Family Issues Support Group

Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.

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/ Family Issues Support Group

I FEEL SO DAMN GUILTY

deleted_user
deleted_user
ABOUT 9 YEARS AGO,I ENDED UP IN A BAD SITUATION,DEPRESSION,DRINKING AND ALL,SO I GAVE CUSTODY OF MY SON TO MY MOTHER,WHO BACK 3 YEARS AGO LOST CUSTODY AND HE WAS ADOPTED OUT BY THE STATE.WELL ABOUT A MONTH AND A HALF AGO,HE AND HIS WIFE OF ONE YEAR MOVED IN WITH MY HONEY AND ME.I THOUGHT THINGS WOULD BE OKAY,I WOULD HELP THEM GET IN COLLEGE,ON THEIR FEET AND ALL.WELL,I HAD HIS WIFE READY TO START SCHOOL,BUT NOW SHE WON'T GO.HE IS NOT MAKING AN EFFORT,THOUGH I TOLD HIM SCHOOL OR A JOB.NEITHER ONE WILL HELP ME IN THE HOUSE,ALL THEY DO IS COOK SOMETHING FOR THEMSELVES,THEN HOLE UP IN THEIR BEDROOM.MY HONEY WORKS 11 HOURS A DAY,AND STILL HELPS ME IN THE HOUSE WHEN HE CAN,BECAUSE I TAKE CARE OF THEM,HIM,THE HOUSE,THE MEALS,THE LAUNDRY,THE ANIMALS AND GO TO COLLEGE FUULL TIME,WORKING ON MY BACHEKLORS DEGREE.THEY HAVE A BENEFIT CHECK FROM THE MILITARY OF 700.00 A MONTH COMING IN,BUT NEVER OFFERED ME EVEN 100.00,THOUGH I WOULD NEVER HAVE ACCEPTED IT.SO,I FINALLY BLEW UP AND TOLD THEM THEY HAD TO HELP,SO THEY HOLED UP IN THEIR ROOM FOR THREE DAYS,COMING OUT ONLY TO MAKE SOMETHING TO EAT AND TAKING IT IN THEIR ROOM.SO I FINALLY TELL THEM THEY HAVE TO GO STAY WITH MY DAUGHTER IN LAWS FAMILY.I AM PREGNANT,HIGH RISK PREGNANCY AT THAT,I HAVE CANCER,WHICH NOTHING CAN BE DONE TIL I HAVE THE BABY.AND EVEN WHEN I TOLD THEM THEY HAVE TO GO OVER THERE,WHICH IS OUT OF STATE,THEY DO NOT CARE THAT THIS HAS HAPPENED.I FEEL GUILTY,BECAUSE I LOVE THEM SO MUCH,IT IS BREAKING MY HEART,BUT SOMETHING HAS TO MAKE THEM GROW UP.AM I WRONG FOR DOING THIS,OR WOULD YA ALL HAVE DONE THE SAME THING.
deleted_user
deleted_user
i still live with my parents (i'm 19) and even though i don't have a job (i'm still looking for one) i help out around the house when theya re at work.

do you think there wsa something from them wanting to go to college or getting a job? for most people if they can't find a job they just give up.

you didn't do nothing wrong. i think you did the right thing. my parents almost did the samething to my sister...

have you tried to call and see how they are doing?
deleted_user
deleted_user
The kids just left yesterday,and though I know what I did was absolutely the right thing to do,it breaks my heart.But I have to do what I believe is right for myself and them.My son needs the discipline that his mother in law will give him,because he just laughs off what I say.
They called me a little bit ago,things they had tied to the luggage rack came off,which is not good,but I tried to tell them to leave some things and let me ship it,they didn't.They wanted everything on one load.But I still feel bad about it all.I just talked to my daughter in law and I felt like crying.When they left,I didn't even make it in the house before I started crying.they had just pulled out when i started crying,but I feel better about it today.
LindaJean
LindaJean
Oh thank you so much for sharing this. I am dealing with something similar and I know how hard it is to establish boundaries with your children - somehow it feels like a huge loss I think. I know that I still think my son is my "baby" in some capacities even though he has a wife and 2 children of his own. I think kids sense that and work it - at least in my case. You had to do what you did - you had no choice both for your welfare and your son's. You'll be ok - the loss will heal and you'll probably be on better terms because of what you did. Trust yourself - you sound like you have good instincts.
deleted_user
deleted_user
You should be proud of yourself. Not for your past mistakes, but for what you have just done. I personally think what you did was wonderful. More people this day and time need to be showed some sort of "tuff love", and maybe they to would get off their sorry butts and do something with their lives. I had a cousin who for the longest time would do absolutely nothing but mooch off his parents, stay up all night and sleep all day. He was in his early 20's and had never had a job. His parents, my aunt and uncle, finally put a stop to it and made him do something or get out. He got a part-time job, went back to college, and now 5 years later, has a good education with an $83,000 a year job. Tuff love works. You are doing the right thing. God bless.
deleted_user
deleted_user
You are not responsible for the people they are. You are not capable of changing them. You have done the right thing for you, for right now. Maybe express that you miss them and you wish they could forgive you and see that you had to do what was best for them. What would set them on a path of independence. They might be thinking that your new baby is more important especially with the circumstances but you know better. I can see clearly that you love your new baby and them equally. It is uncomfortable sometimes to be a burden to someone and you just want to stay out of the way. It's also immature to not recognize your responsibilites to the person that is providing for you. I was in and out of several peoples homes as a teenager and in my early twenties. I could have cared less about the people, but as I grew older I felt terribly ashamed. If I only had someone to tell me that cleaning and pitching in was more important than all things I always wished I could do and never did because I couldn't, maybe I would be less guilty. A little guidance and a lot of reassurance sounds to me, to be, the answer, for now.
P.S. I really, really hope that your cancer diminishes. Good Luck.
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