Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
I am about to have my first baby and i am with the man of my dreams but there is a catch - the father inlaw just gives me the erks.
Since he found out he will becoming a grandfather the control issues have began to set in. He has decided he is moving 1 minute down the road from us in a couple of weeks time, to drive me to the hospital (because my partner lost his lisence), to baby sit, etc. "to help out" I know i should be grateful, but the truth is neither my partner or i mentioned wanting this "help". I am very close with my partners mother, step father & sister and they already live only 2 min away and are very helpful and hip, lovely people and we have already organised with them to drive, to babysit, etc..
My father inlaw is a chronic smoker of both tobbaco and pot aswell as having health that is clearly deteriorating. THis stuff is ok by me on its own but i really don't want my baby around that kind of lifestyle and i also feel i will not beable to relax or trust him having our baby alone if he stoned all the time.
I know this puts my partner in a tough position and he is sort of worried about the same things, but i think he in denial a little also, because he doesn't want to hurt his fathers feelings and knows he is a lonely old man, and also doesn't want to cause a rift as his dad very emotionally manipulative and lays on the guilt - a lot.
I am anxious about how much involvement his dad will want and i know i cant be a total bitch and not let him be in his grandsons life just coz it would make my life smoother, as this would be hurtful for all involved.
But this is new territory for me and i am unsure how to go about letting him know we don't need his living 1 min away, his driving me to hospital, his day in day out involvement. I am a private & independant person and so is my partner and we like our space from smothering, needy sorts.
He has just decided for himself what we want from him without any actual asking of what we want and i am afraid this is a taste of worse things to come. He doesn't respect women at all and i feel like he will arogantly walk all over me if permitted. (this is a little overwhelming because both of my parents have passed on and the rest of my family live 9 hours away. so i have noone on my end to pull the "back off" strings, or take up half the load)
Am i getting my pregnant knickers all in a knot over nothing? Should i just keep my mouth shut and not burden my partner with my worries and not rock the father inlaw boat?
Or is there a way to set healthy bounderies without offending my father inlaw and causing all sorts of family dramatics and then having my partner stress and feel terrible also?
Since he found out he will becoming a grandfather the control issues have began to set in. He has decided he is moving 1 minute down the road from us in a couple of weeks time, to drive me to the hospital (because my partner lost his lisence), to baby sit, etc. "to help out" I know i should be grateful, but the truth is neither my partner or i mentioned wanting this "help". I am very close with my partners mother, step father & sister and they already live only 2 min away and are very helpful and hip, lovely people and we have already organised with them to drive, to babysit, etc..
My father inlaw is a chronic smoker of both tobbaco and pot aswell as having health that is clearly deteriorating. THis stuff is ok by me on its own but i really don't want my baby around that kind of lifestyle and i also feel i will not beable to relax or trust him having our baby alone if he stoned all the time.
I know this puts my partner in a tough position and he is sort of worried about the same things, but i think he in denial a little also, because he doesn't want to hurt his fathers feelings and knows he is a lonely old man, and also doesn't want to cause a rift as his dad very emotionally manipulative and lays on the guilt - a lot.
I am anxious about how much involvement his dad will want and i know i cant be a total bitch and not let him be in his grandsons life just coz it would make my life smoother, as this would be hurtful for all involved.
But this is new territory for me and i am unsure how to go about letting him know we don't need his living 1 min away, his driving me to hospital, his day in day out involvement. I am a private & independant person and so is my partner and we like our space from smothering, needy sorts.
He has just decided for himself what we want from him without any actual asking of what we want and i am afraid this is a taste of worse things to come. He doesn't respect women at all and i feel like he will arogantly walk all over me if permitted. (this is a little overwhelming because both of my parents have passed on and the rest of my family live 9 hours away. so i have noone on my end to pull the "back off" strings, or take up half the load)
Am i getting my pregnant knickers all in a knot over nothing? Should i just keep my mouth shut and not burden my partner with my worries and not rock the father inlaw boat?
Or is there a way to set healthy bounderies without offending my father inlaw and causing all sorts of family dramatics and then having my partner stress and feel terrible also?
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
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I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...
If you're worried about second hand smoke, or a newborn snuggling up to his smoky body- then you're worried about the right thing.
You're also being smart and realizing that his lifestyle is not cohesive with what you need around YOUR child. (Not his.)
Sometimes grandparents demand rights as if they are owed just because they are there. You have a right to ask him to now smoke before he sees the baby, or to change clothes and wash his hands. You have A RESPONSIBILITY to make sure that he doesn't smoke weed around or before he is watching your child.
What if you invited your FIL with- to the doctor, (hear me out.) And had the doctor explain the precautions with pot and smoke. What if by having the doctor there you could set the boundries because i KNOW your doctor and (husband-should be,) backing you up.
You have rights. : )
K.
I'm sure he'll understand, and if he doesn't, thats just too bad. You have to make sure that you your husband and your new baby come first. If people can't respect your wishes at this huge time in your life...thats their bad.
Good luck!!