Family Issues Support Group

Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.

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Help me help my wife

deleted_user
deleted_user
My wife & I both work. I go to the office and she is a dedicated homemaker. We have had weight problems during our 10 years of marriage & I have held her responsible for my weight gain the last 10 years. Before we married I use to work out 2 times a day 5 days a week. Granted this has to be cut back to help out around the house however, I really didn't work out at all over the last 5 years. Im out of shape and finally joined a gym a few weeks ago. I'm eatting better now & can already see my weight loss taking effect. The problem I have is that my wife has no desise to get in to a regular workout routine and she has poor eating habits. All of this also rubs off on our kids. I've told her that I won't buy her any more junk food but when she has a bad day, she'll call me at work and say "You have to stop at the store on your way home and get me some ice cream (or other junk food)" I've been supporting this bad habit & let her continue to go on & on. I love my wife and want her around for a while but she is not taking any changes in her life that will help her live a long healthy life. What can I do? Help!
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Does she really want to/ready to make these lifestyle changes as you do?
Try to be patient, many years of poor eating habits, can take a while to change.
Being a good role model (for healthy eating & exercise) is sometimes the best thing. Also you could ask your wife,if there's something besides ice cream or junk food that could help her feel better, when she's having a bad day. Time away from the kids for a little while? A backrub? a walk to destress?
Just a few suggestions... Good luck.
P00hbear
P00hbear
It is extremely challenging to make someone change their eating habits - I had the opposite issue with my husband, he was much too thin, very underweight and I kept trying to get him to eat more. He refused to change, until finally a friend convinced him of the health benefits of eating more of the right combination of foods and he has now gained some weight and looks much better - he is no longer just skin and bone, but the point is he would not listen to me, he had to decide on his own with the help of someone he perceive to be impartial and more knowledgeable than I. I, on the other hand, am slightly overweight (20-30lbs) and struggle with maintaining healthy habits. When my husband tries to control what I eat, it only causes me to be more frustrated. We have talked about it, and he no longer does that, but I make healthier choices now because I know it is important for both of us and our long term health - and I know he worries about me, plus I feel better overall when I eat healthy and exercise. Regardless, it is my choice, one that he cannot control, and the choice has to be made for me or I wil not be able to maintain motivation in the long term. When I ask him for help, that is different than when he tries to tell me I should not eat something - that only makes me defensive and I will still eat it! Does she seem to want to change but does not have the willpower? Could she talk to someone else about it, someone neutral? Or, is she simply not motivated to change? Also, if she wants the junk food she should be able to go get it herself. Many times I asked my husband to pick up something unhealthy and would not be surprised if he said no or came home without it. If I really wanted it, I would have to go get it, and usually I was not motivated enough to inconvenience myself like that, so I did without. Then, I got used to doing without! That's the other aspect of junk food - convenience! Not sure if this helps at all, just another perspective....
P00hbear
P00hbear
One more note, neither my husband nor I holds the other responsible for our weight issues - we can help each other, but what we eat is our choice and our individual responsibility, I would not blame him for the choices I make unless he left me with no other options.