From time to time I grieve over the good father that I never got to have. He was an alcoholic jerk and deserved the kind of end he chose to himself. Still, it doesnt make me feel any better. He cannot take away the years of abuse and neglect. Whatever emotional damage was inflicted cannot be easily undone, I'm dealing with the aftermath to this day. I wish my real dad was present at my wedding. This I cannot change. I can't believe my mother now has the nerve to tell me how wonderful of a person he was. How dare does she say the entire family was smart, it just me who came out stupid!
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