Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
I have been married to my husband 2 1/2 years but before we got married we had an on again off again relationship that started in 2000. When we first met things were good. He was sweet and romantic. After about 5 months we moved in together. Now I was married before when I was 19. I also had a child in that marriage but left my first husband when he became physically abusive.
After moving in with my now husband in 2000 things were good. He was helping me raise my 4 year old son and we were like a family. Or so I thought. After about 6 months he told me that when we first started dating he was trying to decide between me and another girl. How nice. Well it didn't end there. His "Best Friend" was a girl and she seemed to have a thing for him and she admittedly would do anything to break us up. Well he was not interested in her but when she found out that he was interested in someone else and started dating her she felt compelled to call me and tell me. I knew something was up before she called me because there were nights when he wouldn't come home. He was a heavy drinker so he would use the excuse that he had to much to drink and didn't want to drive.
Well needless to say after I got the call I confronted him and told him he had to pick. He said he would do no such thing. So I said I would pick for him. I packed everything I had in our apartment and left that night.
The girl he was seeing was an even bigger alcoholic than he was and well at that point I figured they deserved eachother. Only he wouldn't leave me alone. Whenever they had a fight (and that was often) he would call. Meanwhile I was busy putting my life back together. I was staying with my parents for a while until I got back on my feet but after about 4 months I was secure again and my son and I moved into our own place. I started dating again and all was good. Then one night I got a call saying she was in jail and that he was hurt because she was drunk and assaulted him. Well I went to help his grandmother clean up and he said he was going to have nothing to do with her again if we could just have another shot. I told him I would help him through that time and we would see what happened. Things were good for awhile but then I ended up pregnant. Birth control, anti-biotics and a few martinis. Well he freaked out. He made me take 6 different tests. Then a week later I called his house and she answered the phone. She said she was back in his life and I told her well I was pregnant. For the next few weeks I went on about my life but at my first OB appointment found out I was having twins. So I called to let him know, he thought I was kidding. What sort of joke would that be? Well I went on about my life preparing for two babies, working two jobs to put away money for when I was on maternity leave. Then one day I get a call from his asking if it was true that I was having twins. I said he could come to my next OB appointment and see for himself. Well needless to say he saw them, heard them and cried for 30 minutes. I then told him to leave me and my babies alone as long as he was going to be with the crazy girl. Of course he didn't listen so I had to have his numbers blocked from calling my house. Long story short he wanted to learn how to take care of them so he asked me to sign up for newborn classes. So I did, he got into a fight with her and ditched me for the class. I went into labor 6 weeks early and left messages for his mom and grandma. He missed their birth and showed up 2 days later because that was as soon as he could get away from her without having to tell her where he was going. She knew I was pregnant but had no idea about it being twins.
He was so happy, proud and disstressed all at the same time. He wanted to be with the twins but didn't have the courage to do what needed to be done. Well 2 days later they got into another fight, she beat the hell out of him and supposedly it was over. He wanted to be a dad.
Well when he didn't get the response he wanted from me about being a family he flew to Vegas, bought her a ticket while he was there and married her. All only 2 weeks after the twins got out of the NICU. Now she went home to Sacramento and he came home to Monterey. They never lived together and honestly I didn't know he married her until much later. I went on about my life raising my children. He would visit several times a week and after their first birthday he would take one out for the afternoon on Saturdays. He once again became sweet and loving. He wanted to be a family. I on the other hand was not ready for that. So her persued and persued. About 6 months after the twins 1st birthday, he came by for a visit. After they played we put them down for a nap and I decided to talk to him about giving it one more try. He was happy but sad at the same time. That is when he told me about the marriage. He immediately filed for divorce which she happily signed.
Well there was more to the story as I found out later. Not only was he married but since she was not here he also had a friends with benefits situation too. He put an end to it all and swore that there would be no more. Honestly, there hasn't but the alchol was a problem and it lead to a drug problem. The drug problem almost claimed the life of our daughter when she found his drugs and thought it was candy. I got to her before she ate anything but it scared him sober.
He is now drug and alcohol free but now is a shopaholic.
He has never treated me as though I was his first choice for anything. He ignores me at home, never wants to talk about our relationship which is almost non-existant. Everything is my fault no matter what it is. I am so un-happy but yet when I try to talk to him he gets angry and defensive and tells me that it is all in my head.
It took me a long time to give him any trust and to be honest I find myself not caring so much anymore. I have honeslty felt for the past year and a half that the only reason he is here is because he figures that is the only way he can be with his kids. He will never admit to that though. I know I deserve so much more. Is it wrong for me to want to be loved? He always tells me that we are married and have 3 kids there is no time for romance and the stuff that people without kids do. When we do have sex he doesn't try to get anything in the mood. It is just you want to fool around? Wow what a turn on. It lasts all of 5 to 8 minutes then he runs off to the shower to scrub and then off to bed and is a sleep before his head hits the pillow.
This is no way to live life I know but what do I do?
