Hey everyone, I'm new here and I just wanted someone to talk to because I'm at the end of the line here and I just can't deal with my family, especially my mother. I'm 19 and I have never felt loved by her. She has said and done so much that I don't know if I will ever have any confidence in myself. Throughout my lifetime she has called me ugly, called me stupid, picked on me about my acne, when I was 10 she told me that I would be a bad mother, and she has even accused me of trying to murder her by putting asprin in her milk. I know that a person's looks don't determine who they are, but she has beraded me so much throughout my life that I have become extremely self-concious and I dred leaving the house because I fear that people will talk about the way that I look. This is because I think to myself "If my own mother feels this way about me, then what do strangers think when they see me?" People over the internet have told me that I am pretty and I hate it because I know it's not true. These people may actually feel that I'm pretty, but that's because they have only seen pictures of me that I purposely chosen because I don't look as unattractive in them. I should be at the best university in my state right now, but I left because I am so afraid of being around other people. If don't get control of my emotions now, I'm afraid that all the dreams and goals that I have for myself will never come true. I have confronted her many times about this, but all she does is deny it. We got into a bad argument one night and I was so upset that I started to cry and her response to me crying was just laughter. There can't be any counseling or me talking to her about it again because I am 100% certain that she will never change. I just need to find a better way to ignore her. But if nothing, I feel so much better from just typing this out, it makes me feel like I have someone to turn to.
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