Today is my 12 year old grandson's birthday. I had a call from his estranged mother last evening. I called my son. He said he would call her. I said I would like to take them to dinner to celebrate. He has never had time to accept my invitation, so today came and went, and I heard nothing. Of course, I had to work, but I had all evening to call or be called. NOTHING. I seem to be inconsequential in the lives of my children, and worse, they seem to think they can talk to me like I am an idiot, or not talk to me at all. In a nutshell, I devoted all of my young life to raising my children in a healthy environment, gave up trying to get my teaching degree to be a devoted mother, helped both my sons buy their first homes. Today I am treated like and referred to as the "loupy" grandmother. I don't even interfere in my son's lives; I work, take care of myself, ask very little (practically nothing), and so I get nothing. My memories seem to be my own, they don't remember much of anything. The birthday cakes I made, the parties I put together for them, the bike rides, the Cub Scouts I was den mother for, --it feels like nothing I did all my life means anything at all. How does that happen? I feel like a total stranger to my children. I am so angry for the waste of my own life...
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