After moving in with my now husband in 2000 things were good. He was helping me raise my 4 year old son and we were like a family. Or so I thought. After about 6 months he told me that when we first started dating he was trying to decide between me and another girl. How nice. Well it didn't end there. His "Best Friend" was a girl and she seemed to have a thing for him and she admittedly would do anything to break us up. Well he was not interested in her but when she found out that he was interested in someone else and started dating her she felt compelled to call me and tell me. I knew something was up before she called me because there were nights when he wouldn't come home. He was a heavy drinker so he would use the excuse that he had to much to drink and didn't want to drive.
Well needless to say after I got the call I confronted him and told him he had to pick. He said he would do no such thing. So I said I would pick for him. I packed everything I had in our apartment and left that night.
The girl he was seeing was an even bigger alcoholic than he was and well at that point I figured they deserved eachother. Only he wouldn't leave me alone. Whenever they had a fight (and that was often) he would call. Meanwhile I was busy putting my life back together. I was staying with my parents for a while until I got back on my feet but after about 4 months I was secure again and my son and I moved into our own place. I started dating again and all was good. Then one night I got a call saying she was in jail and that he was hurt because she was drunk and assaulted him. Well I went to help his grandmother clean up and he said he was going to have nothing to do with her again if we could just have another shot. I told him I would help him through that time and we would see what happened. Things were good for awhile but then I ended up pregnant. Birth control, anti-biotics and a few martinis. Well he freaked out. He made me take 6 different tests. Then a week later I called his house and she answered the phone. She said she was back in his life and I told her well I was pregnant. For the next few weeks I went on about my life but at my first OB appointment found out I was having twins. So I called to let him know, he thought I was kidding. What sort of joke would that be? Well I went on about my life preparing for two babies, working two jobs to put away money for when I was on maternity leave. Then one day I get a call from his asking if it was true that I was having twins. I said he could come to my next OB appointment and see for himself. Well needless to say he saw them, heard them and cried for 30 minutes. I then told him to leave me and my babies alone as long as he was going to be with the crazy girl. Of course he didn't listen so I had to have his numbers blocked from calling my house. Long story short he wanted to learn how to take care of them so he asked me to sign up for newborn classes. So I did, he got into a fight with her and ditched me for the class. I went into labor 6 weeks early and left messages for his mom and grandma. He missed their birth and showed up 2 days later because that was as soon as he could get away from her without having to tell her where he was going. She knew I was pregnant but had no idea about it being twins.
He was so happy, proud and disstressed all at the same time. He wanted to be with the twins but didn't have the courage to do what needed to be done. Well 2 days later they got into another fight, she beat the hell out of him and supposedly it was over. He wanted to be a dad.
Well when he didn't get the response he wanted from me about being a family he flew to Vegas, bought her a ticket while he was there and married her. All only 2 weeks after the twins got out of the NICU. Now she went home to Sacramento and he came home to Monterey. They never lived together and honestly I didn't know he married her until much later. I went on about my life raising my children. He would visit several times a week and after their first birthday he would take one out for the afternoon on Saturdays. He once again became sweet and loving. He wanted to be a family. I on the other hand was not ready for that. So her persued and persued. About 6 months after the twins 1st birthday, he came by for a visit. After they played we put them down for a nap and I decided to talk to him about giving it one more try. He was happy but sad at the same time. That is when he told me about the marriage. He immediately filed for divorce which she happily signed.
Well there was more to the story as I found out later. Not only was he married but since she was not here he also had a friends with benefits situation too. He put an end to it all and swore that there would be no more. Honestly, there hasn't but the alchol was a problem and it lead to a drug problem. The drug problem almost claimed the life of our daughter when she found his drugs and thought it was candy. I got to her before she ate anything but it scared him sober.
He is now drug and alcohol free but now is a shopaholic.
He has never treated me as though I was his first choice for anything. He ignores me at home, never wants to talk about our relationship which is almost non-existant. Everything is my fault no matter what it is. I am so un-happy but yet when I try to talk to him he gets angry and defensive and tells me that it is all in my head.
It took me a long time to give him any trust and to be honest I find myself not caring so much anymore. I have honeslty felt for the past year and a half that the only reason he is here is because he figures that is the only way he can be with his kids. He will never admit to that though. I know I deserve so much more. Is it wrong for me to want to be loved? He always tells me that we are married and have 3 kids there is no time for romance and the stuff that people without kids do. When we do have sex he doesn't try to get anything in the mood. It is just you want to fool around? Wow what a turn on. It lasts all of 5 to 8 minutes then he runs off to the shower to scrub and then off to bed and is a sleep before his head hits the pillow.
This is no way to live life I know but what do I do?
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
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I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...
You need to find your own happiness and not depend on anyone else for it. You need to do it for yourself and for those lovely children of yours. It also sounds like you need to protect them from his distructive behaviour.
And you're right that is no way to live your life, you need to leave him behind for good. good luck with the situation and I hope that you find your answers.