A little background. I was raised by my Grandparents--I knew my real father and called him dad. But from a baby I was raised that my grandmother was mom--grandfather was dad and my real dad was daddy. Now I know now that sounds so damn stupid but when you are raised from a baby that way it is all you know. I didnt find out until I was 14 that my mom was not my real mom! It screwed me up so bad!!! I went out looking for something I felt i'd lost.. Guys that showed me attention, I was madly in love! At 14! and all of them were in their 20's. I ran away all kinds of stuff.. Finally I met a guy, got pregnant and got married. It slowed me down..We were always off and on again.. Went on for 17 years! In 2002 my real dad died, I fell apart. It was horrible. But what was to follow really messed me up. He had 3 boys from another marriage-a woman that had left him and messed with his head for months before he died. Anyway, when it happened I had to deal with all them. When they went through his personal belongings--I was excluded from that. I literally had to go into his house when no one was home and take his pocket watch collection that he always showed my daughter--just so I could make sure she got something...... After that she tried selling things and the boys would bring some stuff by my house that she couldnt sell or that she thought they were keeping. She got a workman's comp settlement after my dad died and she listed her 3 sons as my fathers only children. SO they got payments every month for like 5 years or something. It wasnt about the money--it made me feel like crap to not be awknowledged as his daughter. Then I get through that and in 2005 my "mom" died. Again, without a will... Then once again I have to deal with being the different one. Legally I am her granddaughter. I feel as though I am being punished for the way they raised me! My 3 aunts, that I called sisters, changed totally. I became "the different one". I asked them to buy my "share" of mom's house so I could get my kids in a decent place and they refused. They are trying to force me to keep it for some reason. So, I have gone from years of having parents, a big family and all to feeling like an orphan. I have my 3 daughters--they are my family.... How do I just hate these people, block it out and move on with my life???????????
Posts You May Be Interested In
A friend sent this to me..As far as I can see, grief will never truly end.It may become softer overtime, more gentleand some days will feel sharp.But grief will last as long as Love does - ForeverIt's simply the way the absence of your loved onemanifests in your heart. A deep longing accompaniedby the deepest Love some days. The heavy fog mayreturn and the next day, it may recede.Once again, it's...
I have my maxed amount of epidural shots of my cervical DDD....(and no one cares about my lumbar DDD)..... I've done physical therapy, muscle relaxers, Amitriptyline, Nortryptiline, desipramine.....narcotics... So I decided to go to a spine specialist and they have me on Gabapentin. Its been two weeks and it did nothing for my lumbar ever... but it did seem to help my cervical and arm/hand pain...