2 and a half years ago i met my wife to be and she has a son from a previous relationship. We all got along great and thing was coming together for us three. My wife was into GOD and my step son was my favorite cause we had a lot in common. When i first met them I lied the whole time about who i am. Saying that i like kids, Into things they were to fit in, and doing family things. Alot of my lies caught up with me and it's biting the shit out of me. At first i embraced my son's presence now i dispise it. When i was a kid my mother had several boyfriends and 1 guy who stood out treated me like shit. He never took me out, he kept me away from my mom, he beat me for stupid stuff, keep me on punishments for months, and he hated me cause he wanted to control my mom. It very painful talking about this because that son of a bitch took my childhood away from me.I ve spent almost 5 yrs in a bedroom with dark curtains no lights 5 issues of sports illustated and a bed. Sux don't it.Fast forward to now i don't have the urge to play with my son, i always shoo him away,he gets under my skin deeply, and my wife hates it.Last yr me and my son were swimming with other family members and he was testing the hell out of me.He was upset cause noone was playing with him.I was trying to calm him down and he was hitting me(he was 8 then)So i push him away and said some real mean things to make him run off and cry. I hated myself for it and i almost lost my family.After that he lost respect and trust in me.Our relationship grew more distant on my part cause i didn't know how to communicate with children cause i never enjoyed childhood, i was a loner.Never want to play with him.7mon ago i had my first child and it took 4 mons to connect with her. In my heart i love them both and i want to give them the life i never had. But in my mind i don't know how to do it.Help me someone PLEASE!!! sniff sniff
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