Today we learned that my father has only a few days left. He now has cancer in his bladder, intestine, kidneys, colon and prostate. He had prostate cancer back in 98 but beat it-THANKFULLY. Now he is not so lucky. His kidneys have shut down and he has stopped passing urine, he is unable to pass gas or anything else due to a tumor on his intestine-not letting anything through. He also has fluid on his lungs and an infection in his abdomen that is as this point under control. The doctors are not sure how long they can control the infection but with all his other problems they're not hopeful. I get it, I know my dad is dying. I said everything to him today that I wanted him to know-"I am so blessed to have you as a father and I love you very much. Thank you for loving me even though you didn't have to." I know the end is near and yet I don't feel like I have any feelings. What is wrong with me? I want to cry but I just can't. Instead I am asking my mother questions like" Did you get insurance on the house in the event of a death it would be covered? Did you get insurance on the car for the same thing? How much is owed on the house? Are all the bills and bank accounts in both your names so nothing needs to be closed out?" Yesterday I had the priest come to dads room to get a living will and a P.O.A. done. Dad isn't even gone yet and here I am being an unemotional bitch. What is wrong with me? I am only trying to help my mom but I think I am hurting her as well-meanwhile all my family is looking at me like I am some monster. I just want my mom to be able to deal with his death in peace and not a bunch of headaches later. What do I do?
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