i am currently in the process of trying to grieve my childhood. let me tell you quickly about my mom. she is a recovering alcoholic in the program since i was 13. before she got herself some help it was miserable. she tried to kill herself when i was 7, there were many times i would come home from school and i would find her in bed hung over or drunk. she was never around emotionally or physically. i lived with my parents but she was at work all the time. a big thing that im struggling with is when i was 5 i was sexually abused by my cousin and the thing that bugs me the most about it was my mothers reaction. she walked in on it and i was under the covers and she yelled whats goin on. grabbed me and was really frantic. she didnt even protect her own daugher. it was never talked about since. she never got me any help or tried to do anything about it. after my mom got sober i held this big resement towards her and so we fought all the time. she was once again not around because she was to busy with her karate school she half owned or was with her "guy friend" all the time. my current issue now is that she is coming in a couple of weeks. i have lately just learned from my sponsor about inner child work. its about growing up my little girl and taking care of her needs nurturing her and protecting her from harmful people which one is my mother. my child got on the phone with her one day and told her i wanted her to come and visit me. my child feels shameful and guilty for not protecting her and her not seeing me. and its my mother i am supposed to see my mother. but at the same time my child doesnt really want to see her and is scared and will be revictimized if i see her (says my sponsor). im am in a delima because i dont want to tell her not to come because that would just kill her but at the same time i need to protect my little girl. maybe if i can get some advise on what to do. if you even understand what im saying because i dont even know if im making any sense
Posts You May Be Interested In
It's been 1 year and half since my first breakdown with paranoia. I am starting to get paranoid thoughts again. They range from fearing someone's in my house to seeing a car pull up near me and fear they are going to abduct me. My friend died a year ago and I keep hearing voices in my head replaying our conversations. I have not been sleeping well which doesn't help. Plus my job is 4 to midnight.
My main problems are with PTSD, depression, anxiety, and some dissociation, but now I feel extremely paranoid! I can't take it! She wants to send records of me to this place, and idk what's in them! I don't want that to happen. I don't know if I trust her anymore! I've been seeing her for two years. I don't want her to do this because then our trust will be broken. I am already so hurt by the...