I'm so sorry. the only thing that pops into my head to tell you is to make every precious moment count with your mom, whether she has months, or years left. Each day is a jewel to behold.

Try not to distance yourself from her sickness, altho i know it must be hard. cry if you need too. listen to her stories. share with her your feelings. hug and kiss her.

Thank you so much for your reply. It helps a lot to be heard :)

I am so sorry to hear about your mum. That is the nightmare scenario for me.

I can see why you distanced yourself I do the same. I disagree with idahogirl when she says do not do this. If it keeps you sane and functioning and able to support your mum it is something you have to do.

If you need any support just write here or PM me. And there is a lot of help out there. You can get support from charities, either a call to their helpline or one to one or group counselling.

In December I learned that my mother had cancer. It was a complete shock and since then I've been going through the "loss" emotions like you. They are awful and they play out in your mind over and over. Especially if you've experienced something like this before. It's horrible to feel like your mom might not be there in the future for you. And i know you must wish you were closer. Can you go to see her often?

Frankly, my biggest fear was to have my whole family die. And now 3 of them have cancer. It is scary to think of being alone. So you would have to make changes if that happened. But right now your mother is here. And you have the time to visit her, talk to her, tell her how much you love her, recall special times with her. Maybe even create a few (or many!) more wonderful memories with her. Our mothers are such an integral part of our lives, for those of us who have had good relationships with them. I too cannot imagine life without mine, and I don't know if she will make it through chemo. She is so frail and seems so ill, and I wonder if she has given up. But today she is here with me. And I jump on a plane every chance I get to go see her. And I send her cards and call her on Skype so I can see her. And I try not to cry in front of her.

BeeGrrrl, maybe you can use this place and perhaps a physical place to go and reflect and worry and fret each day. And then after you've finished, put those feelings away for awhile and try to live the other parts of your life. Your mother would want you to be able to manage to do that I'm sure. Maybe a berevement or grief counseling group would be of some help to you.

I am sorry you have to go through this. Hugs to you and keep us posted on how you're doing!!

I can really sense your pain. I am so sorry you are going through this. It sounds as if your Mom has gone through a lot, and she is trying to sort things out. This is the time to talk and to treasure the past experiences. Your Mom knows deep inside you are grieving. It"s ok. No matter what the MD says, the time has come to become congruent with what is happening and how you feel.
Many people feel some help from clergy or their own MD is useful. Even good "teacup counseling" from a close and loving friend can help. Just don't try to bottle things up. Sooner or later things will overflow, and you will come face to face with your feelings.

It's scary for everyone to face losing someone they love. Even the word Cancer provokes these feelings. Once the sadness is dealt with, you will see the beauty of each day you do have with each other. We are each unique, and cannot be replaced. Yet God allows to grieve, and find others to meet our needs.

Right now, your Mom is here! It's ok to explore the "what if's".. just don't ;lose sight of today. Hugs and paryers your way.

I feel your pain. My own mother was newly diagnosed with stage IV lung cancer just days ago... she is going through chemo and radiation. So many thoughts have been going through my mind... what if she doesn't make it? How is she feeling about all of this? What will happen to me? How will my nephews react? It's a hard thing to have to go through, I am finding that out... but all we can do is take it one day at a time.

I just joined but I have been dealing with my moms metastaic melanoma since Jan 2010 when her brain tumor was discovered. It seems like it has been a rollercoaster of emotions and being on high alert knowing that through cyberknife and whole brain radiation we could have lost at any time during the year even to the brain surgery.
She hasn't even had a chance to try chemo because nothing works for dang melanoma! We were hoping to get her on a new clinical trial for a new chemo and after meeting with the doctor today the mass in her bowel disqualifies her for the clinical. It feels like the docs have done all they can and just don't want to say it or we aren't ready to believe that's all.
Don't get me wrong I am so happy that I have had this year to spend with my mom taking care of her but yes it is a state of constant mourning, no matter how you try to focus on the positive you wonder when and how the end will be, you don't want it to be prolonged and painful suffering and you just wish God would go ahead and heal them.
I too have a brother and our relationship has been strained through the years, sibling rivalry crap, we are trying to pull together for the sake of mom. In the meantime we are glad to have helped mom and she has had a chance to make all her final arrangements which has given her peace of mind. Whether you have cancer or not I recommend that everyone get their wills and medical directives squared away just in case, I know from experience with my husbands family that not having a will makes the illness and passing of a family member much more difficult to deal with.
My mom may be the first person of my imeadiate family to die and I really don't know how I will handle it, praying for strength.