Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
My father is an alcoholic. My brother and I are his only children and he has never been there for us, in any way. We used to visit every other weekend, and he was always drunk, I will leave out the
dramatics. But he has this way of twisting everything around so that im the one feeling guilty. There are always excuses, its always someone elses fault. I have had untreated clinical depression since
childhood. This year it became more severe, for weeks i spoke to no one, and for months I couldnt leave the house. During this time, my dad has offered me no emotional support. I am still fighting it,
though finally i have began treating it. I realize that I cannot change him, and that our relationship is damaging. By me staying in his life, not only do i hurt myself, but him as well, by staying im only adding to his warped way of thinking, im leading him to believe that it is
okay to be that selfish. I know I am the child, But the fact is someones gotta be the adult. I believe everything happens for a reason. I let this be a lesson to myself, of what i never want to be,
and of what to look for in a guy. Its made me cautious, its made me sad, angry and stressed. Its a hard thing, and its still happening. But it has made me aware, empathetic, insightful, compassionate, caring , but most importantly it has made me strong. The thing is, those
lessons are learned, and im still hanging around. There is no reason, what i want from him, im not going to get. Hes still my dad, and I still love him. But its bringing me down, and ive worked too hard to pick
myself up to let him or anyone else take advantage of me like that.
I was scared of confronting him at one point, because he made me feel so guilty, like i was the one in the wrong, But im not afraid of him anymore. That wont work on me anymore.
I need to let this go and move on, the hurt and buried anger...and in time my relationship with my dad. Im just not really sure how.
dramatics. But he has this way of twisting everything around so that im the one feeling guilty. There are always excuses, its always someone elses fault. I have had untreated clinical depression since
childhood. This year it became more severe, for weeks i spoke to no one, and for months I couldnt leave the house. During this time, my dad has offered me no emotional support. I am still fighting it,
though finally i have began treating it. I realize that I cannot change him, and that our relationship is damaging. By me staying in his life, not only do i hurt myself, but him as well, by staying im only adding to his warped way of thinking, im leading him to believe that it is
okay to be that selfish. I know I am the child, But the fact is someones gotta be the adult. I believe everything happens for a reason. I let this be a lesson to myself, of what i never want to be,
and of what to look for in a guy. Its made me cautious, its made me sad, angry and stressed. Its a hard thing, and its still happening. But it has made me aware, empathetic, insightful, compassionate, caring , but most importantly it has made me strong. The thing is, those
lessons are learned, and im still hanging around. There is no reason, what i want from him, im not going to get. Hes still my dad, and I still love him. But its bringing me down, and ive worked too hard to pick
myself up to let him or anyone else take advantage of me like that.
I was scared of confronting him at one point, because he made me feel so guilty, like i was the one in the wrong, But im not afraid of him anymore. That wont work on me anymore.
I need to let this go and move on, the hurt and buried anger...and in time my relationship with my dad. Im just not really sure how.
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I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
I certainly do relate to your pain. Both my parents were alcoholics. My mother died when I was 16 from Alcoholism and my dad, well he died in 2000 and I still don't miss him.
You will go through a whole series of emotions when trying to deal with having a parent who is emotionally not available. Yes, there is a part of you who will yearn for the love and acceptance, but realistically, you will never get what you need.
You sound like a very intelligent young lady who KNOWS this for what it is. Is it easy to let go? No, but I, like you walked away years ago and never looked back. Is it fair.... NO! Is it what you need to do to escape your depression, I believe it is. I have been in therapy for years from the affects of my childhood. Even thou I am now 48 years old, inside I'm still that hurt little girl, just wanting to be loved. Please seek outside help, get on the proper medication and KNOW your dad's drinking has NOTHING to do with you. And the person you know, isn't your dad, but the booze. Take care of yourself.
It is a very difficult emotional situation to be caught up in.
I agree with #1 reply to you - i think there is a lot of wisdom in that one for you.
Obviously you have processed the right / best thing for you to do on an intellectual level but are yet to assimilate what you have learnt from your head into your heart - is that where you are stuck?? Knowing something lodgically yet still feeling so vulnerable emotionally?
If it is - you are very normal, and it could take a long time for you to not feel guilt / need for your father / deserted / abandoned / angry / used / week to his ways etc..
Just remember that all he puts on you are just his own personal coping mechanisms in order to maintain his addiction and justify it to himself. He is unable to see how this is damaging and destructive for you - addiction is the most selfish state of all - and it has zip to do with you.
Oh sweet lil one - you are still so young but clearly you have come far. I would reccomend you seek or continue counselling - which ever applies, and slowly your intelectual realisations will become a part of YOU not just your brain.
Keep up the good work you are doing and never feel guilty for doing the things you need to do in order to preserve your wellbeing.
Hugs...