALLY couldn't do it....and I am ashamed of that. I didn't understand the weight of his health and I cracked.
I ended up returning to my family to regroup my thoughts and rebuild some sort of financial credit. This was done with the understanding of my husband, and so I thought, his family. I felt like a total failure because I was unable to provide for my husband and myself, like a leach for not being able to contribute to his medical bills or even sometimes pay our electricity bill. I knew that MA would help me regain my self confidence, and so did my husband. We were told that when we were back together they would help us again - i.e. let us live in the house again. We were told it was ours and his grandmother looked me in the eye and said when I came back we could live there again, no problem.
Besides the physical distance, we were never separated. I was more of an arrangement because I could get a job back North and we needed the money. We still fought a bit, but over stupid things. We missed each other and talked everyday for hours.
Now, my husband is worse off than ever and my in-laws have decided that I am not good enough for him because I "ran out on him" and that his recent crop of health concerns are my fault because I "broke his heart". They basically listened at the door and heard us fighting and decided that I was never coming back. His grandmother said that she would never have made a promise to such a girl as me and that it is her house and I'm not welcome. I understand that it is her house, but this......
They no longer will help us, using God's will as an excuse, as well as telling me that I'm not wanted and that they are going to keep me away from him because its best for him. They say that if God wants us to be together He will find us a way without them. He is MY husband, but because they pay for his medical bills, they have the power over him. Right now, I cannot afford rent and had stupidly based plans for the future on these people at my husband's urging that they were decent and loved us both. Now he can't even stick up for me when they call me a tramp or a runabout because they threaten to stop his medical treatment. His grandmother is comparing me to her when she was married saying things like "Nothing could have ever separated me from My husband" and "I would NEVER have acted like that to my husband" etc. Basically she told me that she was better than me on all counts regarding marriage and that her grandson deserves better, but since no other girl will probably have him (b/c of his health, and b/c he's married to me) she can keep me from him.
We are both heartbroken that we needed to spend time apart in order to realize how to work together. But, it was for the best because now our marriage is stronger than ever and I actually understand his health concerns and how things will have to be. He fights with them everyday, but I don't see the point to that. Even if his grandmother called me tomorrow and said "Come back and live in my house" how could I possibly do that after everything she has said and done? I can't bring him to me because I can't afford to pay his bills and he is unwilling to turn his back on his family, insisting that one day we will all be a big happy family.
His family has serious problems keeping their noses out of our lives, marriage and problems - and I'm getting sick of it. When we lived in his grandmother's house, they would come over ALL THE TIME - even in the middle of the night and check up on my housekeeping, Shawn's medication supplies, the food I was buying, how I was cooking or doing laundry, etc. They insist that because he is their son/grandson they have a right to know EVERYTHING about his life. And my husband can't really do much to stop them without them threatening him. This whole mess has him so upset, on TOP of his health problems (he recently found out he could end up paralyzed). This roadblock to keep us apart is just the latest thing.
I'm starting to really hate my in-laws and that makes me feel sick and it upsets my husband, but I can't help it. I know this is a long and confusing mess, but I hope maybe you can make some sense out of it and give me some advice. I just don't know what to do anymore....I miss my husband and want to be home with him, but where is home supposed to be?
His mother and grandmother run his life and are very possessive of my husband, going so far to tell me that they love him more than I do. They pay for his medication and treatments (when they aren't spending it on trips to Vegas, Hawaii or strange knicknacks or hobbies. Note: I don't blame them for that since its their life - but they would rather go to Hawaii then pay for my husband(their son/grandson) to go to the chiropractor so he's constantly starting then stopping treatment when they blow the money elsewhere.)
After a few months, I was worn out - I hadn't been able to find a new job, there were piles of debt and the only reason we weren't homeless is because his grandmother gave us her house to live in (she hasn't lived there for 10 years. The woman lies to the government and her insurance company about this so that she gets more money every month and gets my husband's brother a deal on his car insurance). My husband and I were fighting a lot and I didn't really understand his illness. I am 22 and I didn't understand that when he said he couldn't do something, he REALLY couldn't do it....and I am ashamed of that. I didn't understand the weight of his health and I cracked.
I ended up returning to my family to regroup my thoughts and rebuild some sort of financial credit. This was done with the understanding of my husband, and so I thought, his family. I felt like a total failure because I was unable to provide for my husband and myself, like a leach for not being able to contribute to his medical bills or even sometimes pay our electricity bill. I knew that MA would help me regain my self confidence, and so did my husband. We were told that when we were back together they would help us again - i.e. let us live in the house again. We were told it was ours and his grandmother looked me in the eye and said when I came back we could live there again, no problem.
Besides the physical distance, we were never separated. I was more of an arrangement because I could get a job back North and we needed the money. We still fought a bit, but over stupid things. We missed each other and talked everyday for hours.
Now, my husband is worse off than ever and my in-laws have decided that I am not good enough for him because I "ran out on him" and that his recent crop of health concerns are my fault because I "broke his heart". They basically listened at the door and heard us fighting and decided that I was never coming back. His grandmother said that she would never have made a promise to such a girl as me and that it is her house and I'm not welcome. I understand that it is her house, but this......
They no longer will help us, using God's will as an excuse, as well as telling me that I'm not wanted and that they are going to keep me away from him because its best for him. They say that if God wants us to be together He will find us a way without them. He is MY husband, but because they pay for his medical bills, they have the power over him. Right now, I cannot afford rent and had stupidly based plans for the future on these people at my husband's urging that they were decent and loved us both. Now he can't even stick up for me when they call me a tramp or a runabout because they threaten to stop his medical treatment. His grandmother is comparing me to her when she was married saying things like "Nothing could have ever separated me from My husband" and "I would NEVER have acted like that to my husband" etc. Basically she told me that she was better than me on all counts regarding marriage and that her grandson deserves better, but since no other girl will probably have him (b/c of his health, and b/c he's married to me) she can keep me from him.
We are both heartbroken that we needed to spend time apart in order to realize how to work together. But, it was for the best because now our marriage is stronger than ever and I actually understand his health concerns and how things will have to be. He fights with them everyday, but I don't see the point to that. Even if his grandmother called me tomorrow and said "Come back and live in my house" how could I possibly do that after everything she has said and done? I can't bring him to me because I can't afford to pay his bills and he is unwilling to turn his back on his family, insisting that one day we will all be a big happy family.
His family has serious problems keeping their noses out of our lives, marriage and problems - and I'm getting sick of it. When we lived in his grandmother's house, they would come over ALL THE TIME - even in the middle of the night and check up on my housekeeping, Shawn's medication supplies, the food I was buying, how I was cooking or doing laundry, etc. They insist that because he is their son/grandson they have a right to know EVERYTHING about his life. And my husband can't really do much to stop them without them threatening him. This whole mess has him so upset, on TOP of his health problems (he recently found out he could end up paralyzed). This roadblock to keep us apart is just the latest thing.
I'm starting to really hate my in-laws and that makes me feel sick and it upsets my husband, but I can't help it. I know this is a long and confusing mess, but I hope maybe you can make some sense out of it and give me some advice. I just don't know what to do anymore....I miss my husband and want to be home with him, but where is home supposed to be?
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
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I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...
I know you are married to this man. But, unless you are willing to support him for the rest of his life and he can come and live away from his family, you should cut your losses and try to find someone that is more suitable for you. Be thankful, there are no children involved here yet. Then you would never get out.
Have fun, experience what life is all about. If you stay, I don't see his family getting better and in the long run, you will be miserable. You already are.