After posting I have no doubt of the hate and contempt for me.
However before you unleash on me, I am suffering terribly for my choices. I deserve all I get. I have been wrong. There are no words to express the grief, the self-loathing, and more.
My husband was and has been emotionally and mentally abusive. About ten years ago I met someone else through a series of coincidences. For ten years we were together illcitly. Neither one of us had separated or divorced. He because of his faith, me because of my own fears. No excuses, there are none.
A few days ago I got an email from a woman, from his email. She claimed that she'd been living a double life with him for 22 years. Apparently the wife found out. All heck was breaking loose. The mistress for lack of a better word contacted me to say that she found my email on his list, and that he told both of them about me. Furthermore she told me that he had said I was, "an easy mark.", and sick and crazy. I was pretty shocked. I did not respond to the email and another was subsequently sent saying if I did not call the wife and "confess all" they would call my husband. Given his abusive nature they might as well shoot me. I again ignored the email. At this point what did I have to lose, so I told my husband that I was being accused of this. We sat down for hours as I went over the emotional and mental torment that had pushed me to this point. I told him he's welcome to divorce, but I could not live this way any more. He has agreed to therapy as have I, but the grief is real. The self loathing even more real. I loved this man for ten years. I have to get tested as well, as does my husband. I have no idea what this man may be carrying, and he has put my health at risk. Not only has he had this 22 year fling, he has had multiple women throughout the years. So I well may be sick with something. Have I been punished enough, hardly...I deserve it.
Now a few odd things here...this is a man who specializes in cyber security. He works in a top level position for the government through IBM. For the life of me I can't imagine him beling this careless with his private emails. He was always big on encription. The mistress gave me a number to call her. I had a few friends check, it's not a normal number, but a robot number. When I checked with various sources her name is not the name on the phone. She identified herself as Renee, but that was not the number on the phone. She said she was on the phone with his wife confessing all, and gave me the wife's number. Obviously I did not call, and again that number was checked, and went nowhere. In retrospect I'm beginning to suspect he may have written the emails himself. Completely bizarre situation. I don't know what to think.
I have blocked all emails and changed my phone numbers. I have written to say that I am not going to get dragged in any further, and any more emails will be sent to an attorney for harrassment charges. I know where he works and teaches, and if need be I will go to both places. My life may be destroyed but he will go down with me if need be.
Do I want some sympathy, would be nice, but I don't expect it. Consequences for my own bad choices.
Hello All, just checking in hope all is well if everyone and feeling the light and the love. If I sound to cliche and sunshiny the dosage on meds were increased (lol) was sinking pretty fast into that oh so familiar dark place. However, I am so glad it's lifted me up! So today I will walk in light and love to the best of the capability I have now. So much going on, with the whole country unglued...
I’m really sad today. I finally managed to talk to my psych dr on Tuesday. A lot of good that did. She was over an hr late, and so rushed I felt like I didn’t get a chance to address anything with her. And she wants me to stop two of my meds cold turkey. And I’m on an antidepressant, and I don’t think that’s a good idea. So I’m weaning myself off of that one. Or trying to. I’m not...