My mom was diagnosed last week at stage 3 inopperable lung cancer. it was a complete surprise. I live in NY, she's in LA, and I really thought we were there to look at arthritis! Needless to say, it is a total shock. I have yet to cry, and am so frustrated that I can't do so. I lost my dad in '06 to ALS, so I have been through this crap before. he was 69. She is 66. I am 37. We are too young for this bullshit. Today I am only able to worry about the logistics of me in NY and her in LA and how to do my job trans-con, etc. I am disappointed in myself because I feel like the compassion is missing, but I also would be the first to see it as defense in someone else, so i am trying to be gentle with myself. It is so frsutrating that i can't regulate my own reactions to this. I know we are looking at months not years, so I want to pull it together soon so I can get productive.
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