I can't tell you what to do or how to make it better....but I can tell you what happened with my brother and maybe that'll help.

He had good days and bad days. When he first got diagnosed and they told him the growth on his arm was malignant cancer and they might have to amputate, he was scared. Throughout his fight, I know he was scared, but he never said it. There were tears, but not alot. Mostly, he was worried about me and that's when he got very adamant that the cancer wasn't going to beat him.

I know I mothered him alot and drove him crazy...but I did try to give him his space and that's really all I can suggest. Sometimes, you need time to yourself to deal with what's going on. Keep yourself available to him and just try to be patient.

It is so hard on everyone. When my Mom was diagnosed she went through so many mood swings. I think all of us did. In the first couple months I felt I had to be the strong one for my family and I would be the upbeat, take care of everything person. Than when I got home I would just lose it and break down and bawl like a baby. Thank God for my hsbands support or I don't know what I would do. Joining this community was a great first step. You need people to relate to and you need to be able to vent. I just took one minute at a time in the beginning and after awhile things slow down and you can enjoy time with them easier. There will be an acceptance phase most likely and he will want to spend time with you. Right now , even though it's hard I guess you just have to be patient and be there for him when he is ready. You have all of us while you are waiting. God bless you and good luck.

I know it is hard, and I sympathize with you. My mom had told me a couple of months ago when she had an MRI for something totally unrelated, that they found a mass on her kidney, she said they don't think it was anything and since she is 87 they weren't going to do anything about it and it wasn't bothering her.

But, recently she said they were going to do a procedure to remove it and she would only be in the hospital overnight. I grew suspicious because I thought if it wasn't bothering her why are they now going to remove it. Then, while she was being prepped for the procedure and the doc came in to explain everything he mentioned the cancer...I was floored to say the least, I didn't even know.

My mom is a very private person, and she also worries about everyone but herself. She didn't even tell me it was cancer because she probably didn't want to worry me. My dad was sick a few years back and he passed away, she kept the extent of his illness a secret until I spoke to the doc myself. Right now I am also trying to be positive around my mom, she is a very positive person, and she said she is not worried about the cancer. I am though, the procedure she had done there is no way they can tell if they got it all or not. She doesn't even want anyone to know she has it. I am so stressed right now, and I also break down, when by myself, my husband has also been my rock in all of this also, or I couldn't bear it.

When someone has cancer it is hard on the whole family. The person deals with it in their own way, and sometimes it may be different in the way we as family members deal. All I can say to you is hang in there and give them their space when they want it, but be there when they need you also. ((((hugs))))

when my best friend was diagnosed with cancer the second time, she didn't talk to me for months. I gave her space, but i did always make sure i was there if she needed anything. He may just need sometime to think about it. Try to do things that he loves, try not to talk about it unless he does.

I'm very sorry about your husband. Could it be that he is still in shock over the whole thing? Is he one who keeps to himself when he gets upset anyway? All I can tell you is to let him know that you are there for him, and as hard as it is, try to be patient with him. ~~~HUGS~~~

Stages of grief I think may be shock/disbelief, bargaining, anger/depression and then acceptance. A great book is How to Survive the Loss of a Love

My husband is on his third occurrence of cancer. It never gets easier. You think you are done with it and then it pops up again. So far, he has had part of his pancreas and part of his liver removed.

I feel fortunate that we are a couple who talk. We agreed right at the beginning that we would be direct with each other about what was happening and how we feel.

I try very hard to keep to this committment, but there is no question that I become overwhelmed and I don't talk with Charlie. Anyone in our shoes would be overwhelmed.

My husband copes by going out in the yard and pulling weeds. He says this is very relaxing and meditative. He needs this time to chill, regroup, rejuvenate.

I cope by managing all of his medical issues, his medical treatment, and his medical care. This is my way of saying I love you very much, Charlie.

I guess what I would tell you is that you need to find a way to cope as a couple and as individuals. They are not the same thing. Each of you needs to absorb the news and accept it before you can begin to deal with it as a couple.

Just remember that a lot of men have a tendency to withdraw, women have a tendency to share.

I don't know if this helped or not. Good Luck.

the best way i dealt with the news was i cring. but after that i spent as much time as i can with mine. he will get through just talk to him and encourage as much as you can