Family & Friends of Cancer Patients Support Group

This community is dedicated to parents, siblings, grandparents, other relatives, friends and caretakers of cancer patients. It's difficult to find a safe place to talk about caring for a loved one with cancer, and so this group serves as an open forum to foster positivity and support for those going through this tough time.

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Cancers
/ Family & Friends of Cancer Patients Support Group

Sadness

deleted_user
deleted_user
You know we never are ready to hear the news that our Mother is Dying and we only have so much time to spend with her. One day she is helping me out with my kids and enjoying life. She had just retired and 1-2 weeks later she went in because she was having major side pain. When she wen in they couldn't do anything until they did a CT Scan. When they did it they had her come in again and told her she has Ovarian Cancer. It was so advanced they had her in surgery within 3 days. We all stood around and waited in the waiting room hoping for some good news.
They wheeled her out and it looked like the shell of my lovely Mother on a bed. The Doctor took us to the family room and let us know it was bad. They took out part of her Interstines, Omentum, Ovaries, Diaphram, and still didn't get it all. She has Cancer in her pelvic cavity and the rest they left was inoperable. Why....why couldn't they fix it all. We have been able to go to the moon, cure many other sickness's and conquer the world but not this Cancer stuff.
I am not sure what to think. You know I think in a way I am being selfish. I want my Mom back to the person she was. I want my Mother to be there to see my children grow up. To be able to give me advice for when they are teenagers. To be there to see me succeed at something anything. I want to die before her! I know that is not the normal order of life but this is not what I was expecting at 28 years old. There is still too much I need to know and want to do with my Mom. I want to take back all the mean things I had said or done but I can't.
Yesterday she had gone in for another Chemo treatment. Her CI125 cells when up a lot. I think if there was only one thing I could do for my Mom is for her not to feel anymore pain.
I have done nothing but cry and I want to talk to my Mom about it but I know that I have to be strong for her. If I show her that I am in pain then she will worry about me and it will make her more sick. What do you do? I am such a mess. It is like all of this goes in waves. Some days I am okay other days I am crying over something simple. How to do this? What to do to make this easier? I just needed to get this off my chest.
Yvette
Daughter of Kathy age 58 End Stage Cancer
deleted_user
deleted_user
Be strong and lean on God for your strength and trust in him he will get you through it although its not easy at all.When I was at my husband's burial I remember saying to the pastor that I was crying and it was selfish tears I told him because I wanted him back with me and they way he use to be ...but I know I'll see him again someday. I think what you are feeling is very normal...but take care of yourself and trust in God he will get you through. You will be in my prayers and thoughts.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Sweetie.. You sound like I did right after my mom got the news of her stage 4 colon cancer. All you can do is live life day by day.. lots of prayers and don't let her see you get down! My mom having cancer has really hit me in the fact that we really have no clue how short of time any of us have. Take those babies and all that you love.. hug them tight! Let everyone that is special to you just what they mean to you. Spend as much time that you can with your mom.. even if it is doing nothing. Enjoy the time you have.. no matter how short or how long. I went through a.... but I haven't learned everything from her yet! stage... I am 31.. Mom (Kathy) is 56. Mom had her colon removed in Aug.. but the big tumor on her liver.. is inoperable so we are relying only on chemo now. My oldest (12) is taking it the hardest.. Some days it really hits me that my mom may not be here for me to even see this baby I am caring.. let a lone get to know him/her. I cry at night when no one is around.. surround myself and family with positive things only.. I try only to focus on the things I can change in my life and try not to think of what is out of my hands.. all it does is get me down.. then it gets her down. I just wanted you to know, you are not alone with what you are feeling! Good luck! You are both in my thoughts and prayers!
jasonswifey
jasonswifey
no on is ever ready to loose a parent. I lost my dad when I was 16. It was sudden, I came home and he wasn't there. He had a heartattack and died before he hit the floor. Loosing a parent is aweful and I know what you mean when you say you want you mom there for many things such as seeing your kids. My grandma died from terminal cancer so I also know what it's like to watch someone suffer in pain until the end. If you ever need someone to talk to, feel free to talk to me. I am here to help in what ever way I can. HUGS
deleted_user
deleted_user
I'm sorry to hear about your mom. I don't think your being selfish at all, I'd be devasted if I was in your place. I'm going through the cancer thing with my Grandma and my Grandma helped raise me so I understand the feelings your going through! If I could give any advice it would be to talk to your mom about how your feeling, cause chances are good she probaly knows anyway. I'll keep you in my prayers.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Wow. I can relate to your situation so much. My mom has stage IV lung cancer. I'm also 28 and have a 10 month old son. My mom was 58 when she was diagnosed and now she's 60. I remember in the beginning when she was diagnosed, I cried all the time. It is so difficult and sad. You have to have hope though. I kept thinking everytime I did something with my mom it might be the last time. But it's been almost 2 years. So, have hope that you will have more good times with your mother. It is possible. My mom is in a lot of pain now as well, but she is still able to function somewhat. So, remember to be hopeful no matter how hard it is!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Oh I am so sad for you. Losing a mom is like nothing else. Nothing.

But you can't change anything from the past now. She is in God's hands. Your relationship should be as it always was. Don't "force" things. That won't work.

Be around for her whenever you can. But don't try to "repair any wrongs" just because she is ill. Tell her, honestly, that you are so sorry for anything that happened between the two of you in the past. Forgive her. And forgive yourself.

I hope that your mom is around for a long time, but not with terrible pain. Understand that this is a tragic disease but it is not punishment for a bad life or anything else. It strikes rich and poor, old and young, famous and ordinary people.

Try to find strength here at Daily Strength and always know that people here care about you and will try to help any way we can.

You will be in my prayers.
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